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Post Reply Friendzone? You should read this.
Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/28/15
Well the beauty never fell for the beast sadly. I'd smack her too.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/28/15

StrawHatMichael wrote:


lorreen wrote:


StrawHatMichael wrote:


Scooty-Bby wrote:

I dont get what this thread is about?


It's actually very straightforward. The OP made this thread regarding a Tumblr post she found about guys complaining about getting friend zoned. Apparently the Tumblr post offers a female's POV.


That's pretty rich that you take it on yourself to explain what the thread is about when you say you didn't (and won't) read the article. The Tumblr post is not about guys complaining about getting friendzoned. It's more a particular woman's sharing of experiences related to the concept of "friendzone." So, the last part of your statement is true. The second sentence, not so much.


Didn't like my explanation? Provide a better one for the person with perhaps a little less emphasis on targeting me, just my opinion



As a dude who read the post, I can offer you some perspective - it's about a woman who has throughout her life experienced some men who she befriended and felt betrayed when she found out they wanted to be more than friends and when she said no, I just want to be friends, they stopped being her friend. This included men after she had came out of the closet. It's an interesting perspective. I'm not sure I follow her all the way back to being a 5 year old, but still. Her in the article is - while the dude feels upset because a girl he was falling for only wanted to be friends, the girl is also upset because a dude she thought was her friend only wanted a relationship. Both sides lose something when the two parties to a friendship have a different view on what they want out of the relationship. That was the point of the article, and it makes perfect sense. It may have been an oddly written Tumblr piece with odd contrasting colors picked for the page, but the point is valid.

I have been in the situation before where I had a girl I had a thing for in college. The two of us were friends for years before I actually said something about it. She said she didn't want to ruin the friendship, and I said I understood. Now, here's where some I know differ in their response. I remained friends with her through the remainder of college. I didn't try to pursue a relationship with her again, just considered her a friend and kept it that way. I acted as though it wasn't a big deal afterwards. It was a big deal at the time to me, it was upsetting as I did have feelings for the girl, but I made myself move on because, frankly, there's nothing I could do about it & she was my friend. I didn't want to lose that because of this. I didn't hate her afterward. I didn't insult her afterward to her or my friends. I just moved on and remained friends. When you care about someone - why would you hate them suddenly if they don't like you the same way you like them...?

All that said, I'm fine that a relationship with her didn't happen. A year and a half later, I met the woman who is now my wife. We've been married nearly 8 years and have 4 beautiful children (even if the 7 mo old twins keep us up for good chunks of the night ). I wouldn't trade that for anything and wouldn't change that decision or my response to it.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 5/23/15
I wouldn't say that being friend-zoned is a bad thing, however it is important in life to have the practice with relationships at an early age (around middle school). That being said this person on tumbler is full of it and can't or refuses to use logic when seeing what someone has to offer and basing the decision off those factors. The short-sidedness coming from the poster is stupid and should simply look up how hormones work why they ask "why is this happening to me?" and make themselves a victim. Guys don't listen to this tumbler post, it's just plain stupid. Also, be upfront about your intentions from the start and if necessary explain things so there aren't misunderstandings that could take place and ruin a good thing. Also, being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex for there is also personal responsibility involved for both parties to keep a relationship going. It also gives you a better idea of what kind of person you are.
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Posted 3/3/15

mdmrn wrote:

As a dude who read the post, I can offer you some perspective - it's about a woman who has throughout her life experienced some men who she befriended and felt betrayed when she found out they wanted to be more than friends and when she said no, I just want to be friends, they stopped being her friend. This included men after she had came out of the closet. It's an interesting perspective. I'm not sure I follow her all the way back to being a 5 year old, but still. Her in the article is - while the dude feels upset because a girl he was falling for only wanted to be friends, the girl is also upset because a dude she thought was her friend only wanted a relationship. Both sides lose something when the two parties to a friendship have a different view on what they want out of the relationship. That was the point of the article, and it makes perfect sense. It may have been an oddly written Tumblr piece with odd contrasting colors picked for the page, but the point is valid.

I have been in the situation before where I had a girl I had a thing for in college. The two of us were friends for years before I actually said something about it. She said she didn't want to ruin the friendship, and I said I understood. Now, here's where some I know differ in their response. I remained friends with her through the remainder of college. I didn't try to pursue a relationship with her again, just considered her a friend and kept it that way. I acted as though it wasn't a big deal afterwards. It was a big deal at the time to me, it was upsetting as I did have feelings for the girl, but I made myself move on because, frankly, there's nothing I could do about it & she was my friend. I didn't want to lose that because of this. I didn't hate her afterward. I didn't insult her afterward to her or my friends. I just moved on and remained friends. When you care about someone - why would you hate them suddenly if they don't like you the same way you like them...?

All that said, I'm fine that a relationship with her didn't happen. A year and a half later, I met the woman who is now my wife. We've been married nearly 8 years and have 4 beautiful children (even if the 7 mo old twins keep us up for good chunks of the night ). I wouldn't trade that for anything and wouldn't change that decision or my response to it.


Well said. I think it applies even with people you have been in a relationship with. I knew someone for a long time, and we did end up getting in a serious relationship together (even got engaged!), but eventually broke things off. That was the right decision.. but neither of us wanted to lose that friendship, either. I wasn't friendzoned - I managed to keep my friend after a breakup.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

CoffeeGodEddy wrote:

Long story short of the article - don't get mad when someone friendzones you when you already girl-friendzoned her, as the author puts it. In other words, if you're being friends with this girl because you want to be her boyfriend or get in her pants, don't throw a temper tantrum when she says no.


If that's what the article is about, it's kind of strange. I would think you should befriend someone, and then move into a romantic relationship. Or does the poster mean if you are being their friend for the sole purpose of going out with them?

Posted 3/3/15 , edited 5/23/15
There is no real back story into the guys so we can safely assume she never got to find out why these guys wanted her for more than just friendship. That omission alone is enough to not be judging these guys so harshly. I can guess that they didn't have many friends or any, perhps, who were girls. If they are bedazzled and want her because she is a puzzle to them, then it's understandable that they could end up taking what they think other girls think of them, out on her, for she does not considering them outside of her desire to only play games with them.

And they are very young from the sound of it. This is something they probably do not even remember from their past. The writing is as though looking at past and i can bet it's very much in the past. Wouldn't that say something about the writer?
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 5/23/15
When love fails you, there is always love plus.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/28/15
Never met a guy who bitches about being "friend" zoned, I think thats mostly tumblr/4chan terittory (aka land of overweight neck beard fedora autists)
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/28/15
I think it's different "friendzoning" a guy if he just wants sex. But dudes will be totally seriously in love with a girl and get "friendzoned"

Lemme tell you some things based off of my experiences as a "friendzone veteran"

Guys: I put the word friendzone in quote because it isn't a thing that exists. It's just a term girls use because they don't want to explain to the guy that they don't want to be in a relationship with them. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. There's no "zone" if she says she just wants to be friends, either be a real friend or move on. Trying to make it something that it's not will only make things worse.

-My advice? Get your life straight, get some stuff going for you, come back and stunt hard. Make her feel like she made a mistake. But do it subtly, you don't wanna look like you're actually trying to get revenge

Ladies: Don't get mad when a guy doesn't talk to you after you told him you didn't want to be with him. Most likely he wanted to be friends first because he didn't want to rush into anything. He wanted you two to get to know each other first before trying anything serious. You crushed everything he worked for, don't expect him to want to be around you still. If you HONESTLY want to be friends with him, give him some time to supress his feelings. Tell him what's really up. Part ways for a bit, then try it again.







TL:DR - There is no friendzone. Guys, don't try to get out of something that doesn't exist. Ladies, don't try to put guys in something that doesn't exist. Be real, tell them what's really going on.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

severticas wrote:

There is no real back story into the guys so we can safely assume she never got to find out why these guys wanted her for more than just friendship. That omission alone is enough to not be judging these guys so harshly. I can guess that they didn't have many friends or any, perhaps, who were girls. If they are bedazzled and want her because she is a puzzle to them, then it's understandable that they could end up taking what they think other girls think of them, out on her, for she does not considering them outside of her desire to only play games with them.

And they are very young from the sound of it. This is something they probably do not even remember from their past. The writing is as though looking at past and i can bet it's very much in the past. Wouldn't that say something about the writer?


I don't know. I think that dwelling on the past is just in general not a great idea. Our feet default to making us walk forward for a reason...

There's 2 or 3 things that strike me about the friendzone phenomena.

1. People obviously are either unpracticed and/or unknowledgeable/unaware of the signals they send. Either those who want more than friendship aren't good about expressing it (and flat out saying it is just wrong. It's a sure fire way of getting turned down. Nobody wants to hear the first time you meet them "marry me" or "wanna fuck?", and to be completely fair it takes time to get to know someone and realize what you want from them) or, they're on the recipient end of someone's desires and probably don't know that they're giving signals to the other person. And in either case, that comes from realizing this shit keeps happening to you and trying to analyze what's going on and what you can do to change it. There's an old roman proverb that escapes me at the moment about Poseidon not striking the same ship twice... Meaning that if something keeps happening to you, then there's probably something you're doing wrong.

2. I think it's also an ego boost for those who put people in the proverbial zone, despite how much they protest. Everyone wants to be desired, and to say "OMG!!!! People always seem to want relationships with me even though i don't want them!!!!" is kinda in a way falsely bragging about how desirable you are. It's a young person's problem and when they reach 35, I'm sure they're going to only WISH they had a fraction of that attention.

3. I've said it before and I'll say it again. People are too god damned obsessed with either sex or treating others as their playthings. In either case it's just too much of treating people like objects. It's egotistical as hell too. One side wants sex, the other wants the attention. Either work it out or go your separate ways..

4. is the friendzone this generation's answer to pining away for months/years over your "one twue wuv" and writing angsty bad poetry and listening to whiny emo anthems and shitting on the people around you as not being able to understand?Honestly, been there, done that, and I'm kinda unsure which I prefer...
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

IShouldBeStudying wrote:
Guys: I put the word friendzone in quote because it isn't a thing that exists. It's just a term girls use because they don't want to explain to the guy that they don't want to be in a relationship with them. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. There's no "zone" if she says she just wants to be friends, either be a real friend or move on. Trying to make it something that it's not will only make things worse.


But... eh... yes it's a term that is used when someone stays as a friend when they have no chance for relationship. I don't think anyone expects it to mean some magical barrier zone that prevents relationships lol, just a quick way to say being as friends with someone even other of them wanted more than that but the other didn't for whatever reason.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15
That's why you should ask out before you become friends, can't get friend-zoned if your'e not friends. Also your intentions are clear from the beginning.

One more thing, Platonic relationship, not friendzone.
Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

serifsansserif wrote:


severticas wrote:

There is no real back story into the guys so we can safely assume she never got to find out why these guys wanted her for more than just friendship. That omission alone is enough to not be judging these guys so harshly. I can guess that they didn't have many friends or any, perhaps, who were girls. If they are bedazzled and want her because she is a puzzle to them, then it's understandable that they could end up taking what they think other girls think of them, out on her, for she does not considering them outside of her desire to only play games with them.

And they are very young from the sound of it. This is something they probably do not even remember from their past. The writing is as though looking at past and i can bet it's very much in the past. Wouldn't that say something about the writer?



There's an old roman proverb that escapes me at the moment about Poseidon not striking the same ship twice... Meaning that if something keeps happening to you, then there's probably something you're doing wrong.



Exactly, it is only that the writer shows these have occurred several times and to synthesis, that I can almost see the fault is in her who's subconscioun befriends and entices the same sort of males.
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Posted 3/3/15
There have already been a million other threads about this, but I want to contribute my two cents anyway.

Males and females have different ideas of what "friendship" is. Girls connect emotionally, guys bond with their friends through activities. It's not really being "friendzoned" or "girlfriendzoned" in my opinion, but both parties having different ideas of what a friendship is. It can lead to misunderstandings when a guy doesn't realize that a girl treats him like she treats all of her other female friends, and when the girl doesn't realize that he only opens up emotionally to his girlfriends.

I think male-female friendships are healthy and should be encouraged at a young age so both parties can understand each other and avoid conflict like this.
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15
Yeah I don't know. All those dudes that were written about in the tumblr page, were all selfish <.< But I can see why this friendzone thing exists. It's mostly because guys see all girls as potential girlfriends(sex, reproductions etc.), whereas girls see the guys as tools (Protection, reproduction, emotional buffer) I just think genetically, men are built to follow certain instincts. I've been victim of this effect more than once, though I've never said that I've been friendzoned, but just turned down.
Then there are the girls which see us as tools, NOTE: (This is not meant to be offensive<.<) Like carrying the shopping bags, providing for the family, protection etc. these traits have been the only factor the men have been good at during all the years we humans have roamed the planet, but today it's getting less and less needed, women started having really good jobs (no more providing) you can buy protection gear against unwanted assaulters, so they feel more safe around these things.

I think the problem is, that we men and women have changed roles, which might not be a bad idea, but it leaves a big question mark over what the man is needed for to this day and age <.<

Friendzone is BS, but it's true that if you really love someone and she or he wants to be friends with you instead, it really hurts even if you still want to be close to that person, you cannot move on if you do that. I would like to be friends with girls and guys equally, but I find it difficult because of this, but that's why I love making friends on the web, on forums such as CR. You don't know the the real life person, whether it's a girl or a guy, it doesn't matter cause you don't have that connection to the person. Then if you add them on facebook or something, that's when things start to drift off into another direction, cause you now are closer to that person and know what they look like etc.

ugh, I dunno, this is just how it's been for me I really want to think that girls can be my friends, but somehow I always go back to the idea that they "could" be my girlfriend if I did something to trigger the "flag" Which is why I hate this male mind! fml!
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