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Post Reply "All guys are the same"
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Posted 1/14/15

deer wrote:

Literally no girl truly thinks that all guys are the same. When they say it in a exasperated tone it probably means they're tired of all non-compatible relationships and bumping into guys that treat them poorly. All I see in this thread are guys trying to pull the "I'm a nice guy... why won't they come to me?" mentality (like congratulations?), where they try to blame women themselves for their unfortunate romantic endeavors. First of all, perhaps you aren't really that nice and you shouldn't be priding yourself for being a decent human being? This is so silly. Blaming women for "getting themselves into the mess"... pfft.

"NOT ALL MEN!!!" Lmaoooo


this thread is about blaming women?? and guys calling themselves nice? wow, i thought this thread was about how different one dude is from another.



and just cuz: i am a girl who thinks all guys are the same. so there.
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Posted 1/14/15

jeanius- wrote:


bernardwheelerjr wrote:

Saying "all guys are the same" is like saying :
All women are bitches
All muslems are terrirorsts
All white people are racist
All jews are stingy
All black people are shady
All asians are smart...
In otherwords the phrase is prejoritive and offensive.


I see what you did there.


I see what you are sugesting. I was simply trying to avoid some of the really offensive phrases
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
The guy I met before the break seriously averted the High School Douchebag stereotype. It was pleasant talking to him because he treated me like a human being. I know not all guys conform to the stereotype, but it does exist for a reason. High school boys can be so haughty and arrogant, sure, but there are diamonds hidden among the grimy dirt stained douches. The nice ones are the ones I can usually get along with and not be sassy towards.

Guys, like girls, all have different personalities of their own, yes, even if the differences are definitely more subtle. Though at times they all may seem the same, they're probably not.
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24 / M / Laguna Niguel, Ca...
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Posted 1/14/15
As someone who is going on 23 who has never been in a relationship. This who thread is laughable.
The guys do have a point though. Not just because I am a guy and taking muh sides.
A Man shouldn't have to subject himself to societys norms if he doesn't want. He or even she can live their means if they want to. And if you get burn in a relationship and loose money thats on you.

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Posted 1/14/15

jeanius- wrote:

I am a nice guy, but I've also had a few relationships. If people don't like me then they can go fuck themselves because I don't care if they don't like me. Yes, there was a time when I felt like, "I'm a nice guy, how come nobody likes me?!" but that time is long gone. I've matured to the point where I now feel that I don't need people in my life that don't like me and I couldn't care less about being in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. Being alone I don't have to listen to someone I love tell me I'm fat and ugly, or that I should be grateful they are with me because nobody else could stomach being near me, or that I should go kill myself because I'm just a burden on her, I don't have to deal with a woman who cheats on me just so she can rub it in my face to hurt me because I wasn't "good enough" for her when I'm single. Of all the relationships I've been in there's only been one woman who actually truly loved me and enjoyed being around me and having me as her boyfriend. She's dead now though. Now when I try and find someone to be in a relationship with I have to settle for the shiniest of two turds if I want to be with someone, and a relationship like that isn't a happy one so I don't even bother.


Did a lot for women in the past too (women I was with) to get crap in return.... *shrugs* It's not a women only thing though. It's a societal thing that affects both sexes that way. The lack of choice I totally agree with.


jeanius- wrote:

And no, I don't hold other women to the standards of the one that actually cared about me. I realize and understand everyone is different and I give everyone their fair shake, but before that one, and every girl since has been an abusive asshole so when I hear women cry about how they can never find a decent man when every single woman knows a guy who perfectly fits what she's looking for save for either physical attractiveness or money, she goes "Oh we don't feel that way about each other, we're just friends." hah. Bullshit he doesn't feel that way about you, why do you think he's always there for you? If he truly treated you like one of his guy friends he wouldn't be there when you need him all the time. Most of the time the perfect guy the woman is looking for is there all along, but doesn't meet some superficial standard of hers so she doesn't notice him.


no... not really... sometimes we know quite well she's crazy, goes after shitty men, and then gets all drama queen about it. Please don't make them think our friendship, which is primarily based on our boredom and secondarily as to our investigative study of human nature and thirdly, probably a little pity, that we actually want *that* girl. Nobody wants someone that goes from one relationship to the next like a monkey swings from one branch to the next..... as many a female friend has advised, "don't put your dick in crazy."



jeanius- wrote:

Women don't want a nice guy because nice guys are boring and a perfectly happy relationship is a boring relationship and women don't want a relationship or a partner that's boring. Ask anyone who has ever been in a perfectly happy relationship before and they'll all tell you the same thing; it is boring as fuck.


yup. excitement.. woohoo.... I prefer to think that people want excitement over boring, and that's fine, but they don't know how to develop excitement for themselves, nor do they understand that things can be exciting without needing conflict or strife. Sure, fighting's the easy way to keep shit interesting, but it gets too painful and very old very quick.
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23 / M / Texas
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
"All guys are the same"

The words of a scorn women who keeps going back to the same D-bags all the time.

Nice guys never get a run, but maybe it's for the best.
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31 / M / L'Étoile du Nord,...
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
All guys are the same, eh?

All gals are the same then, too.

But, honestly, it's all subject to individual experience and perspective. I've involved myself in these debates in recent years (albeit on other forums), and I learned a lot, though in the end I have jack-sh!t experience with it. It's how I've come to believe that relationships these days are all bullsh!t, though maybe it's because I have no personal experience with "chemistry", which is how relationships come to fruition. There's times now that I look back and wish I had known about this sooner....but, at the same time, it would require me to change into something I wouldn't feel comfortable with.
We're all familiar with the "Nice Guy Syndrome" and/or "Nice Guy Phenomena", the latter of which I prefer to call it. I'm a nice guy.....but I keep to myself about it. I've even been called such by others, even a "sweet-heart". But still, it's not something I show off like a badge of honor or anything. In fact, these days it's best to keep it to myself, because there are two types of nice guys, one who is legitimate (a nice guy) and another who is deceptive (a nice guy™). The legitimate nice guy is probably a regular all-around good guy who does well to those around him, and by "those around him", I mean everybody, not just women. The nice guy™ has been documented to act nice only around women, and it's been known that this type of guy would only act that way just so he can get in the girl's pants.
At risk of sounding biased, what they both have in common is that they get the short end of the stick. Both react to this differently, though. A common reference is that the nice guy™ becomes embittered as he fails more and more. Quite possibly it is through the nice guy™ that the Nice Guy Phenomena becomes more and more recognized.....but the nice guy (regular, that is) won't be spared of any risks as a result. Based on sh!t I've read over the years, there's a lot of vitriol towards such men, and I personally believe that it's a means of society keeping certain people "in check"......but I'll never know the truth. I think how it truly works is through "chemistry". For all I know, an intimate relationship between a man and a woman happens because positives & negatives interact. Otherwise, you two could have everything in common and you're still going to be just friends. Someone once said that men are the spark, and women are the fuel. Testosterone is the spark, and estrogen is the fuel....
....but, having said that, I'm reminded of abusive relationships that happen over and over now and then. All I can do is guess how it happens. I think that a lot of it is subconscious gender-roles, which might ultimately just be based on human evolution, that the woman was subservient and the man was the leader. Women want an alpha-male. An alpha-male is all that is manly. A man takes care of business and does everything. There can be no second best (both types of nice guys). Dare I say this, but this is under the assumption that women know more about sex and love than men will ever know.....if this is true, this is why nice guys can't expect women to change their ways regarding what they want in a man. As for why men abuse their women, really there's a multitude of reasons, but I'm convinced that it's that wetting agent called "confidence" that goes to their heads. Unfortunately, that which is called "confidence" is often arrogance. The polar opposite of "confidence" is a common trait that both nice guys exhibit, which we call "self-abasement". But what is self-abasement? If you admit that you're not perfect, is that self-abasing? How could it be if people aren't perfect to begin with? Self-abasement, to me, is more like having nothing but negative feelings towards yourself (low self-esteem). What if a man doesn't hold himself high as though he was some messianic figure? Is that self-abasing? He acknowledges that he can get things done, even if they're mostly realistic, down-to-earth things, and not necessarily things like single-handedly taking on the world....but if he doesn't brag about it, does that mean he has low self-esteem? Self-abasement and low self-esteem are huge turn-offs in a relationship. Unfortunately, the world is more black and white than you think, so you're either one or the other. The gap between is very, very wide, and you won't be recognized as anything other than a self-abasing "loser" until you reach the end.

I think I'm in need of a smoke-break. All of what I said is just my opinion, based on some personal experience, as well as observations throughout the years. I don't think I'll ever know the truth in my lifetime, but maybe it's for the better that I don't.
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44 / M / Verginia
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
In the end I genuinely pitty anyone who vews the world and people through a prejoritive lense of absolutes. As my irish gran da said " if you go looking for shit, shit is all you wll find!" Think about that.
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Posted 1/14/15

Gross1985 wrote:

All guys are the same, eh?

All gals are the same then, too.

But, honestly, it's all subject to individual experience and perspective. I've involved myself in these debates in recent years (albeit on other forums), and I learned a lot, though in the end I have jack-sh!t experience with it. It's how I've come to believe that relationships these days are all bullsh!t, though maybe it's because I have no personal experience with "chemistry", which is how relationships come to fruition. There's times now that I look back and wish I had known about this sooner....but, at the same time, it would require me to change into something I wouldn't feel comfortable with.
We're all familiar with the "Nice Guy Syndrome" and/or "Nice Guy Phenomena", the latter of which I prefer to call it. I'm a nice guy.....but I keep to myself about it. I've even been called such by others, even a "sweet-heart". But still, it's not something I show off like a badge of honor or anything. In fact, these days it's best to keep it to myself, because there are two types of nice guys, one who is legitimate (a nice guy) and another who is deceptive (a nice guy™). The legitimate nice guy is probably a regular all-around good guy who does well to those around him, and by "those around him", I mean everybody, not just women. The nice guy™ has been documented to act nice only around women, and it's been known that this type of guy would only act that way just so he can get in the girl's pants.
At risk of sounding biased, what they both have in common is that they get the short end of the stick. Both react to this differently, though. A common reference is that the nice guy™ becomes embittered as he fails more and more. Quite possibly it is through the nice guy™ that the Nice Guy Phenomena becomes more and more recognized.....but the nice guy (regular, that is) won't be spared of any risks as a result. Based on sh!t I've read over the years, there's a lot of vitriol towards such men, and I personally believe that it's a means of society keeping certain people "in check"......but I'll never know the truth. I think how it truly works is through "chemistry". For all I know, an intimate relationship between a man and a woman happens because positives & negatives interact. Otherwise, you two could have everything in common and you're still going to be just friends. Someone once said that men are the spark, and women are the fuel. Testosterone is the spark, and estrogen is the fuel....
....but, having said that, I'm reminded of abusive relationships that happen over and over now and then. All I can do is guess how it happens. I think that a lot of it is subconscious gender-roles, which might ultimately just be based on human evolution, that the woman was subservient and the man was the leader. Women want an alpha-male. An alpha-male is all that is manly. A man takes care of business and does everything. There can be no second best (both types of nice guys). Dare I say this, but this is under the assumption that women know more about sex and love than men will ever know.....if this is true, this is why nice guys can't expect women to change their ways regarding what they want in a man. As for why men abuse their women, really there's a multitude of reasons, but I'm convinced that it's that wetting agent called "confidence" that goes to their heads. Unfortunately, that which is called "confidence" is often arrogance. The polar opposite of "confidence" is a common trait that both nice guys exhibit, which we call "self-abasement". But what is self-abasement? If you admit that you're not perfect, is that self-abasing? How could it be if people aren't perfect to begin with? Self-abasement, to me, is more like having nothing but negative feelings towards yourself (low self-esteem). What if a man doesn't hold himself high as though he was some messianic figure? Is that self-abasing? He acknowledges that he can get things done, even if they're mostly realistic, down-to-earth things, and not necessarily things like single-handedly taking on the world....but if he doesn't brag about it, does that mean he has low self-esteem? Self-abasement and low self-esteem are huge turn-offs in a relationship. Unfortunately, the world is more black and white than you think, so you're either one or the other. The gap between is very, very wide, and you won't be recognized as anything other than a self-abasing "loser" until you reach the end.

I think I'm in need of a smoke-break. All of what I said is just my opinion, based on some personal experience, as well as observations throughout the years. I don't think I'll ever know the truth in my lifetime, but maybe it's for the better that I don't.


You forgot to mention that women are just as abusive.

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Posted 1/14/15
"All men are the same" is just discriminating against men. It's not true whatsoever.
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31 / M / L'Étoile du Nord,...
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15

jeanius- wrote:


You forgot to mention that women are just as abusive.

You're right, and I speak from experience on this. The problem is that there is bias regarding domestic abuse, and perhaps I'm a victim of such conditioning. If a woman is beating her man, it's usually praised like "You go, girl!" and the man is considered a coward, "pathetic", and other demeaning terms. On the other hand, if the man beats his woman, it's always a monstrous result, and we're bombarded with images of her face all smeared with makeup, tears, and probably even some blood, and we're reminded of her frail body having been battered by someone she loved more than anything else in the entire world.....stuff like that.

Such is a reminder that men have it hard, too. A gal-friend of mine, claiming to be a feminist, told me that "the same sexism that affects women also affects men". I don't fully agree to that idea, except maybe for what I can interpret from her statement, that us men have our own unique struggles. Some say that it's "toxic masculinity that is perpetuated by the Patriarchy". Well, we don't live under a patriarchy, but "patriarchal values", for lack of a less subtle term, have been prominent in America since its foundation. Such values often reference strength, including the ever-popular "Men don't cry" value. Men are not supposed to cry because they will appear weak to those around him....and, believe it or else, lots of women don't want to see men cry; they want them to "be a man". Us men have to wear shields around our hearts. In fact, in recent years I've started wearing a shield around my heart.

God damn I sound like a feminist. I'm not; I speak only for myself.
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15

Gross1985 wrote:

All guys are the same, eh?

All gals are the same then, too.

But, honestly, it's all subject to individual experience and perspective. I've involved myself in these debates in recent years (albeit on other forums), and I learned a lot, though in the end I have jack-sh!t experience with it. It's how I've come to believe that relationships these days are all bullsh!t, though maybe it's because I have no personal experience with "chemistry", which is how relationships come to fruition. There's times now that I look back and wish I had known about this sooner....but, at the same time, it would require me to change into something I wouldn't feel comfortable with.
We're all familiar with the "Nice Guy Syndrome" and/or "Nice Guy Phenomena", the latter of which I prefer to call it. I'm a nice guy.....but I keep to myself about it. I've even been called such by others, even a "sweet-heart". But still, it's not something I show off like a badge of honor or anything. In fact, these days it's best to keep it to myself, because there are two types of nice guys, one who is legitimate (a nice guy) and another who is deceptive (a nice guy™). The legitimate nice guy is probably a regular all-around good guy who does well to those around him, and by "those around him", I mean everybody, not just women. The nice guy™ has been documented to act nice only around women, and it's been known that this type of guy would only act that way just so he can get in the girl's pants.
At risk of sounding biased, what they both have in common is that they get the short end of the stick. Both react to this differently, though. A common reference is that the nice guy™ becomes embittered as he fails more and more. Quite possibly it is through the nice guy™ that the Nice Guy Phenomena becomes more and more recognized.....but the nice guy (regular, that is) won't be spared of any risks as a result. Based on sh!t I've read over the years, there's a lot of vitriol towards such men, and I personally believe that it's a means of society keeping certain people "in check"......but I'll never know the truth. I think how it truly works is through "chemistry". For all I know, an intimate relationship between a man and a woman happens because positives & negatives interact. Otherwise, you two could have everything in common and you're still going to be just friends. Someone once said that men are the spark, and women are the fuel. Testosterone is the spark, and estrogen is the fuel....
....but, having said that, I'm reminded of abusive relationships that happen over and over now and then. All I can do is guess how it happens. I think that a lot of it is subconscious gender-roles, which might ultimately just be based on human evolution, that the woman was subservient and the man was the leader. Women want an alpha-male. An alpha-male is all that is manly. A man takes care of business and does everything. There can be no second best (both types of nice guys). Dare I say this, but this is under the assumption that women know more about sex and love than men will ever know.....if this is true, this is why nice guys can't expect women to change their ways regarding what they want in a man. As for why men abuse their women, really there's a multitude of reasons, but I'm convinced that it's that wetting agent called "confidence" that goes to their heads. Unfortunately, that which is called "confidence" is often arrogance. The polar opposite of "confidence" is a common trait that both nice guys exhibit, which we call "self-abasement". But what is self-abasement? If you admit that you're not perfect, is that self-abasing? How could it be if people aren't perfect to begin with? Self-abasement, to me, is more like having nothing but negative feelings towards yourself (low self-esteem). What if a man doesn't hold himself high as though he was some messianic figure? Is that self-abasing? He acknowledges that he can get things done, even if they're mostly realistic, down-to-earth things, and not necessarily things like single-handedly taking on the world....but if he doesn't brag about it, does that mean he has low self-esteem? Self-abasement and low self-esteem are huge turn-offs in a relationship. Unfortunately, the world is more black and white than you think, so you're either one or the other. The gap between is very, very wide, and you won't be recognized as anything other than a self-abasing "loser" until you reach the end.

I think I'm in need of a smoke-break. All of what I said is just my opinion, based on some personal experience, as well as observations throughout the years. I don't think I'll ever know the truth in my lifetime, but maybe it's for the better that I don't.


I'm male and I get tired hearing about nice guys.... I will say this. Your right the more cocky and assertive you are the more likely you are to find someone. partially because cocky is taken as being "confident" (I love seeing the "confident fall. Nemesis is after all one of my favorite goddesses),but also because you will actually have the balls to say something you otherwise may not have.

And on top of that, I'm not sure it's really going to net you a girl you want.

The nice guy thing does have its assholes too and respect for saying that. There are a lot of times when nice people of both genders gt the flack for the real assholes out there.

But the thing is that the relationship game itself is just tiring and old fairly quick.

People of both genders are fed a bunch of bullshit on what relationships should be and how they should work from a very young age. They have no clue what they actually want. Fuck. they don't even spend any time, any REAL time getting to know themselves. (taking tome off to focus on themselves really just seems to be code word for "i need some time to lick my wounds before I rush off for round 2 (or 3, or 4, or 26) ). They don't take a year off and really shut out the world and just sit there in that limbo where they have nothing to distract themselves from figuring out "well, fuck. here I am. What the fuck do I want to do? What do I even LIKE to do? What do I want? Who am I and who do I want to really become? Do I even really like myself?" It's just distraction after distraction.

As a society, we value youth and beauty. We value sex as one of the highest goals in life and in relationships. We rush forward like we're collecting badges and level grinding till we get married and then, we're often left asking "well... what's next?" We're dissatisfied because we rushed these life decisions rather than taking the time to get to know the other person. I mean it's first date, a week later fucking, six months later moving in, another six months till engagement? That's heaping investments upon investments of energy and commitment upon someone in a relatively short time.

And dating itself? gah. No understanding whatsoever of romance. No understanding of the opposite sex or how to even communicate to them. It's just a shit proposition mainly because of the speed at which things move and societal pressures. And that is something we do to each other, little by little, by believing the myths and by reinforcing them. because, laughably, that's basically what "society" is. A bunch of people, each trying to guess what the others want us to do and what they want to hear from us. It SUCKS.
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
You. Yeah, you people arguing needlessly. Stahp.
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Posted 1/14/15

CherryDynamite8 wrote:

You. Yeah, you people arguing needlessly. Stahp.

Sorry. When I saw people bring up the whole "nice guy" thing, I felt compelled to share my opinion on it, and I ended up going further than I should've.
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Posted 1/14/15 , edited 1/14/15
I doubt there are many people who would use the saying "all men are the same" and actually mean 100% of men. Pretty sure it's a hyperbole in most cases.

And since there's some commentary on being nice/"nice guys" going on... IMO people should just focus on being themselves, instead of trying so hard to be "nice" and letting the world know about it. For starters, you should probably be acting like a decent human being if you want positive relationships anyway, and secondly, no one is going to love you for just being nice. No one (I hope) is going to jump your bones for holding the door open behind you or pulling out a chair. They're going to love you because of similar interests and goals, attraction, how much fun you have together, and a whole mess of other things. I feel for you if things don't work out with someone you love/are crushing on and you've really tried support them, but ultimately, you're not entitled to anything. It can be a hard lesson to learn, but if you're going to try and be there for someone, you should be there because you care about them, not just because you want to date them/be in a relationship with them. It might hurt that they don't return your romantic feelings, but they are a person too, with their own feelings and thoughts and goals and if they're not into you romantically, there's not much else to it. Perhaps, if you keep running into this situation, the issue is with you and your actions, and not the other person.


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