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Post Reply You aren't protective enough. Do you even care?
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Posted 1/15/15 , edited 1/15/15
So another thread reminded me of my past relationships, and got me wondering about a curious question. Do you have to be fairly protective to show affection these days?

I've never been the protective type. At all. If I have to check my girlfriend's phone and know where she is at all times she isn't worth keeping around. For the most part, I'll let my significant other go out with whoever she wants, as long as she isn't getting mixed up with a bad crowd. I have no intention of checking her phone, Facebook, or whatever else. I don't mind if she has guy friends, as long as they are only friends. Any girl I date is allowed to be her own person and live her life.

With this approach, you may have guessed that most of my relationships, ranging from a few months to two years, have ended with a girl cheating on me and more or less claiming that I am not protective enough. This isn't as consistent as I make it sound, and only once has it been the actual reason why a (very brief) relationship failed.

I am curious. Do you enjoy being tied down, closely monitored, and not trusted? I can understand where concern to an extent is appreciated and necessary. If your partner unexpectedly stays out late, it's only natural to be a bit concerned, or seriously worried depending on the circumstances. But why should a girl, or a guy, have to be locked down to keep a relationship going? Talk about not knowing when to give up...
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Posted 1/15/15 , edited 1/15/15

lilliputian_otaku wrote:

So another thread reminded me of my past relationships, and got me wondering about a curious question. Do you have to be fairly protective to show affection these days?

I've never been the protective type. At all. If I have to check my girlfriend's phone and know where she is at all times she isn't worth keeping around. For the most part, I'll let my significant other go out with whoever she wants, as long as she isn't getting mixed up with a bad crowd. I have no intention of checking her phone, Facebook, or whatever else. I don't mind if she has guy friends, as long as they are only friends. Any girl I date is allowed to be her own person and live her life.

With this approach, you may have guessed that most of my relationships, ranging from a few months to two years, have ended with a girl cheating on me and more or less claiming that I am not protective enough. This isn't as consistent as I make it sound, and only once has it been the actual reason why a (very brief) relationship failed.

I am curious. Do you enjoy being tied down, closely monitored, and not trusted? I can understand where concern to an extent is appreciated and necessary. If your partner unexpectedly stays out late, it's only natural to be a bit concerned, or seriously worried depending on the circumstances. But why should a girl, or a guy, have to be locked down to keep a relationship going? Talk about not knowing when to give up...


I see what you are saying
There is a Balance a give and take. You can't kling to a girl like plastic wrap and expect her to like/respect you.
There is a magnetic attraction in a relationship and that pull is feeling of the wholesomeness/satisfaction.
If you are stuck then there is no mutuial attraction and both of you will move on to someone else if you don't address it.
Plus there are more guys that are interested in that one mate than there are girls chasing after guys.
Life sucks I know....
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Posted 1/15/15
I feel like with a lot of society lately there's this huge push that for some reason the man in the relationship has to be clingy and possessive, and I really don't like it. The big Twilight craze, and now the 50 Shades bullshit just serves as a reminder every time I hear people talking about it (when it's positive - which is a good majority of the time, unfortunately). Young girls all the way up to full grown women expressing this desire to basically be trapped with a guy that feels the need to know where they are and what they're doing 24/7. People that seem not to want to deal with anything themselves and instead want to pawn off all their responsibility on someone else and calling it love. It's a very controlling sort of attitude that they're looking for and that sort of thing just cannot end well.

Needless to say, I like my space and my own thoughts undisturbed in a relationship. I look for the person to complete me, not the person to think and act for me and be possessive of me. If I can't trust someone (which means I do have a reason not to trust them, because I don't just up and expect that from the start) then I break up with them. If they can't trust me then they really need to re-evaluate their thoughts and why they think they can't, because that's something that's learned, not something that everyone is ingrained with.
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Posted 1/15/15 , edited 1/15/15
The more I hear and read people's thoughts and advice on how relationships are supposed to work, the more I realize that no one has a clue what they're talking about.

Just do what makes you happy. Worst case scenario is you'll be happy.
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Posted 1/15/15
A lot of times when people ask for help they already know what the solution is

Just sayin'
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Posted 1/15/15
Everyone is different, you aren’t going to find one rule that applies to everyone. You can only find rules that apply to some. The trick is find those who obey or comply with the rules you prefer. I read what the OP wrote, and interpret it mean that they prefer not being “jealous type.” So the trick is find those who don’t require “jealousy” or “protection.” They could go to a forum and ask what does everyone prefer “Protection” or Not? But I suspect you will not get an honest answer. Because actions speak louder than words.
Sogno- 
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Posted 1/15/15
idk there's some endearing about them yanderes... aside from the whole, you know, trying-to-kill-you thing. but that's not a problem long as you stay in their sight and they can see your every move and every breath, right?
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23 / M
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Posted 1/15/15
I'm curious about which thread prompted this.
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Posted 1/16/15
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24 / M / UK
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Posted 1/16/15
Your other half being protective isn't necessarily a bad thing, nor does it show that they dont trust you.
In my opinion if someone is a little protective it just shows they like you enough to worry about what your up too, not necessarily that they dont trust you.
However there is too much, if your partner wants to know where you are every second of the day, or constantly checking your phone or doing any of it behind your back just to try to catch you out, then thats too protective and probably shows they dont trust you...
Posted 1/16/15

I am curious. Do you enjoy being tied down, closely monitored, and not trusted?

Who would? I don't like controlling people or being controlling, if we trust each other that little there is probably no point even continuing.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 1/16/15 , edited 1/16/15
Some people need to be baby sat and told they can't do things, If you can't do this than it's you that's lacking.
Apparently.
Or another way to look at it is they were using you as a safety net while they look for a new boyfriend.

Not everyone's like this so if you don't want someone like this in your life than don't change, dump them.

Protection wise men are seen are white knights that are willing to go to jail for someone else's honor, that's not me.
If I want to protect someone, my priority is to run away like a man and take them with me.
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35 / F / windurst
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Posted 1/16/15
there's a difference between protective and being crazy jealous and/or having trust issue
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34 / F / California
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Posted 1/16/15
I think for most people living in first world countries the need to actually protect your loved one from physical harm is pretty rare, I know I have never been in a situation where I felt it was necessary.

However, when it comes to feelings of protectiveness I don't think imminent danger is the only cause. I frequently experience the desire to go to my boyfriend's workplace and give them an earful, because they don't treat him with respect and it pisses me off. He has to deal with it because he doesn't want to get fired, and I certainly don't want to get him fired, but I hate hearing about him being disrespected and under-appreciated. While I tend to just grumble about slights against myself, I get way more fired up about slights against my loved ones. I think that this is a fairly common form of protectiveness, and when kept within reason it's just fine.
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 1/16/15
well, im protective in the phyiscal sense. keep up on the car, enough food and water so if she get stuck in a snow storm she can live 24 horus in there...ect. that kind of thing. dont really care where she goes and who she sees. not my problem.

but i am the kind of guy who wants to be called ever few hours just to say hello. some people might not like that.
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