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Post Reply Friendzone? You should read this.
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13 / F / California
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

ReikaMichiko wrote:

Im gonna drop this here because im CONSTANTLY reading the annoying prattle of people complaining about friendzones. I think its about time people hear the OTHER side of the story:

http://wendycorduroy.tumblr.com/post/56412126932/thoughts-on-the-friendzone


How the fuck do you read that shit?

I mean it's like compressed red on black text.

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Posted 3/3/15

VZ68 wrote:


ReikaMichiko wrote:

Im gonna drop this here because im CONSTANTLY reading the annoying prattle of people complaining about friendzones. I think its about time people hear the OTHER side of the story:

http://wendycorduroy.tumblr.com/post/56412126932/thoughts-on-the-friendzone


How the fuck do you read that shit?

I mean it's like compressed red on black text.



Best combination xD I had to focus like 132% to read that shit
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48 / M / New England, USA
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 5/23/15

ReikaMichiko wrote:

Im gonna drop this here because im CONSTANTLY reading the annoying prattle of people complaining about friendzones. I think its about time people hear the OTHER side of the story:

http://wendycorduroy.tumblr.com/post/56412126932/thoughts-on-the-friendzone


While the article is a good read it just manages to do exactly what you infer bothers you; it just tells one side of the story. This tells one side of the story giving no thought to what the boys were actually feeling at the time. She "assumes" they all used fake friendship to get into her pants or "girlfriendize" her. She must be one hell of a psychic to read the mind of all these guys. She wants these guys to respect her feelings but gives no indication she respected thiers in any way. Did she try talking to them? Try listening to anything they had to say in order to lessen the wounds they felt? Guys try not to show how wounded they can be. Unless confronted and talk to they'll let things eat them up from the inside before they just can't take anymore.

The first time I found myself in this position involved a girl I met in kindergarten. She and I were best friends; inseparable. She and I could read each others thoughts due to liking all the same things and feeling the same about almost everything. One day around 4th or 5th grade I saw her taking care of kids (babysitting) for the first time and realized my feelings for her were changing. It took 2 years for me to get up the nerve to tell her how I felt. She told me she didn't feel the same way. I sucked it up and stayed friends with her because I couldn't picture life without her in it.

Around 7th grade she found out she was going to be moving away. She and I spent practically every waking moment of every day together. Somewhere along the way, near the end, she kissed me, started holding my hand, told me she didn't want to go. She left telling me once she got her license or I got mine we'd be able to be together. Well, she did return...with her new boyfriend...to introduce him to her "best friend". She never once considered exactly how things were left. They spent the whole time hanging over each other, making out with me in the room as if it was nothing. The next time she dropped around I wasn't home...and the next...and the next. I met up with her after that and she told me how mad she was that I destroyed our friendship those last few years. I said "whatever" and sucked it up as if it was nothing despite being torn up inside.

There are indeed two sides to every story but no two stories are exactly the same so you can't choose which two to mix and match.
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42 / M / A Mile High
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 5/23/15
I think it is emotionally selfish for anyone, man or woman, to expect someone they just rejected romantically to continue a friendship completely unchanged. Even the slightest bit of compassion would allow you to understand that the rejected party is experiencing some level of pain, and for some it may simply be too much for them to continue with friendship.

Does this justify some guys throwing a pity party, or lashing out at the woman? No fucking way. Here is a little clue; if the first thing out of your mouth when a girl says she isn't into you is to call her a bitch and complain that nice guys like you never get the girl. You aren't a nice guy. Not even close.
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

MakotoKamui wrote:



Well said. I think it applies even with people you have been in a relationship with. I knew someone for a long time, and we did end up getting in a serious relationship together (even got engaged!), but eventually broke things off. That was the right decision.. but neither of us wanted to lose that friendship, either. I wasn't friendzoned - I managed to keep my friend after a breakup.

Thanks and I tend to agree, but regarding former couples, that can sometimes be a lot harder. It really all depends on how/why the romantic relationship ends. If infidelity is involved, that friendship may not be able repaired based on that breach in trust. If it's a long distance relationship which ended due to the distance, ending the romantic relationship may end the friendship for the same reasons. If there were personality issues which caused the relationship to end, those too would remain in a friendship and may lead to similar issues. As I said, it all depends on how/why the romantic relationship ended, you know? Having a long term friend, dating, then ending the relationship but retaining the friendship I think falls into a different category that is not the norm, at least in my experience.

But, what do I know. I haven't been single in nearly 10 years!
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25 / M / 30.4894° N, 86.54...
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

Suplex-Samurai wrote:

This kind of stuff bugs me a little.

I appreciate that this is pretty tragic how you keep befriending such shallow people and those guys were clearly unkind, however for your age group at the time that's not totally surprising. I'm sorry to say this, however the way you have worded some of this has come across as quite one sided & biased. How you speak of Guys in a whole, it felt like you were insinuating the vast majority would do the same in a heartbeat and our insensitive & cold.

That's just the kind of vibe that was coming across as I read it, it could just be me, but it bugged me a little..
on the plus side it seems as though you've found someone you really like & are happy to just be at there side, together or not. So I hope it works out well for you, but I don't think it's right to think of all men as shallow if that's the case, some are nice however I'll be the 1st to admit some can be asses.


This. ^

And who calls themselves a "nice guy"? Let those you interact with deduce that. Always telling everyone how great you are just means that you're the only one who think so...

I'll share a secret: A guy cannot really become best friends with a girl; the guy is wired (subconsciously at least) to view the girl as his mate (not Aussie lingo). So by the time you've become really intimate with someone, and depending on their sex, you're either lovers or brothers. Unless you're denied and have the dignity to accept it and respect the other person for their decision. (There are exceptions, but this is a general rule)

Love is putting another's needs/happiness above that of your own; valuing self less than you normally do. If those guys reacted the way they do, it was a selfish "love." I think it's called lust. Or disrespect. Or both.

Edit: Wear your sunglasses for that article
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Posted 3/3/15

mdmrn wrote:
Thanks and I tend to agree, but regarding former couples, that can sometimes be a lot harder. It really all depends on how/why the romantic relationship ends. If infidelity is involved, that friendship may not be able repaired based on that breach in trust. If it's a long distance relationship which ended due to the distance, ending the romantic relationship may end the friendship for the same reasons. If there were personality issues which caused the relationship to end, those too would remain in a friendship and may lead to similar issues. As I said, it all depends on how/why the romantic relationship ended, you know? Having a long term friend, dating, then ending the relationship but retaining the friendship I think falls into a different category that is not the norm, at least in my experience.

But, what do I know. I haven't been single in nearly 10 years!

I agree with most of these points except in terms of personality differences. True, the differences are still there after the romantic relationship has ended.. however, living with someone is far different from merely being friends with someone. I imagine everyone has at least a few friends who they enjoy spending time with in small doses, but wouldn't be able to tolerate being around almost constantly.

I suspect such cases of the friendship failing to recover are primarily due to lingering resentment from the breakup itself rather than just the personality differences that came to light only after they started cohabitating.
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Posted 3/3/15
LOL another thread about the friendzone
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39 / Inside your compu...
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15

UnComikal wrote:

This. ^

And who calls themselves a "nice guy"? Let those you interact with deduce that. Always telling everyone how great you are just means that you're the only one who think so...

I'll share a secret: A guy cannot really become best friends with a girl; the guy is wired (subconsciously at least) to view the girl as his mate (not Aussie lingo). So by the time you've become really intimate with someone, and depending on their sex, you're either lovers or brothers. Unless you're denied and have the dignity to accept it and respect the other person for their decision. (There are exceptions, but this is a general rule)

Love is putting another's needs/happiness above that of your own; valuing self less than you normally do. If those guys reacted the way they do, it was a selfish "love." I think it's called lust. Or disrespect. Or both.

Edit: Wear your sunglasses for that article


(Colored and bolded by me for emphasis) Yes! There's just not enough young people who understands that!

Also, totally agreed with the comment about being best friends with a girl. My latest "woman best friend"? It's my wife! LOL...

I also agree with the various comments in thread stating that there is no such thing as a "friendzone". This "zone" isn't something that's consciously or logically "plotted" and done- It's just a label for some kind of event or non-event.

I remember in highschool I had girls in "acquaintance zone". So is there an "acquaintance zone" that I consciously put them in? No... I wasn't hot for them, that's all (honestly, this is what it's all about) Some of the girls got upset at me, but did I blame them for being upset? No, because it's just what happens. People liking or not liking each other "in that way" is just the way it goes. No amount of complaining, writing about it on various forums or whatever is gonna change it.
Posted 3/3/15

forkberry wrote:

Big Brother zone is best zone.


Fixed.
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Posted 3/3/15
Friendzone this zone that zone, who cares zone? Ive been single forever and will continue to do so, if a girl doesnt like me more than a friend so be it, if i like her more as a friend and she doesnt? cut off all ties and feelings so that way i dont get hurt. if she asks for help and advice i will do so but dont take advantage of that. Single life for the win!
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21 / M / USA
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15
I don't need to read about something that doesn't exist. If I grow feelings for a friend, she is not obligated to like me back. It's ok to be upset about unrequited love, but you can't blame it on an imaginary zone. Just move on.





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Posted 3/3/15

UnComikal wrote:


Suplex-Samurai wrote:

This kind of stuff bugs me a little.

I appreciate that this is pretty tragic how you keep befriending such shallow people and those guys were clearly unkind, however for your age group at the time that's not totally surprising. I'm sorry to say this, however the way you have worded some of this has come across as quite one sided & biased. How you speak of Guys in a whole, it felt like you were insinuating the vast majority would do the same in a heartbeat and our insensitive & cold.

That's just the kind of vibe that was coming across as I read it, it could just be me, but it bugged me a little..
on the plus side it seems as though you've found someone you really like & are happy to just be at there side, together or not. So I hope it works out well for you, but I don't think it's right to think of all men as shallow if that's the case, some are nice however I'll be the 1st to admit some can be asses.


This. ^

And who calls themselves a "nice guy"? Let those you interact with deduce that. Always telling everyone how great you are just means that you're the only one who think so...

I'll share a secret: A guy cannot really become best friends with a girl; the guy is wired (subconsciously at least) to view the girl as his mate (not Aussie lingo). So by the time you've become really intimate with someone, and depending on their sex, you're either lovers or brothers. Unless you're denied and have the dignity to accept it and respect the other person for their decision. (There are exceptions, but this is a general rule)

Love is putting another's needs/happiness above that of your own; valuing self less than you normally do. If those guys reacted the way they do, it was a selfish "love." I think it's called lust. Or disrespect. Or both.

Edit: Wear your sunglasses for that article


Bullshit. Most of my friends are women. I don't want them for anything else. Mainly cause they're either not my type or batshit crazy...

Granted, there's been a few cases over the years of unrequited love with me either the recipient or the giver, but it's not saying I'm hardwired for it. (or anything really).
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17 / F / In your house or...
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Posted 3/3/15

-mockingbird wrote:

another friendzone thread

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Exactly what i think
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29 / F / Chicagoland ~
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Posted 3/3/15 , edited 3/3/15
As much as I absolutely hate people bitching about the friendzone and having lost a few people who I thought were friends that were apparently not (one that was drama that even included internet stalking and shitty messages to the extreme on sites I hadn't even known he knew I was on to the tone of 'I'm so much better without you!' and 'You're such a shitty person that -I- was able to learn from that' and 'I'm never making the same mistake again!' - only paragraphs of the shit every time), etc etc etc... I clicked that link and was ready to pass it on but it started out when the girl was HOW YOUNG? Really now. That's fuckin Tumblr in its' finest. After I read two paragraphs, I was done.

Seriously if you're going to post about this stuff post something better.
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