First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Post Reply Bad but funny jokes
1334 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
16 / M / United Kingdom
Offline
Posted 5/15/15

ayesharocks wrote:

What did the blanket say after it fell off the bed? Oh sheet. What do you call a sleeping bull? A "Bull-Dozer"!


Hahhaa I've never heard those ones
24560 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
33 / M / Baltimore, MD
Offline
Posted 5/16/15
What's brown & sounds like a bell?


DUNG!
Posted 5/16/15 , edited 5/16/15
1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

Posted 5/16/15 , edited 5/16/15
17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

23. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

24. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

25. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

26. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

27. What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

28. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

29. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

30. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

31. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

32. Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

33. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

34. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

36. Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

37. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

38. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

39. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

40. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

41. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

42. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

43. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

44. Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

45. I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

46. You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

47. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

48. Dry erase boards are remarkable.

49. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

50. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2013/09/50-terrible-quick-jokes-thatll-get-you-a-laugh-on-demand/
454 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / Winter Springs, F...
Offline
Posted 5/16/15
When I first saw this thread, I was thinking of "bad but funny" jokes in the crude and tasteless sort of manner (think anti-joke chicken).
Well, here it goes:

What boyfriend would Taylor Swift never leave?
9551 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M
Offline
Posted 5/16/15

Sarah_Blight wrote:

1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.


10/10
993 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M
Offline
Posted 5/16/15
What went through the mind of the astronauts during the Challenger disaster?
42646 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
60 / M / Earth
Offline
Posted 5/16/15
What's a plumber's favorite shoes? Clogs.
Why are elephants wrinkled? Have you ever tried to iron one?
How do you make an squid laugh? Give it ten-tickles.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer
What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta
Two antennas got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception was great.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says: OK, but don't start anything.
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
9127 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 5/16/15
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
55520 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / 風の山
Offline
Posted 5/17/15
a whale walked in the bar and said, *obnoxious noise till tired* *keep waling until someone laughs*

only works when people are ready to laught though.
24257 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 5/17/15
Your mother's crabs are so bad I rode in to work on them.
2352 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
15 / F / A state of content
Offline
Posted 5/17/15 , edited 5/17/15
How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Po-po-po-poke her face!
What do you call a man with no limbs who's playing in leaves? Russell
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything
I'm so sorry for this last one!
Why did Simba's father die? Because he couldn't Mufasa

3012 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / Birmingham, Unite...
Offline
Posted 5/17/15 , edited 5/17/15
So many great puns here. I'd like to share some, if I had any good ones.... The only thing I've got is some jokes about uneployed people, unfortunately none of them work...
4033 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M
Offline
Posted 5/17/15
what'd the duck say when it bought lipstick?




Answer: Put it on my bill..
Posted 5/17/15
want to hear a joke about coffee?

What did Hitler say when given his coffee?
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.