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You ever been this messed up
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Posted 4/16/15

Shrapnel893 wrote:

No.

Speaking of you, is your life better now?


I still feel like a different person in some ways... I think my IQ is a little lower and I'm not as intelligent as before.

But I still feel somewhat normal now
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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:

I still feel like a different person in some ways... I think my IQ is a little lower and I'm not as intelligent as before.

But I still feel somewhat normal now


That's good, I suppose... Depends on your definition of normal, though.

Don't worry about your IQ—it's bullshit anyway. It doesn't mean anything. As for your intelligence... I dunno... how unintelligent were you before compared to now?
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Posted 4/16/15

Shrapnel893 wrote:


silversongwriter wrote:

I still feel like a different person in some ways... I think my IQ is a little lower and I'm not as intelligent as before.

But I still feel somewhat normal now


That's good, I suppose... Depends on your definition of normal, though.

Don't worry about your IQ—it's bullshit anyway. It doesn't mean anything. As for your intelligence... I dunno... how unintelligent were you before compared to now?


Well... I used to make straight A's... not anymore
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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:


crunchynaruto321 wrote:

Why would you do that? People these day. smh

And can you please link the videos?


I tried, but for some reason, the links wouldn't work

[url*]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMZv2bJKnY[/url*]
taking out * = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMZv2bJKnY


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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:


Well... I used to make straight A's... not anymore


Straight A's don't mean anything either. They look pretty on paper and that's about it.
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Posted 4/16/15 , edited 4/16/15

crunchynaruto321 wrote:


silversongwriter wrote:


crunchynaruto321 wrote:

Why would you do that? People these day. smh

And can you please link the videos?


I tried, but for some reason, the links wouldn't work

[url*]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMZv2bJKnY[/url*]
taking out * = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMZv2bJKnY





That one worked but the other ones just reset the page
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Posted 4/16/15

Shrapnel893 wrote:


silversongwriter wrote:


Well... I used to make straight A's... not anymore


Straight A's don't mean anything either. They look pretty on paper and that's about it.


I also have a bad memory. I need to be told things 2 or 3 times in some cases.
I don't remember 90% of my childhood. I'm glad though... I remember at some point I got into drugs to forget something, but I've forgotten what it was...
And I'm happy, whatever my problem was, I'm glad I don't remember it
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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:

And I'm happy, whatever my problem was, I'm glad I don't remember it


As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters.
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Posted 4/16/15

Shrapnel893 wrote:


silversongwriter wrote:

And I'm happy, whatever my problem was, I'm glad I don't remember it


As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters.


I am.. and I hate it when my mom talks about me as a kid... I don't think my anger and depression were a result of something happening to me, but something that I did and felt guilty for.

I don't know why, but I hate the person I was as a kid. I can't remember why, but I wanna drop kick my 5 yr old self. And I hate it when my mom talks about stuff from when I was a kid. When she does, I just try to think about something else, so I don't jog my memory
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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sMZv2bJKnY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpvqdIXcAyw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAJmIrqc2r0

I know EXACTLY how these people feel. I know what it's like to be in such a state of mind

http://spiceaddictionsupport.org/side-effects-of-spice-use/
you see all that shit listed in here... I know what all of it feels like. Often times I felt like I had contacted other being telepathically. I one time saw some green reptilian creature in a robe. It wasn't a literal image, but an outline of somethign in a network of lights and colors, like an after burn from looking at a bright light. The paranoia was high, I thought it was some kind of god. I saw many colors and things. I saw images of the grim reaper when I closed my eyes. Other times it would be like being in my own world. I'd close my eyes, and images, colors and lights would be everywhere. If I focused on an image I could see it in my mind. It would all blend in with music, like one of those music visualation thingies on Xbox or on Windows Media Player on something... I just saw visions with my eyes clothes, adn colors and lights with them open. But the colors and light formed things. My mind was disconnected from my body and it was like I was someone else. It was like I wasn't here but was somewhere. Sometimes I'd laugh, or scream uncontrollably, and make animal noises. I spoke in tongues basically and howled like a wolf. Once on Amanita muscaria, I tripped so hard I was convinced ghosts from the future were coming to get me
I'd been fucked up on that stuff for like a whole year, spending 1000s of dollars on it. I almost had a seizure a few times and once passed out and woke up somewhere else.
Couple that with alcoholism and withdrawals, and depression and stress from a girl in high school rejecting me... and the fact that I had no friends at the time and felt isolated.


Here's some long-winded attempt at chunching with you. I've never messed with hard drugs because of the college party scene and being fantastically annoyed by the people who are on them, and disgusted with friends who liked to pick on these people like the second video.

Because of some shit that went down in Kindergarten I have been depressed and anxious beyond reconciliation, as bad as I am at reconciliation. Because of a couple girls after high school, Neil Young plays in my head when I'm drinking. And because of a girl from like a year ago now I have been wildly sleep deprived.

Normally I'm a very composed drunk, but a recent bender coupled with not enough sleep has had me falling down a lot lately. Within the last week I've broken a tv and my acoustic guitar by falling directly into them, which is unusual and concerning me. Nobody but me is upset about it, but I'm still really angry with myself over both things because I have always been very good at not causing trouble when I'm drunk, and I'm a more-or-less entirely guilt-driven person.

A big part of the problem is my friends and housemates like to drink too, so I'll be drunk and happy, ready to sleep and suddenly everybody's ready to get rowdy, and I'm dumb enough to say "I'm an idiot, but I like hanging out with you guys, I'll buy the second pitcher!" (We are within walking (parenthesis inside of parenthesis stumbling) distance of four bars. Hell, we are within spitting distance of two). I'm most annoyed with how it's affecting my work situation, but I also now have another lifetime of guilt to live down to my mom over breaking the guitar she gave me. It was such a pretty guitar, and it's not like I can just give my TV to her for it, it's not mine anymore.

Guess that means I'm getting a haircut. Depression and anxiety are mean, and in the end I don't care if alcohol is killing me because somehow the world is so much brighter and more fun when I've got a massive hangover to live through. It's like "all I can feel is the pain that I've made for myself, everything else is no big deal and I'm ready to tackle it! And yeah, I'm hungover, what's your excuse?" It's not a good long-term plan, I'll admit, but a dude's gotta live through shit.

A bottle of wine a day keeps the suicidal tendencies away. Which is also interesting, because it used to take half a bottle of liquor, and as evidenced by the time, there is no way I was buying a bottle of liquor and consistently only drinking half of it. I think I'm growing up, but don't take my word for it, I'm a drunk, and I haven't been sober in like a year now. And last night was great, me and two of my housemates dressed up and went out to play darts. I wore a trucker hat that says "Personal Best!" on it. One of my housemates took to saying "Hey, bro" to every girl that walked by. God, I hate that bar, but darts is pretty fun.

That was all a lot of fun to share, thanks opening yourself first. Catharsis is key.
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Posted 4/16/15

morechunch wrote:

Here's some long-winded attempt at chunching with you. I've never messed with hard drugs because of the college party scene and being fantastically annoyed by the people who are on them, and disgusted with friends who liked to pick on these people like the second video.

Because of some shit that went down in Kindergarten I have been depressed and anxious beyond reconciliation, as bad as I am at reconciliation. Because of a couple girls after high school, Neil Young plays in my head when I'm drinking. And because of a girl from like a year ago now I have been wildly sleep deprived.

Normally I'm a very composed drunk, but a recent bender coupled with not enough sleep has had me falling down a lot lately. Within the last week I've broken a tv and my acoustic guitar by falling directly into them, which is unusual and concerning me. Nobody but me is upset about it, but I'm still really angry with myself over both things because I have always been very good at not causing trouble when I'm drunk, and I'm a more-or-less entirely guilt-driven person.

A big part of the problem is my friends and housemates like to drink too, so I'll be drunk and happy, ready to sleep and suddenly everybody's ready to get rowdy, and I'm dumb enough to say "I'm an idiot, but I like hanging out with you guys, I'll buy the second pitcher!" (We are within walking (parenthesis inside of parenthesis stumbling) distance of four bars. Hell, we are within spitting distance of two). I'm most annoyed with how it's affecting my work situation, but I also now have another lifetime of guilt to live down to my mom over breaking the guitar she gave me. It was such a pretty guitar, and it's not like I can just give my TV to her for it, it's not mine anymore.

Guess that means I'm getting a haircut. Depression and anxiety are mean, and in the end I don't care if alcohol is killing me because somehow the world is so much brighter and more fun when I've got a massive hangover to live through. It's like "all I can feel is the pain that I've made for myself, everything else is no big deal and I'm ready to tackle it! And yeah, I'm hungover, what's your excuse?" It's not a good long-term plan, I'll admit, but a dude's gotta live through shit.

A bottle of wine a day keeps the suicidal tendencies away. Which is also interesting, because it used to take half a bottle of liquor, and as evidenced by the time, there is no way I was buying a bottle of liquor and consistently only drinking half of it. I think I'm growing up, but don't take my word for it, I'm a drunk, and I haven't been sober in like a year now. And last night was great, me and two of my housemates dressed up and went out to play darts. I wore a trucker hat that says "Personal Best!" on it. One of my housemates took to saying "Hey, bro" to every girl that walked by. God, I hate that bar, but darts is pretty fun.

That was all a lot of fun to share, thanks opening yourself first. Catharsis is key.


I relate to all of what you're saying. I understand.

I would probably still drink like that, if it weren't for the fact I can get weed
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Posted 4/16/15

silversongwriter wrote:

I relate to all of what you're saying. I understand.

I would probably still drink like that, if it weren't for the fact I can get weed


I gave up on weed recently. I get bizarro stoned, if I smoke, for the next two hours I can't say a word, I lose my appetite entirely, and I can't fall asleep. Which is great if I'm going to house parties, but I gave up on those a long time ago.
Posted 4/16/15 , edited 4/16/15
I have no sympathy for anyone that willingly gets stoned.
At least as far as the regrets are concerned. I will probably have sympathy if the had a misadventure some other time for a completely unrelated incident.
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Posted 4/16/15 , edited 4/16/15

morechunch wrote:javascript:void(0)


silversongwriter wrote:

I relate to all of what you're saying. I understand.

I would probably still drink like that, if it weren't for the fact I can get weed


I gave up on weed recently. I get bizarro stoned, if I smoke, for the next two hours I can't say a word, I lose my appetite entirely, and I can't fall asleep. Which is great if I'm going to house parties, but I gave up on those a long time ago.


Bizarro was some strong shit

I used to get so much of this, before I switched to weed
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Posted 4/16/15
I drank too much whiskey once when I was upset, I learned my lesson the next day. I've never tried anything more than that, I've seen people close to me go downhill from messing with all sorts of drugs. I drink on occasion and I've learned my lesson on knowing when I've had enough. The only thing I'm sort of worried about is that my tolerance for alcohol has gone up a lot over the years.
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