Feedback on project.
Posted 4/1/15 , edited 4/1/15
Lately I've been trying my hand at poetry. I don't really have a talent for this kind of thing, so I was looking for feedback on something I've started in hopes to better understand and to do better work on poetry in general. I'd really appreciate any constructive criticism anyone would have!

Here is the poem:

I’ve fallen ill.

This is not a bad kind of sickness I tell myself.
It’s almost kind of pleasant.
This feeling is ephemeral, I’m sure.

the fever loosens its hold once you vacate my thoughts;
This insistent pounding of my heart calms when you’ve left.
Though there is a turning within my stomach,
I am pleased.

There is no aggravation at my disease.
For despite the dissociating sensation,
you cause a smile upon my lips when you are near.

Thank-you in advance to anyone who comments!
3122 cr points
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Posted 4/1/15 , edited 4/1/15
It's Cool i like it but at the beginning you should say I've fallen ill cause I'm on this next Level (bleep) that you'll never reach. Blahahaha lol
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Vista, CA
Posted 4/13/15 , edited 4/14/15
I'm not sure if you have made any changes to it since but I liked your work.
Oh that last part was what really got me, haha
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F / Boston-ish
Posted 8/20/16 , edited 8/20/16
Closed because OP nuked.
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