Post Reply Through the Mirror - Original Fiction
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 5/29/15



I recently began writing a series of micro-short stories tied together under the umbrella of "Through the Mirror." The Table of Contents of them at my website is here. Below is the first of the series of stories. Click the link above to read the other parts in the saga. I'll be trying to post up a new story of our hero Frank Benjamin every week or so.

__________________________________________________________

Killing myself doesn’t get any easier.

“Please, don’t do this,” he says, “Jim, I’ve got kids, a family.”

“I know,” I tell him, “I’m you – I know exactly what you have – and the fact that you exist means I don’t have mine.”

I fire a gunshot into his forehead and he crumbles into dust in front of me. Another me, another universe. On to the next one.

__________________________________________________________

About five years ago, I woke up alone in an field. I looked over and saw myself sitting on a park bench. I…or…he was talking to a woman who was not my wife. Then they kissed. I didn’t understand anything that was going on. I ran over to him and smacked him. “What are you doing? Where is your wife?” I cried.

He said, “This is my wife.”

I looked at the woman who was clearly not my wife and I ran. I ran for what felt like hours until I could run no more. I was lost without my wife and children. Lost without my life. Where was I. That was when he approached me.

“Hello,” the robed figure said.

“Hello.”

“You may wonder what happened.”

“Yes, clearly I do.”

“Let me explain. You walked through the mirror into another realm. There are hundreds of these dimensions and you are the key to their existence.”

“Come again?” What was this man saying.

He pulled back his robe to reveal his face. He was some kind of blue skinned, bald headed being glowing with a fluorescent light. “There is a vast multiverse of false dimensions which exist. You are the key to their existence. To return to your home, you must end the existence of the others. You must kill yourself in each of these realms.”

“What?”

“You must die to allow you to eventually return to the real world.”

That’s impossible, I thought. “It’s possible,” He said.

I needed to unpack this. I walked back to where I had seen myself. There I was just sitting there having a picnic with a woman who was clearly not my real life. This is not real, I told myself. This is a figment, a fake dimension, I kept thinking. I walked over to him and grabbed myself by the shirt. I punched him in the face.

He fell backward. I was not very good at this as he slugged me in the jaw. Man that hurt, I thought. Police saw the skirmish as my “wife” ran over to tell them. I needed to do this quickly. I punched him in the nose twice, the second time forcefully up. My hand was sore as he dropped. My hand was covered in blood and when he hit the ground, he turned to dust. He just vanished.

As did I.

__________________________________________________________

I found myself in a big city. Not sure which one. Looks like I’ll have to track down and kill myself, again. My hand and jaw were still throbbing. This was not going to be easy. This was not going to be fun. But she was worth it. My kids were worth it. If I have to kill myself a million times, I will find my way back to her. I promised myself that.

__________________________________________________________
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23 / M / California, Unite...
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Posted 5/31/15
Pretty cool! I had an idea like this as well!

Cool concept! ON the surface people are seeing the character "kill himself", but really he's being born again. Finding out more about himself with every Suicide? Murder?(Ha!)

Gonna be interesting how the story pans out in the long run! Keep at it!
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 5/31/15

e_aldana wrote:

Pretty cool! I had an idea like this as well!

Cool concept! ON the surface people are seeing the character "kill himself", but really he's being born again. Finding out more about himself with every Suicide? Murder?(Ha!)

Gonna be interesting how the story pans out in the long run! Keep at it!

Thanks. I'm 3 parts into the story so far. Already have the ending planned out - just need to come up with a number of random encounters with alternate versions of himself before I get there.
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 6/5/15
The newest chapter of the story Through the Mirror is posted at my blog. Check it out and let me know what you think.
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 6/15/15
Newest chapter posted on my website. I'll repost here to see who might be interested:

“Passes please,” said the body guard.

I wave my passes to the guard and he lets me into this huge back room behind the stage. I got the back stage passes to the Benjamin Brothers show to get close to this alternate version of me. This was…more than I expected.

“WOOOOOOO!” I hear an assortment of girls scream. They’re all jumping at the opportunity to get close to me and my brother in this alternate dimension. In this world, we’re Grammy award winning recording artists. And after they wave off their body guards, I see they’re also drug addicts.

My brother busts out a bag of cocaine and sets up lines of it on the table. Him and the alternate version of I lean in to snort the lines. I look at me and say, “You’re not a cop are you?”

“Nope.”

“Good. Welcome back stage.” Alternate rock star me walks over to me and puts his hand on my shoulders. I see these young women. Most of them can’t be older than 21, many of them are younger and I see them walk over to my brother. They start rubbing their hands and body all over his. Clothes begin to come off quickly with him and the four women on him. Girls, I should say. They are girls, not women. So young. He points to the girls, “Take your pick, bro. The night is young.”

“And so are they,” I quip.

“Yes,” the other me smirks, “Yes they are.” He leans in and whispers, “They’re all legal, dude, so it’s all good.” He pats my back and walks over to a group of girls huddled around where he was sitting. Two of the girls start to kiss his neck while others are rubbing his pants. I can’t watch this, I think to myself, I can’t be back here in all this debauchery. It needs to end now.

I call the alternate me over to me. He asks the girls to get undressed while he walks over. They already had his pants off. He doesn’t seem to care as he walks over to me. “What is it, dude? You’re blocking me from my bliss, bro?”

“I’m sorry, I just – meeting you for the first time I had something I wanted to show you.” I reach into my shirt.

“What are you pulling out, bro?” This version of me is already ridiculously stoned. He probably did coke before the show too. Blood is dripping out his nose, he wipes it away quick.

I pull out my pistol and put it on his forehead.

“Trippy,” he says. Last words he says as I pull the trigger.

As he fades to dust I seriously wonder, is this what would have happened to me if I had fame and fortune? I’m glad I’m just a middle class factory worker, I think to myself as I fade out of this world.
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Posted 6/19/15
Newest chapter posted on my website. I'll repost here:

SLAP.

“Who sent you?” he yells at me.

This is new, I think to myself, I hadn’t had one of these alternate versions of me tie me up and interrogate me.

“No one sent me,” I reply calmly, “I’m here of my own accord.” He slaps me again across the face. I’m sitting here tied to a chair. He took me by surprise when I tried sneaking into his house. He gagged me and tied me up. There were cameras everywhere, it seemed. He was definitely into something…shady, just not sure what. Great, I thought, another criminal version of me.

He smirked. “Oh really? No one sent you into my home to kill me? What with the weapons and everything? And the fact that there are numerous organizations which want my head on a platter, really?” He gave a menacing smile and punched me in the gut.

He walked over to cabinet nearby. He had shined a pretty bright light in my eyes so it was tough to see around me, but whatever he was going for I’m sure was unpleasant.

“You know, you could have had me if you had tried just a bit harder at being quiet.” He was right. I had gotten a bit lazy, past few dimensions were easy marks. This one, was a lot harder. This one, was a lot more dangerous.

He walked back into my view and brought out a large kitchen knife. Something you would use on poultry to remove legs from the main bird. Something very sharp. It’s blade twinkled in the light, some of its reflection kept getting right in my eyes. “Beautiful, isn’t it? I got it a few years back. Sharpest one they sell on the market.”

He had some kind of bone in his other hand. He then proceeded to slice through the bone with the knife. “Of course, I had it made sharper. Needed something a little more…useful for my purposes.” There came back the smirk. I only got that smirk when I was proven right in an argument or finally found something I had been looking for. It was a satisfactory grin. He was going to enjoy whatever he was going to do to me.

I really had no idea what he was going to do to me. That’s when I heard it. He did not appear to, he was too busy waxing poetic about how scary he was. Footsteps. Someone else was in the room. They were maneuvering themselves behind me. I could not see them and, frankly, was afraid of what I saw more than what I heard. If this person was out to get me, I’d be done already. I don’t think the sneaky person is here for me.

I jumped from my focus on the visitor when he brought the knife to my cheek, “Are you scared yet? You should be,” he shouted in my face. His knife barely pressed against my skin, but it stung like crazy and I could feel the warmth of blood as it trickled down my face.

He stepped back, proud of his work. Man, this evil version of me sure is arrogant. That will be his downfall, I thought to myself.

“You are my canvas and your body will serve as a sign to whomever sent you that you do not mess with the bull. You do not mess with el Capitan.” He leaned in close to me, “You do not mess with me.” He then head butted me. My nose was now bleeding and my forehead was incredibly sore.

He stepped back again and gave the weirdest cackle. I was starting to hate myself.

I heard a click. Then I heard a gunshot. From the shadows behind me, right through the forehead came a bullet for this bizarre version of me. He collapsed into a pile of dust. I felt someone cut the ropes tying me to the chair me and I frantically stood up. I gathered my weapons and tried to find the one who saved me as I faded into the darkness.

Who was that?
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 6/26/15
Newest chapter posted to my site - where our main character meets a female version of himself!

Check it out here
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Posted 6/29/15
Alright, I have read all seven parts thus far.

I have a few things to say, some good and some bad, but I'll be sure to start with the good parts first.

You're attempting something that is familiar and adding your own personal touch to it, which I can respect. Rather than going the full mile and pretending that any of us can think of something that hasn't already been done, you're blending aspects of fictional genres and plot ideas together and as a result you're coming together with something that, when polished, is fun and interesting to read.

However, there are some issues.

The first one, one that seems to have been fixed but I'm going to stress it nonetheless, pick a tense and stick with it. The entire second story is written in present tense, but past tense wording slips in every so often, and it also appears that every other story is written in past tense already, so I'm not sure why you decided to change tenses.

Saying that you bust into something, again something that you say in the second story, comes off as very casual and not very intense at all. You bust into a party flashing hundred dollars bills or whatever, but when it comes to high intensity gunfights, you're bursting into a room, you are crashing into a room, you are breaking down doors, smashing things, being destructive and the word bust does not come into that at all

Another thing, title the Alternate Yous, either at least with capitalising their names, or defining them by their traits or characteristics. It gets very tiresome to continually hear, "alternate me."

Other than that, the rest of the criticisms I have come down to their individual stories and thus aren't really worth mentioning. If you're really curious about them, I can post them or Private Message you, but you seem to have a decent idea of what you're doing. Keep working on this, keeping improving and whatnot.
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Posted 6/30/15

LITVoid wrote:

Alright, I have read all seven parts thus far.

I have a few things to say, some good and some bad, but I'll be sure to start with the good parts first.

You're attempting something that is familiar and adding your own personal touch to it, which I can respect. Rather than going the full mile and pretending that any of us can think of something that hasn't already been done, you're blending aspects of fictional genres and plot ideas together and as a result you're coming together with something that, when polished, is fun and interesting to read.

However, there are some issues.

The first one, one that seems to have been fixed but I'm going to stress it nonetheless, pick a tense and stick with it. The entire second story is written in present tense, but past tense wording slips in every so often, and it also appears that every other story is written in past tense already, so I'm not sure why you decided to change tenses.

Saying that you bust into something, again something that you say in the second story, comes off as very casual and not very intense at all. You bust into a party flashing hundred dollars bills or whatever, but when it comes to high intensity gunfights, you're bursting into a room, you are crashing into a room, you are breaking down doors, smashing things, being destructive and the word bust does not come into that at all

Another thing, title the Alternate Yous, either at least with capitalising their names, or defining them by their traits or characteristics. It gets very tiresome to continually hear, "alternate me."

Other than that, the rest of the criticisms I have come down to their individual stories and thus aren't really worth mentioning. If you're really curious about them, I can post them or Private Message you, but you seem to have a decent idea of what you're doing. Keep working on this, keeping improving and whatnot.

Thanks for the recommendations. I know I've had issues in the past with tense issues, especially in that second story. Need to work on keeping it consistent.

I get what you're saying about bust - using a more action oriented word may make it more intense, especially with the way I'm trying to keep the action intense (at least in that one).

I get that it might get tedious saying "alternate me" and I can try to come up with another means of referring to them...in the end, the point is that the story is being told from a first person perspective so you're getting the confusion from a person who's telling you about...killing themselves.
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