Post Reply Hilarious Death Quotes from Real People
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29 / M / Bullhead City, AZ
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Posted 2/7/15 , edited 2/7/15
What I'm about to post down below is something I took from one of my replies in another thread, but it got me thinking about some other hilarious death quotes from people who have died or who were about to die. I know death itself isn't supposed to be funny, but some people I think have reached a level of trolling I don't think anyone in the internet age could even dream of achieving. Do you guys/gals know of any you found particularly humorous?

This is what I said in the other topic, and my contribution to this thread:


Turn Me Over, I'm Done

"Pope Sixtus II ordained St. Lawrence as a Deacon and promptly demanded he hand over all of his wealth to the church. St. Lawrence believed that all of his wealth should go directly to those in need and began to distribute it all to the poor. Pope Sixtus II became infuriated at this act, and had a giant grid iron made and placed hot coals underneath. He then had St. Lawrence placed on it and grilled him alive. It is reported that St. Lawrence joked around with his tormentors, telling them after a while of cooking to, "Turn me over, I'm done on this side." and right before he finally died said "Take me off, I'm fully cooked.".

St. Lawrence also happens to be the patron saint of cooks and firefighters.

That and St. Lawrence has to be the biggest troll in all of existence.

I wonder if this is where the saying, "Turn me over, I'm crispy!" originated from.
Posted 2/8/15
That's pretty hilarious but I doubt that had occured xD
Posted 2/8/15
"Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!"

Groucho Marx or someone.
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31 / M / Wisconsin
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Posted 2/8/15
"Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies." These are the reported last words of the philosopher Voltaire when a priest asked him to renounce Satan before he died.
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15 / M / Australia, Victoria
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Posted 2/8/15 , edited 2/8/15
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33 / M / Florida
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Posted 2/8/15
I wish I could find the book, but there is a list of "last lines" from folks in hospice care where they were invited to write their "last words." The author would ask people for the last line(s) they would wish to utter before they die and some folks were profound while others were insightful, humorous, and a mix of emotions. I remember one quote was along the line of "I'm ready to get off this ride," and another was "check, please." My grandpa knew his time was coming to an end when he was told by the doctor to call of his family to his bedside. He didn't know that the nurse had already called us and we were outside the room. I love his response still, may he rest in peace. "Screw them. We've known I'm sick for a long time and if they haven't said their goodbyes by now, then they don't deserve to."
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17 / M / Crimson Mage Village
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Posted 2/8/15
"What an artist the world loses in me."
-loose translation of Emperor Nero's last words before slitting his throat-

Oh, he was an artist, all right...
Posted 2/8/15
Not quite a death quote but...

"If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."

"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


- Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
Posted 2/8/15
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Posted 2/8/15


It seems comical, but in this day and age, when terrorists are setting explosives around to kill and maim the innocent, you can't take it too lightly.

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21 / M / Tiphares
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Posted 2/8/15
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