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The darwin awards for the world funnies and stupidest dead. Do you agree ?
Posted 2/6/15 , edited 2/6/15

Top 20 Homicides of the Year <<Rated R>>
Every year, the U.S. F.B.I. is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes including murder & homicide cases. "Top 20 Homicides of the Year". Top 20 are as follows:

20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs. Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge
felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

17. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend Charla after he attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advances were met with a prompt kick in the chest and then four shots from a doubled barreled shot gun Charla's father had given to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for eight years (yes, eight years). Landlord Kirk Weston clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr. Halos paid his rent.

15. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her one year old sister who climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffocating her.

14. Megan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the street, Megan jumped out in front of them and yelled, "Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real looking target," one of the troopers stated in his report.

13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hit man hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The hit man was promised to be paid $500,000 for the task. The hit man killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.

12. Louis Zaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work. His wife, Lee Zaragoza, had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and had cut the brakes on his car four times previously. On this attempt, Lee was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her. He grabbed her and spun her around. As he did, she lost her footing and stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventricle of the heart, killing him instantly.

11. Mahmood Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown member of the Russian Mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink too soon at the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset that he forced the waiter to drink over 27 liters of Coca Cola (the drink he had taken away) until Mahmood drowned.

10. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

9. Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms, was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor. Over a period of three months, Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many
symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

8. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons, some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater and 500 meters of missing road.

7. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr. Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this, he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine. As she walked into the yard, he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her
instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

6. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie 'Die Hard With a Vengeance' as his inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read "Death to all niggers!" on one side and "God love the K.K.K." on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

5. Jay Newton was killed after a co-worker at Sea World in Florida dropped a 20 ton killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Tonne Crane, when the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness. His colleague, Brian Hartley, released the whale, crushing the victim instantly (and emptying a quarter of the water from the pool).

4. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, was killed by a fellow worker trying to prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane (the plane's gear automatically retracts after take off). But come landing time, the landing gear wouldn't

3. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past a New York apartment building. David Smee, aged 7, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids though it would be fun to try to squish the "ant looking things on the foot path below" (people). They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

2. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem and had no sense of smell. After the argument, Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the three gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me. Brian."
Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house and himself in the process.

1. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her zoo keeper boyfriend He 'invited her' to the zoo to see the lions feeding, and at feeding time led her into a room that had a large slide away panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. He 'ducked out for a quick smoke' and locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many people staring at her. She was just about to yell and tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass when she realized that it was her on the wrong side. Another panel opened and three hungry lions were let into the pen. Gail survived for two days in hospital before dying of massive internal injuries.

https://www.skynet.ie/~bokanas/jokes/toptendeaths.html

1
Wearing Too Long a Scarf

Wearing Too Long a Scarf
In the 1920s, Dancer Isadora Duncan was a ravishing beauty with a long, slender neck. She also enjoyed wearing long flowing scarves and going for drives in the French countryside. Unfortunately, that combination of desires proved to be fatal: while sitting in the passenger seat of a sports car, her red scarf blew back and got caught in the rear-wheel axle, snapping her lovely neck in two and killing her instantly.


2
Eating Too Much Pudding

Eating Too Much Pudding
There is gluttony, and then there is King Adolf Frederick of Sweden. On February 12, 1771, the King sat down for a meal… and never got up. After eating a meal fit for a King, consisting of lobster, caviar, and champaigne, he decided to top it off with something sweet. Adolph managed to consume 14 bowls of Semla, a creme-filled pastry served in a bowl of hot milk, before his digestive system failed. I am not pudding you on.


3
Playing Music Too Loudly

Playing Music Too Loudly
LOOK OUT, THERE'S A HELICOPTER ABOUT TO CRASH!!! Isaiah Otieno might have heard that, or the terrifying sounds of an out-of-control helicopter… if he hadn't been wearing headphones. Otieno was out for a walk in British Columbia to mail a letter when the freak accident occurred, killing the pilot and occupants as well as the hapless pedestrian. Sometimes it pays to pay attention.



4
Dying Ironically: Owner of Segway Inc. dies on Segway

Dying Ironically: Owner of Segway Inc. dies on Segway
Call it a twist of fate, or just plain idiocy. James W. Heselden had recently taken charge of the Segway company – you know, those annoying, two wheeled devices that were supposed to be all the rage, but instead have been adopted only by postal officers and mall cops? Out for a victory ride, perhaps, Heselden accidentally steered his Segway off the cliffs near his home in England. As the old saying goes, live by the Segway, die by the Segway….


5
Playing Too Many Video Games

Playing Too Many Video Games
The last thing he saw...

To say that Lee Seung Seop had a video game addiction is somewhat of an understatement – he quit his job in order to devote more time to playing. In August 2005, he began a marathon video game at a local South Korean coffeeshop. Playing for 50 hours straight, only stopping for naps or bathroom breaks, he collapsed from dehydration and heart failure. Game over.


6
Jumping Off The Eiffel Tower in a Parachute Suit Test

Jumping Off The Eiffel Tower in a Parachute Suit Test
Franz Reichelt, a French tailor, was obsessed with his idea of creating a wearable parachute suit for aviators who might be in danger. He called himself The Flying Tailor, and arranged to have a test run for his invention atop the Eiffel Tower on Feb. 4, 1912, promising to use a dummy. It turns out he did use a dummy – himself – and horrified onlookers watched as he strapped on the para-suit and promptly plunged to his death. Thanks to YouTube, his first and final jump has been preserved for all to watch.





7
Sex and Viagra Overdose

Sex and Viagra Overdose
This guy was F-ing stupid. Two girls bet Sergey Tuganov, a 28-year-old man, $3000 he couldn't go at it all day in the sack with them. To prove them wrong the Russian downed an entire bottle of Viagra and went for it. Twelve hours later, he won the bet… but died of a heart attack.
http://www.oddee.com/item_98384.aspx


Most people die naturally, either in their sleep or in an explosion (hey, that counts as natural in todays crazy world). Then there are the unlucky few who come face to face with the Grim Reaper for the most ridiculous reasons.







10. Michael Anderson
"Who is Michael Anderson?" we hear you cry. Well, Michael Anderson was a convicted murderer who was about to meet his sweet demise by way of the electric chair. However, the guy managed to convince the jury at his appeal that the person he murdered had it coming. Either that or he payed them off. Still, there's nothing hilarious or unlucky about this asshole, so what's the deal, eh?



In a perfect world, he'd look like this. Purely for the comedy of the situation.

This is more of an ironic death to be honest. He was found sitting naked on a metal toilet, stone cold dead. How did he die? He was trying to fix a television and he electrocuted himself. The Reaper may not be perfect, but he sure is a smartass.

9. Allan Pinkerton
Apart from having the best name in the world, Allan Pinkerton started the Pinkerton detective agency. He foiled an assassination plot against Abraham Lincoln and spent a lot of his time chasing Jesse James, hopefully with entertaining ragtime music in the background.

Oh, and he died from biting his own tongue!



A great loss for beard-kind

In June 1884, old Mr Pinkerton was strolling along, when he trip on the pavement and bit his own tongue. The tongue became infected, since back then, witchcraft like science and reasoning didn't exist. He died on the 1st of July 1884. If he'd have been famous enough, the USA would celebrate "Pinkerton Day" every 1st of July. But he wasn't, so now he's merely remembered as "that fella who died from a bitten tongue!"

8. Elvis Presley
We don't want to keep coming back to "dying on the toilet" for most of these, so we're getting this one out of the way. Yes, the king of rock 'n' roll died on the crapper, most likely whilst eating a cheeseburger or something equally fatty and bad for him.



Just in case some of you didn't know who Elvis was.

We'll be honest, dying on the toilet sounds extremely relaxing. You've just finished emptying your bowels, you're calm, you feel relieved, then BAM! Bright light, choir music, sharp pitchforks and a tall red guy with horns. That's how we want to go!

7. Kenneth Pinyan
Kenneth Pinyan. What a god damn psychopath!



The eyes of a lunatic

We'll jump straight into this one: HE DIED BECAUSE HE WAS BEING FUCKED BY A HORSE!

That's right, this guy animal appreciation a little further than most sane people would! Evidentally, he wasn't the only crazy bastard in Enumclaw, as he managed to convince a friend to VIDEOTAPE the horse/man sex session. He eventually died of a perforated colon. Basically, the horses dick punched through the wall of his colon, completely disregarding his assumption that horse penis' become flexible once inside an anus!

6. Jack Daniel
Famous for creating a tasty and satisfying alcoholic beverage (sign the cheque to cash please, Brown-Forman Corporation, thanks), Jack Daniel died in 1911 at the tragic age of 65. We'd like to tell you that it was alcohol related, but this isn't the 10 Most Ironic Deaths.



Jack Daniel died from an infected toe. This came about from kicking his safe. Why kick a safe? He'd forgotten the combination.

Okay, maybe it's sort of alcohol related.

5. Random Climber
What's funnier than a famous person dying in an annoyingly ironic and amusing way? Well, a lot, assuming you're sane. However, we do enjoy it when the person in the story is unknown, as it adds a sense of mystery. Not much is know about this guy, other than the fact that he was extremely stupid. Out hunting, two companions were crossing a glacier when the lead hunter slipped and fell off the side. What a clutz, eh?



We get the feeling that wouldn't have happened, had Sly Stallone been there!

Out of shock, and possibly mental deficiency, his companion did the only thing he could think of: shout "Are you okay?". As luck would have it, the answer "Yes!" came back to him. Relieved, he jumped over the edge. The last sight he saw was his friend hanging from a single branch which was protruding from the ice.

His last word was "Fuuuuuuuuuuck!" (citation needed).

4.
3.
2.
1. This guy
We're not sure if this counts as unlucky (the guy clearly has issues), but it sure is hilarious! This occured on the 25th of August 2010, in South Korea.



http://www.cracked.com/funny-6410-the-top-10-most-hilariously-unlucky-deaths/


Do you agree or disagree ?
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Posted 2/6/15
some of these are sad, some are rather stupid ways to die and others are just damn funny.
Posted 2/7/15

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.


This should have been #1, imo. TOO funny.
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Posted 2/7/15
I thought the Darwin awards were for being too stupid to live, some of there aren't the victim's fault.
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Posted 2/7/15
Am I a terrible person for finding most of these deaths funny?
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Sir_jamesalot wrote:

I thought the Darwin awards were for being too stupid to live, some of there aren't the victim's fault.


They are. Being bludgeoned to death by your dildo-wielding wife, for example, is funny but not eligible for a Darwin Award.
Posted 2/7/15
I found it sorta sad.
Posted 2/7/15

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.


Don't make me spill my tea.
Posted 2/7/15

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.


I dont mean to be rude, but how the hell is that funny? Really.


Most of these aren't funny, they're sad.
Posted 2/7/15
I found none of that 'funny'. I don't see what's comical about people dying.
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13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hit man hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The hit man was promised to be paid $500,000 for the task. The hit man killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.


Someone didn't think their brilliant plan all the way through...
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Posted 2/7/15
I find most of these simply depressing, especially the one about the baby killing her older sister. Imagine having to break it to her down the road.
Posted 2/7/15 , edited 2/7/15

GreatLordBalzak wrote:


13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hit man hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The hit man was promised to be paid $500,000 for the task. The hit man killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.


Someone didn't think their brilliant plan all the way through...


Okay, I have to admit, that was funny, along with the toilet death. There's nothing that pleases me more than people getting their comeuppance. It amuses me when justices works out. Now does that make me a bad person for wanting bad stuff to happen to bad people?

The others were depressing. Dying on your birthday? Not fun. It seems utterly despicable to find some of these deaths humorous, as if we want to pat ourselves on the shoulders for being smarter than these unfortunate souls. Are we really that callous to find a child smothered to death by another child humorous on its own?
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devouringdragons wrote:

I found none of that 'funny'. I don't see what's comical about people dying.


Exactly. And rewards? Given for someone having the most "funniest" death? What the fuck?
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munchthis wrote:

some of these are sad, some are rather stupid ways to die and others are just damn funny.


my thoughts exactly

i definitely didn't find all of them funny/stupid. but others... pfffft
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