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Post Reply The Girl From Before
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 2/4/08
Theres a way to look at life and a way to live it
theres a way to say thanks and a way give it
i read this one day on the way to the bus stop
and then i looked up and i can feel my heart drop
there she was standin there just like before
and all of a sudden the memories came back to me once more
i thought she moved away and id never see her again
but there she was standin with her best friend

it was like i couldnt breathe my friend said wats wrong
i said im cool well miss the bus if we take to long
so after school im in my bed lookin at the wall
at a picture of me and her and i can hear her call my name in my head so i think im goin crazy
then someone said its true love for ya baby
so now i cant sleep cause im thinkin about her
mostly thinkin about wat im gona do with out her
so at the next day of school im feeling so down
then i lift my head and start looking around
so as im sitting there watching the kids walk by
she walks up behind me touches my shoulder and says hi.



yes there is more but i want to see what you think about this first
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 2/11/08
im sure i have to name this one and the second one the same but im still not sure . its driving me crazy any sugestions
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Posted 2/16/08
I do like this but a poet doesn't spell what as "wat" or you as "ya" but thats ok you will get the hang of it so don't feel bad.
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 2/18/08
ahh if you could read all my poetry you would realize my grammar changes based on the genre. if its sad i tend to be more focused on getting it out rather than making it look good and vice versa

glad you like it
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Posted 4/14/08

Takumoto wrote:

Theres a way to look at life and a way to live it
theres a way to say thanks and a way give it
i read this one day on the way to the bus stop
and then i looked up and i can feel my heart drop
there she was standin there just like before
and all of a sudden the memories came back to me once more
i thought she moved away and id never see her again
but there she was standin with her best friend

it was like i couldnt breathe my friend said wats wrong
i said im cool well miss the bus if we take to long
so after school im in my bed lookin at the wall
at a picture of me and her and i can hear her call my name in my head so i think im goin crazy
then someone said its true love for ya baby
so now i cant sleep cause im thinkin about her
mostly thinkin about wat im gona do with out her
so at the next day of school im feeling so down
then i lift my head and start looking around
so as im sitting there watching the kids walk by
she walks up behind me touches my shoulder and says hi.



yes there is more but i want to see what you think about this first


aw.. that's so cute :3 i luv the last line. it really ties it all up...

unless its just me. XP i'm a sucker fer these kinds of poems so awsum job! ^^
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 4/14/08
thanks glad you liked it
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24 / M / koko de... matte...
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Posted 4/15/08
i think the name for this poem is "hopes and chances".... i think it fits.... i dunno about you but i think this is good enough
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28 / M / California, US
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Posted 4/23/08
I find the poem really nice, but those spelling of words was hard to read a bit still i got the whole point and description and its nice.
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25 / F / in my world
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Posted 5/7/08
i got one i got one...how about "The girl from before"...tell me wat u thnk
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 5/7/08
i love that it works great thx
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28 / F / Here and there
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Posted 5/8/08
First off, when it comes to the spelling and grammar, no worries. In all technicallity there is no true way to write a poem. Rap for example, tends to have almost nothing but slang. For those that may not know, Rap stands for Rythm and Poetry. Now for a title I'd personally suggest something along the lines of what egg45 suggested. It does seem quite fitting for this particular poem.
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 5/9/08
thanx
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26 / M / Hopefully in the...
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Posted 5/10/08
it was a very good poem =] hope to see the second part soon
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1977 cr points
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24 / M / Tulsa Ok
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Posted 5/10/08

azndisaster wrote:

it was a very good poem =] hope to see the second part soon


i already posted it. its back on page two i think
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