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Post Reply Expectation is the mother of dissapointment...
Posted 2/18/15 , edited 2/18/15
I think as humans we have this tendency to expect something out of say a situation or a person with such conviction that when it isn't we get angry/sad and/or backlash at someone since they didn't meet our expectations. So what I'm getting at is looking back in retrospect does this hold true to you and what are some example of this happening in your life?

My example would be, I was expecting a package to come in the mail and I checked the mail box only to find it not to be there.Needless to say I was sad, then like an hour later I checked again, yea... Funny thing was that it was delivered to me later on that day by the UPS man, then I was like awwww shit awesome. So yea that's my story.

Also I'm not asserting that It's bad or good(that's not up to me), but merely making an observation.
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Posted 2/18/15

potentsativa wrote:

I think as humans we have this tendency to expect something out of say a situation or a person with such conviction that when it isn't we get angry/sad and/or backlash at someone since they didn't meet our expectations. So what I'm getting at is looking back in retrospect does this hold true to you and what are some example of this happening in your life?

My example would be, I was expecting a package to come in the mail and I checked the mail box only to find it not to be there.Needless to say I was sad, then like an hour later I checked again, yea... Funny thing was that it was delivered to me later on that day by the UPS man, then I was like awwww shit awesome. So yea that's my story.

Also I'm not asserting that It's bad or good(that's not up to me), but merely making an observation.


I believe this to be a fair observation of human nature. Personally, I believe one needs to have confidence in what they want in life, but never have expectation. For me, that would be colleges; I have a fair amount of confidence that I will get in, thanks to my high grades and all the hard work I placed into school. Colleges, however, are a crap-shoot: oftentimes, acceptance into one will not always be based on merit alone, and I've come to accept this.

While I have confidence in getting accepted into the colleges I applied for, and I have been accepted into one so far, as for the other seven, I am not expecting to get into these seven other colleges. Hence, because I don't expect to get in, it'll be less of a letdown if that eventuality occurs, but because I have the confidence that a good outcome can happen, I won't beat myself up because I wasn't "good enough", which simply isn't true.

As for your package, similar to my college conundrum, I think that's more of an issue of having confidence that it will come while not having the expectations as to what time it will arrive. In both of our situations, the element impeding the ability not to have expectations is time and patience, you with the package and me with my college acceptance letters. If one accepts the length of time for an outcome to come and has the patience while waiting, then disappointment will most likely not come. The best way I would get my mind off college is by keeping myself busy and relaxed and accepting that the inevitable will occur.

One last thing semi-related: I find that the truly greatest moments in life are when you receive something you truly needed and didn't expect.

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Posted 2/18/15 , edited 2/18/15
Well of course. If you set yourself up for something positive to happen and it doesn't happen you will feel dejected.

That's why people shouldn't be expectant in regards to relationships. Person A may be sick and Person B may give them space, let them have their time alone to rest and such because that's what they would prefer if they were sick but Person A is sulking in bed because they prefer to be pampered and attended to when they're sick. There's been no communication between the two and thus bitter feelings occur one-sided and most likely will cause tension or passive-aggressive behaviour if Person A is stubborn, sensitive or constantly expectant and feels like they're being let down (even though it's a result of their own expectancy and lack of communication in the given situation).

^That can be applied to any and all aspects of life. If somebody hypes a movie, game, restaurant to you endlessly and you finally try it out and find it's actually quite mediocre you'll be more disappointed than if you were to have approached it from a neutral perspective. If you expect to do really well on a test and get 90%+ but end up getting 75% then of course you'll be even more upset because you've set yourself up from the beginning with your expectations.

I learned to stop expecting things a long time ago (although being more so a pessimist isn't a fantastic mind set, you have to find a healthy balance) and, as far as relationships go, I can recognize when I'm being unrealistically expectant (like a lot of people do - as though their partner is a mind reader) and I will change the circumstances myself (come to terms with it, accept it and move on and/or communicate my wants/needs in order to have them realized).
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Posted 2/18/15
I swallow my pride.

They take my kindness as a weakness.

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Posted 2/18/15
very pessimistic of you, i prefer to see the glass as half full

how can you get want you want in life, without expecting/wanting/desiring. sure it might not always work out but at least you tried.
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Posted 2/18/15
I don't expect people to like me. I don't expect my friends to want to see me. I don't expect to accomplish much at work. I don't expect much of anything anymore. Seems to solve most problems. I tried and failed before. There's no point in making the same mistake twice.
Posted 2/18/15
that is true and grand... but we all know we never follow our own advices anyway.

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Posted 2/18/15
For us and most every living creature, we have an instinctual need to try shape our world to our advantage, and wishing for something to pan out in a certain way is an extension of that. It's pretty foolish to not accept the possibility of things not working out the way we want, of course. On the other hand, without expectations, we can hardly feel satisfaction, too. There are two sides to this coin.
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Posted 2/19/15
Well for me, when things don't go as expected, I usually react differently depending on the situation.

For instance, I ordered a book on Amazon with Prime. And almost all the time, it gets to me on its expected delivery date. But this time, it was a day late on my One Day Shipping, and I was tracking it the whole time. Since it wasn't the usual USPS but rather FedEx, I was like, "Okay, it'll get to me at night if not during the day." It arrives at my town with a whole chunk of the day to go and sits at their office for the rest of the day. Of course for that, I was disappointed because I could have saved $5 and just use my free Prime 2-day and have it delivered on that same day I actually got it. I did get my refund but was still disappointed. Not to mention, it was my college text book that I need for class to do my assignments, so that's pretty important.

Another instance.... I really don't have another example, but one if I don't consider it an important thing, even though my expectations were kind of high on it, I'll usually just go "meh" on it and carry on.
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Posted 2/19/15
Yeah, i end up dissapointed with tests because of that.
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Posted 2/19/15 , edited 2/19/15

A-Eky wrote:

very pessimistic of you, i prefer to see the glass as half full

how can you get want you want in life, without expecting/wanting/desiring. sure it might not always work out but at least you tried.


Exactly!

"Well... I spent $30000 on this thing but it turned out to be a box of bricks. BUT HEY I wasn't expecting of getting anything for my money so this box of bricks was GREAT!"

LAFFO

But seriously, what I do observe is a need for expectation management and not expectation removal. We should always expect things, but in the right ways and the right amounts. If someone always end up disappointed then it's a case of chronically poor expectation management.
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Posted 2/19/15
I enjoy this topic so much! For a long time now, I've been living by the code "if you don't have any expectations about anything, you can NEVER be disappointed" and it's worked wonders for me so far.
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Posted 2/19/15
Expectations tend to lead to issues, at least not if discussed first.
My first thought is expectations in a relationship. (Seriously people should discuss this!) If you both have different desires and beliefs in how it will go, it usually runs into troubles.
Expectations aren't always bad.. we expect people to do what they say they will (Painful, often, but it's fact) We also expect things to stay within what is considered "natural, normal and real" (Those words are painful to type)
Really, for humans expectation appears to be a natural state... perhaps what we need to worry more about is our reaction to whether or not these expectations are met and how much weight we put into them...
Very seldom is it a good idea to allow your whole life to sit upon someone else's meeting your expectations (Well doctors might be the only exception to this!) Ultimately, our lives, our dreams, our goals, these are things we have to decide and work for ourselves... every day is a chance to renew and rewrite what we expect for our own lives...
If expectations fail you, maybe you need to change your outlook? I'm working on mine.. but I will never, ever be one of those hideous "but life is good and *random religious figure* is good and everything will be sunshine and roses while I vomit rainbows." kind of people.. you probably know what I mean...
Posted 2/19/15

Lillith_Vecie wrote:

Expectations tend to lead to issues, at least not if discussed first.
My first thought is expectations in a relationship. (Seriously people should discuss this!) If you both have different desires and beliefs in how it will go, it usually runs into troubles.
Expectations aren't always bad.. we expect people to do what they say they will (Painful, often, but it's fact) We also expect things to stay within what is considered "natural, normal and real" (Those words are painful to type)
Really, for humans expectation appears to be a natural state... perhaps what we need to worry more about is our reaction to whether or not these expectations are met and how much weight we put into them...
Very seldom is it a good idea to allow your whole life to sit upon someone else's meeting your expectations (Well doctors might be the only exception to this!) Ultimately, our lives, our dreams, our goals, these are things we have to decide and work for ourselves... every day is a chance to renew and rewrite what we expect for our own lives...
If expectations fail you, maybe you need to change your outlook? I'm working on mine.. but I will never, ever be one of those hideous "but life is good and *random religious figure* is good and everything will be sunshine and roses while I vomit rainbows." kind of people.. you probably know what I mean...


Fuck yea, well said.
Posted 2/19/15
If you don't have any expectations then you won't ever be disappointed.
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