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Post Reply You aren't protective enough. Do you even care?
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Posted 3/10/16

TheOriginalStraynge wrote:

There is a big difference between being protective and being controlling. What you're describing sounds like being controlling. It's NOT being protective checking someone's phone. That's a sign of mistrust and is a control issue. Being protective is when some jerk comes up and starts groping your girlfriend while she's asking him to leave her the hell alone so you kick his #$%. Being protective is when some moron decides to try and rob you'll and you place yourself in front of your girlfriend. Or in a less do or die violence situation, being protective is just working hard. Making sure the bills are paid, bringing her something to eat/drink in bed when she's sick or heck even when she's feeling well. Making sure she's okay mentally and physically and just generally caring more about her than yourself. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but none of what the op described sounds like being protective to me.

If you don't trust her or her friends then the relationship is probably not worth keeping. Listen to all those old people who says that trust is the cornerstone of their relationship. They know what they're talking about. Just because you don't do some of these things does NOT mean you're not protective enough. It just means you're respectful and do your best to trust her. If they have a problem with that then that's their problem, not yours. Snooping is not protecting. Controlling is not loving. Ordering is not sharing, you get the message.

I don't think I would ever look in someone else's phone. Now if they let me use it I might cheat a bit and have a looksee. I don't mind bending the rules a bit but actually just taking it and going through it, no.

I say we all just need giant hamster balls. That way we won't have to worry about anyone, plus it would be a lot of fun. We'd have to make the sidewalks bigger but that's a small price to pay for me getting to roll around in a giant hamster ball and getting to run into everyone else and knock them off of the road and see them go...........uhm, I mean it's for people's protection.


thank you, said it better than I could
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46 / F / Reston, VA, USA
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Posted 3/10/16
In my opinion, being protective and being controlling are two far different things. Being jealous is also different from being protective.

An example of being protective is knowing that your significant other is going out with friends and expects to be back sometime that evening probably before 11pm. This way if they aren't home by the anticipated time you know something happened and usually if it is something simple they'll have texted or called and said "Hey I had a flat tire and am waiting for the guy from AAA to help change it, I'll be a little late." Whereas if they don't call or text, you can start worrying, and if they don't make contact or show up for whatever is considered a reasonable length of time, you start trying to find out what happened and whether or not you need to report a missing person.

Being controlling is forcing your significant other to tell you every stop they are going to make when they go out, and checking their car's mileage and gas gauge to verify they actually went where they told you they were going to be, as well as making them text you at each stop so you can verify by the time they arrived if they made any unscheduled stops along the way. Being controlling is giving your spouse an allowance for groceries and necessities and checking where each penny goes. It is browbeating your significant other if they do anything you didn't approve of in advance and shows a major lack of trust.

Being jealous is not allowing your significant other to have any friends of whichever sex they might be attracted to - in fact maybe not allowing them to spend time with any friends other than you because you fear they may find someone else more interesting than you or more attractive than you or that the other person might be saying bad things about you behind your back. Jealousy often includes extremely controlling behavior.
Posted 3/10/16
Yes I like being tied down
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Posted 3/10/16

Razor_Girl wrote:

In my opinion, being protective and being controlling are two far different things. Being jealous is also different from being protective.

An example of being protective is knowing that your significant other is going out with friends and expects to be back sometime that evening probably before 11pm. This way if they aren't home by the anticipated time you know something happened and usually if it is something simple they'll have texted or called and said "Hey I had a flat tire and am waiting for the guy from AAA to help change it, I'll be a little late." Whereas if they don't call or text, you can start worrying, and if they don't make contact or show up for whatever is considered a reasonable length of time, you start trying to find out what happened and whether or not you need to report a missing person.

Being controlling is forcing your significant other to tell you every stop they are going to make when they go out, and checking their car's mileage and gas gauge to verify they actually went where they told you they were going to be, as well as making them text you at each stop so you can verify by the time they arrived if they made any unscheduled stops along the way. Being controlling is giving your spouse an allowance for groceries and necessities and checking where each penny goes. It is browbeating your significant other if they do anything you didn't approve of in advance and shows a major lack of trust.

Being jealous is not allowing your significant other to have any friends of whichever sex they might be attracted to - in fact maybe not allowing them to spend time with any friends other than you because you fear they may find someone else more interesting than you or more attractive than you or that the other person might be saying bad things about you behind your back. Jealousy often includes extremely controlling behavior.


my last relationship was the last paragraph
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Posted 3/10/16

kyuoki wrote:
Yes I like being tied down ;)
seems like you are allready tied down to the ground XP
or should I get the suit thats down in the basement?


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Posted 3/10/16
What you describe is not being protective, that's called crazy distrusting jealousy.
So your title should be ''You aren't crazy, distrusting and jealous enough. Do you even care?''
And so no...I don't care that i'm not crazy, distrusting and jealous.
Posted 3/10/16
I need more info from op to answer this one? and to add why do people feel the need to post there relationship problems it kind of makes me sad.
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Posted 3/10/16
Only thing I'm protective of is my food.
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25 / F / US
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Posted 3/10/16

I know it's a difficult thing trusting a person you're new to a relationship with, but I feel if you have to watch their every step to make sure they aren't cheating, they aren't worth being with. You'll just become more paranoid and it's not good for your health.

A little bit of jealousy or protectiveness is fine, and reminds the other person you care. It's easy to go overboard though.
Posted 3/10/16
Haven't dated enough (any) people to know if I'm protective in relationships or not.
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18 / M / California
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Posted 3/10/16

dotsforlife wrote:

Only thing I'm protective of is my food.


I always end up agreeing with you, stop copying me
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23 / M / Texas
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Posted 3/10/16

dotsforlife wrote:

Only thing I'm protective of is my food.


Here here
Posted 3/10/16

Freddy96NO wrote:


kyuoki wrote:
Yes I like being tied down ;)
seems like you are allready tied down to the ground XP
or should I get the suit thats down in the basement?




I'd prefer second option
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Posted 3/10/16

ayaundwolf wrote:

reminds the other person you care


That's probably the real lack. I think the OP had people who didn't think he cared enough, versus people who didn't think he protected them enough.
Posted 3/10/16


Euuughh!
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