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Post Reply How do I deal with my parents dirvorce
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18 / M
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Posted 5/31/15 , edited 5/31/15
So for the past 5 years now at the end of each school year my mom either leaves for a few weeks or moves out for most the summer and only gets back with my dad because I get mad at her. She has cheated on him a few times now, but my dad wants to forgive her and she just keeps threatening to file a divorce. I just don't know how to deal with this.....I have tried cutting because of it and I know that is really stupid....I just don't know what to do
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19 / M / Colorado
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Posted 5/31/15 , edited 5/31/15
Sounds really rough man. Sorry to hear about it. Anyways, stay away from self harm because it's not the right way to go about anything. If I were you, you should sit both of your parents down and just talk to them about how you feel about the whole situation and how it's affecting you and not just them. Hope it helps. Cheers.
Posted 5/31/15
do your homework
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Posted 5/31/15
Ahhh yes will do, thank you
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Posted 5/31/15
That sounds absolutely horrible, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. My parents got divorced when I was going into my sophomore year of high school (after being separated for a year) and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. While my situation was a bit different from yours, my dad didn't live with us for a period of time due to the fact that he worked out of state, but I'm pretty confident in my thought that he really didn't want to be with my mom, sister, and I and instead wanted to have the "freedom" to act like a bachelor and cheat on my mom. My mom's no saint either, but that's beside the point.

What you should do first is throw away anything you've been using to self-harm. That doesn't do anything. What you should do instead is have a serious discussion with your father and tell him to get a divorce or at least marriage counseling if he really thinks the marriage can be saved, but I hate to say that it seems well past that point. And tell your mom you're over her behavior and to act like an adult. After that, it's unfortunately out of your hands. I find that parents usually don't listen to their children and you've just got to be strong and soldier on. Find someone you can confide in and will comfort you when times get hard. That's something I really regret doing. I let it kind of bottle up inside of me and it hasn't done me any good. Talking it out with a best friend or mentor is extremely beneficial.

I hope this helps a little bit, and again I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Divorce is horrible and while it really hurts the parents, it really damages the children and the rest of the family as well. Stay strong.
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Posted 5/31/15 , edited 6/1/15

RuinedDruid wrote:

So for the past 5 years now at the end of each school year my mom either leaves for a few weeks or moves out for most the summer and only gets back with my dad because I get mad at her. She has cheated on him a few times now, but my dad wants to forgive her and she just keeps threatening to file a divorce. I just don't know how to deal with this.....I have tried cutting because of it and I know that is really stupid....I just don't know what to do


don't cut yourself, that's just being a puss
Posted 5/31/15

RuinedDruid wrote:

So for the past 5 years now at the end of each school year my mom either leaves for a few weeks or moves out for most the summer and only gets back with my dad because I get mad at her. She has cheated on him a few times now, but my dad wants to forgive her and she just keeps threatening to file a divorce. I just don't know how to deal with this.....I have tried cutting because of it and I know that is really stupid....I just don't know what to do


I'm so sorry, Druid San. There are some great people here as you can see who are helpful and going through something close to your situation. Parent in-fighting is so hard.
I agree with the other user about tossing out any harmful instruments. You deserve better and it will only serve to make you feel worse and possibly make you very sick physically as well.
I've come from my own dark place and so has a dear friend of mine so I'll just tell you what helped me and her and hope maybe it will give you some help; and I'll keep you in my thoughts/prayers too.

1. Not listening to people who gave me flippant answers to a serious question as they had nothing better to do.

2. finding something good that helped me through the rough patches. For me, it was reading and writing coupled with joining a community (internet or otherwise) that shared my interests and who took me seriously.

3. When all else fails, even your parents, put yourself first, by yourself. Do things you like. Let your parents argue it out because there's usually not very much you can do other than getting your heart hurt by trying to help them heal their problems. Normally there's far more on the surface than you can see, as well.

4. As in the case of one my dear friends, she said that while she dreaded the divorce, that after all was said and done, it was better to have them separated than have them fighting all the time. I'm not sure if that would be your case or not, of course; but sometimes it's better for something like that to end if no one is happy and you've done your best.
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Posted 5/31/15 , edited 5/31/15
Thanks for the advice everyone it helps to just get peoples advice. I live in a very small town the high school has 200 kids and that is high balling it. I only have 2 friends who go there that I will talk to and do stuff with after school. Its nice to hear stuff like this from others.
Posted 5/31/15

RuinedDruid wrote:

Thanks for the advice everyone it helps to just get peoples advice. I live in a very small town the high school has 200 kids and that is high balling it. I only have 2 friends who go there that I will talk to and do stuff with after school. Its nice to hear stuff like this from others.


living in a small town myself and having only a couple select people I trust and share with, I understand where you're coming from. I hope your physical friends are being there for you in this difficult time; and speaking for those taking your problem seriously, you're in our thoughts/prayers.
Don't mind the nay-sayers, ok? If you don't know what to do, PM people who seem super friendly and talk to someone until you feel better, perhaps; just be careful. The internet can be scary. That being said, some people on here are super kind and very willing to share a similar experience with you.
Perhaps put this in your profile and it might help you make some friends you can PM and talk over the similarities with when you are feeling super down. Even Guest-booking can help.
All of my best wishes to you, Druid San.
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M / PH3NF1X
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Posted 5/31/15 , edited 5/31/15
make yourself addicted to tea and coffee, when you feel weird drink one of them
also stay in school and play lots of chess
Posted 5/31/15

ExiAHesP wrote:

make yourself addicted to tea and coffee, when you feel weird drink one of them
also stay in school and play lots of chess


Also a super idea, ExiAHesP San!!!
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M / PH3NF1X
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Posted 6/1/15

weyxtra wrote:


ExiAHesP wrote:

make yourself addicted to tea and coffee, when you feel weird drink one of them
also stay in school and play lots of chess


Also a super idea, ExiAHesP San!!!


yeah bussiness!!!

ALSO
play scrabble with your friend/s
or even cluedo!

there's also this thing called books! then can be super fun to read!!!
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28 / M / UK
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Posted 6/1/15


It is really nasty having to deal with this, we have a charity in the UK called the Samaritans and you can call them up anon and just chat, I don't know if there is a similar charity States side but it's just another avenue to look at, sometimes talking to someone who will listen can help, they don't know you and won't judge you either so it's really impartial, I hope there is something like that available though.

The next thing I'd say is that if the relationship is destructive enough to make you feel this bad then perhaps you have to step back from it somehow and let your parents do what is necessary for them to move in regardless of the outcome.

Thirdly, if you're struggling just jump on here and hopefully someone will be around to lift your spirits and make you feel better, from what I have seen the CR community will look out for each other when it counts
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18 / M
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Posted 6/1/15 , edited 6/1/15

RuinedDruid wrote:

So for the past 5 years now at the end of each school year my mom either leaves for a few weeks or moves out for most the summer and only gets back with my dad because I get mad at her. She has cheated on him a few times now, but my dad wants to forgive her and she just keeps threatening to file a divorce. I just don't know how to deal with this.....I have tried cutting because of it and I know that is really stupid....I just don't know what to do


First off if you are cutting yourself or feel suicidal the first thing you should do is get help. Tell your parents, tell a friend, tell a teacher, just tell someone so you can get help.

I honestly dont know about your parents. It may be best for your father and mother to separate. If this happens repeatedly its not healthy for both of them and they may both be miserable. If she has cheated numerous times and does not seem to want to stop cheating then it may be best for them to separate.
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M / PH3NF1X
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Posted 6/1/15
yeah cutting, self harm, bad thoughts, depressive state of mind, suicidal tendencies, self hatred
all bad things, seek a help-inator friend guy or even one of those kids help lines and feel weird for 5 minutes but somehow better afterwards
also friends or family tell em good
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