Post Reply Outgoing/Extroverted People: Any advice for an introvert?
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Posted 1/18/15
I won't bore you with my life story; but I'll say this: as long as I can remember I've had trouble expressing my emotions. I tend to keep my feelings bottled up to the point that they'll sometimes burst out on unexpected/inconvenient times.

By default, I'm very withdrawn. Several people I've been friends with (or who I've been friendly with) over the years have told me that I come across as cold, distant or even arrogant on a first impressio. In reality I'm quite insecure and I suspect that I emote as little as possible to prevent being ''found out''.

So, that's my story in a nutshell. I wonder if there's people here willing to share some friendly advice or maybe someone who faces similar problems.



Posted 1/18/15
I get those unexpectedly inconveniently bursting out feeling times. What happens when you lose everything?
Posted 1/18/15
"No matter what you wear, the expression on your face is your greatest asset -- or liability. Would you want to strike up a conversation with someone who looks like he (or she) is mad at the world? Well, neither would anyone else. So, if you're wearing a perpetual frown, get rid of it. Trade it for a smile."


Just don't overdo it.


That's all I got.
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Posted 1/18/15
As someone who made that Introvert to Extrovert transition late in his High School years, I can say, do something that forces you to interact with someone. For me, that was stage acting, obviously not the best first step for everybody, but it forced me to know my cast and peers. Which in turn helped my confidence and level of interaction. You are who you surround yourself with, quite literally.

If you always hang out with people who know you as 'cold' or 'arrogant' and deem you as such, you'll always keep that personality without an external change. You don't suddenly change one day out of nowhere, it just doesn't happen. Everything will always be gradual.
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Posted 1/19/15 , edited 1/19/15

severticas wrote:

I get those unexpectedly inconveniently bursting out feeling times. What happens when you lose everything?


I usually just get really worked up over an incredibly minor annoyance; but at my worst I've broken stuff, mostly my own as opposed to vandalism - though I'm ashamed to admit I also did that once, many years ago but still.


JRiceKim wrote:

As someone who made that Introvert to Extrovert transition late in his High School years, I can say, do something that forces you to interact with someone. For me, that was stage acting, obviously not the best first step for everybody, but it forced me to know my cast and peers. Which in turn helped my confidence and level of interaction. You are who you surround yourself with, quite literally.

If you always hang out with people who know you as 'cold' or 'arrogant' and deem you as such, you'll always keep that personality without an external change. You don't suddenly change one day out of nowhere, it just doesn't happen. Everything will always be gradual.


First off, thank you for your advice. Second, I may not have been clear on this; but I meant to say that people's first impression of me tends to as someone who's cold and distant, and that several people I've been friends with have remarked that the way I come across is very different from the way I really am. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

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Posted 1/19/15
The first thing that occurred to me to say to this is never compromise your personality for other people's benefit. I know it sounds silly when you're hoping to become more open, but believe me, there's a difference between altering your perspectives and changing for the better, and trying to become something you're not to make other people happy. If you're a naturally introspective and quiet person who isn't a loudmouth and likes the solitude of just being inside your own mind and not necessarily telling everybody what you're thinking, then that's fine - that's who you are, and if someone doesn't like it, that's just their own personal opinion and it doesn't have any effect on who you are, so you should never worry about just being yourself, because you're absolutely fine the way you are!

However...

If you're uncomfortable with the fact that you feel you struggle to express your emotions and want to change that to benefit yourself, that's totally understandable, and you can definitely do it! It won't happen instantly, and it takes a little work to train yourself out of the habit you've built up over the years of keeping your feelings on lockdown until you explode, but I promise you, you can do it. It is important to be able to convey your feelings and opinions, especially to people you love and who love you, and even to people you don't get along with, because honesty is absolutely paramount to creating and maintaining wonderful relationships with people, and if you're having a clash with someone, your honest feelings can often reach that person and help rectify the situation. I think the key to this is reminding yourself on a daily basis that your feelings are always important and always valid - if you feel the opposite way to someone else, telling them that won't get you into trouble or make them hate you. It will prove to them AND yourself that you're a confident person who can stand on their own two feet and stand by your own opinions, and that's a quality that will draw people towards you, because you're honest and always tell it like it is. You don't have to be screaming from the rooftops or spouting your opinion on everything - just be certain of what you think and feel, and know you have every right to say it. When you do this, it will make you feel better about yourself because you'll never regret hiding the truth, and telling people your feelings straight away will help to make sure any unpleasant situation doesn't drag on because people aren't communicating properly.

I'm sorry that I TOTALLY rambled like a babbling fool but I hope you can get something good from it! I love to do my best to help people so if you have questions, please feel free to fire away (you can always PM me). Good luck and remember to always stay true to yourself!
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