poem concept feedback please
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46 / M / central USA
Posted 2/22/15 , edited 2/23/15
I would like to reach out to other creative people for their impressions here. Not really a critique of the poems or style themselves, but rather your objective thoughts of the concepts that they were build on. These were both written years ago, but I am thinking that some concepts and experiences may be something that is a common experience. My writing has be very infrequent in recent years, but I had been looking at stoking the fires a bit. I have addressed most of the stumbling points I ran into, but getting a little feedback now and then is good for morale.

Writer’s Pass
Silence rings as words will sing within my frantic mind,
So much there I leave unsaid with my direction blind,
Feeling need to speak of things that words will not describe,
I will seek a stronger spirit of which to imbibe,
Not the kind that comes from grain, and flows into a glass,
Rather that which sends my spirit through the narrow pass,
Leading me to spaces where my inspirations free,
Flowing like a river to a vast and human sea,
There my words will mingle, and perhaps affect the flow,
Yet I will not see it as I turn my heel and go,
Threading my way through the pass to where those words are found,
Drumming out a silent chorus where such thoughts abound,
Waiting for a chance to show what they can truly be,
With a little help from people who can set them free.

Tomb of the Unknown Poem
Moaning doors sound so forlorn,
Opened on that which I mourn,
Broken pieces lay around,
With no form that can be found,
So much missed within the flow,
Lost before their light can glow,
Ideas born within a thought,
Gone before they could be caught,
Moving quickly out of sight,
No time for a hand to write,
Poems without half a chance,
Having died after a glance,
Thus are gathered here today,
Thoughts that have gotten away,
Lying deep within this tomb,
All sharing a common doom,
Taken in an awful crime,
Swept away by winds of time.
Sailor Candy Moderator
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Posted 1/5/17 , edited 1/5/17
Forum Clean up. Old 2015 threads Locked.
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