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Post Reply You aren't protective enough. Do you even care?
Lohuum 
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Posted 1/16/15
I see myself as being very protective as in the sense if someone tries to harm my girlfriend I will do the best in my power to keep her safe or end the other person. Now as for the insecure and not trusting each other sense I'm not protective. I don't check her Facebook or her phone, I don't know her passwords just like she doesn't know mine. the only thing I could look up if I wanted to was who she texts the most because the phone bill is under my name because I have very good credit, But I don't check it.
I trust her and she trusts me
Posted 1/16/15

Sir_jamesalot wrote:

Protection wise, men are seen are white knights that are willing to go to jail for someone else's honor, that's not me.
If I want to protect someone, my priority is to run away like a man and take them with me.


Like a boss, lol.
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Posted 1/16/15
If you mean wanting someone to be happy and safe as "protective", then I think it's a pretty normal thing. It's weird and controlling if they check your phone and constantly ask what you're doing in a way that is restricting.
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Posted 1/16/15
I think there needs to be a better definition of protective. The whole checking up on someone because you're worried they'll be cheating isn't protective it's possessive and that's not a healthy relationship. Your partner is an adult like yourself and should be trusted. If you can't trust them to not cheat then that relationship is a waste.

I've met one date like that and I said my farewell to him. The man told me I couldn't do that because he wasn't finished with me . Then he proposed . I declined. His sort of personality seemed like the beginnings of a domestic violence relationship. Yeah he brought me roses but if I'd stuck around he'd bring me bruises too.
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Posted 1/16/15
There's really little to do in that situation. I got both ends of the stick in a previous relationship. Told I was too clingy while being told I didnt work hard enough to "win" her, (i.e. fight other guys off). I told her I trusted her, then she would get all googly eyed at other men and tell me things that pretty much implicitly said she considered being with them. And it was an endless cycle of hearing other people's opinions of how shitty I was (and that she should be with them) and bending over backwards to do crazy shit to show I loved her, (one resulted in an awesome story about how I slept in a graveyard on the grave of a korean war vet in the soaking rain just to be able to catch a flight to see her at school).

If they are CONSTANTLY (because a little is understandable) worried about what other people think, you don't really exist to them.

If you have to be "protective" of them, then they probably are suffering from a wandering eye and they aren't really even with you.

Just not worth it.
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M
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Posted 1/16/15
Sounds more to me like your then-girlfriends had wandering proclivities, and then blamed you for it when confronted.
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Posted 1/17/15 , edited 1/17/15

marklebid wrote:

Sounds more to me like your then-girlfriends had wandering proclivities, and then blamed you for it when confronted.


Nah... more just really weak willed.

Young and stupid ya know.
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Velvet,private je...
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Posted 1/17/15
I think it's good to be protective to the needed amount.
Not personal, security guard, and chaperone 24/7. I don't have many to protect let alone need to protect anyone so I can only say that.
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Posted 1/17/15 , edited 1/17/15
My form of protection involves only necessary physical intervention rather than privacy violations and restrictions. Though restrictions do apply in potentially dangerous situations but I really would try to stop anyone from probable harm.

I would think someone else would be insulted if I took actions that suggest I don't trust them, especially a girlfriend.... What is wrong with people!?
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Posted 1/17/15 , edited 1/17/15
"Protective" seems like a nicer word for "not trusted" and/or "obsessive/clingy" in this context.

If there isn't mutual trust in the relationship, I can't do it. I dislike clingy people, too. I'll hang out with you a lot, sure, but please don't be texting or calling me 24/7.

But if your partner does seem suspicious, and you suspect they're cheating, or doing other things that can hurt them, investigating won't hurt. And confronting them won't hurt, either. Maybe it might, but it's for the best if you want a stable relationship, don't you think?
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Posted 3/9/16
A choice between anime and a person? Easy
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Posted 3/9/16
You have just described all the qualities of a worried parent. I wouldn't call it being "tied down"

there is a difference between that and being caring...I wouldn't want to be seen as a mother who need to constantly keep their son in check
Humms 
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Posted 3/10/16
Do you even care?

No not really. If they want to play that game then I will show them the door, and if they want to tell how you don't give a shit about a relationship, then I will call them a cab XD

No but seriously, protective when I have someone, but I don't care what they do, if they really want to talk to other guys go ahead, you want to hang out with other friends go ahead, I really don't care what you do. At the end of the day I'm the one who is going to be there for her, if she wants to get mad because you let her hang out with whoever you want. Refer back to my first statement.
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Posted 3/10/16 , edited 3/10/16
There is a big difference between being protective and being controlling. What you're describing sounds like being controlling. It's NOT being protective checking someone's phone. That's a sign of mistrust and is a control issue. Being protective is when some jerk comes up and starts groping your girlfriend while she's asking him to leave her the hell alone so you kick his #$%. Being protective is when some moron decides to try and rob you'll and you place yourself in front of your girlfriend. Or in a less do or die violence situation, being protective is just working hard. Making sure the bills are paid, bringing her something to eat/drink in bed when she's sick or heck even when she's feeling well. Making sure she's okay mentally and physically and just generally caring more about her than yourself. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but none of what the op described sounds like being protective to me.

If you don't trust her or her friends then the relationship is probably not worth keeping. Listen to all those old people who says that trust is the cornerstone of their relationship. They know what they're talking about. Just because you don't do some of these things does NOT mean you're not protective enough. It just means you're respectful and do your best to trust her. If they have a problem with that then that's their problem, not yours. Snooping is not protecting. Controlling is not loving. Ordering is not sharing, you get the message.

I don't think I would ever look in someone else's phone. Now if they let me use it I might cheat a bit and have a looksee. I don't mind bending the rules a bit but actually just taking it and going through it, no.

I say we all just need giant hamster balls. That way we won't have to worry about anyone, plus it would be a lot of fun. We'd have to make the sidewalks bigger but that's a small price to pay for me getting to roll around in a giant hamster ball and getting to run into everyone else and knock them off of the road and see them go...........uhm, I mean it's for people's protection.
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Posted 3/10/16
i like protective

and when I say protective I mean that literally, watching out for danger
comforting
someone I can rely on




what you are talking about is not protective, that is controling
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