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How do I deal with my parents dirvorce
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Posted 6/6/15

megahobbit wrote:


RuinedDruid wrote:

I thought about that, but my parents are so protective of me that they would constantly watch me to make sure i wasn't going to kill my self.....I am 17 and have to go to bed at 9 still on school nights and I can't go to a friends house unless there is a parent it is pretty ridiculous


I get that it may be stringent but they are just worried about you. Not the best way of handling it but its understandable.

Ive been there though my parents came down super hard this year when they caught my younger brother smoking weed.


I know they are worried, but I haven't done anything to loose their trust. I am the good kid of the family, but I get treated like I do bad stuff all the time it just sucks.....
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Posted 6/6/15

RuinedDruid wrote:

I know they are worried, but I haven't done anything to loose their trust. I am the good kid of the family, but I get treated like I do bad stuff all the time it just sucks.....


Yeah I can feel that. Never done drugs(outside of medication prescribed to me) but my parents still thought I smoked weed.
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Posted 6/6/15 , edited 6/6/15
They are letting you down by keeping up a charade. It clearly isn't healthy, for you, your Dad, or your Mom. Remember that your parents are human and as such, very fallible. I still have a hard time facing up to that fact about mine, but it's true. The important thing is things need to change. It isn't your responsibility to force that change through, but you need to look after yourself, first and foremost. That's your number 1.

You don't need to go too dramatic, but I think it is important that you tell your parents, perhaps individually, that you're really not happy with the way things are, and whatever pretence they are trying to keep up, it isn't working and it's really hard for you.

I would be terrible in your position. Please don't hurt yourself though, I know this is very hard and confusing, but you have to look after yourself. I'm sure both of your parents love you, humans just really suck sometimes.

If there is a school counsellor you can see, or a teacher or someone similar you trust and can talk to, I'd really recommend it. Keep us updated.
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Posted 6/6/15

xtubakex wrote:

They are letting you down by keeping up a charade. It clearly isn't healthy, for you, your Dad, or your Mom. Remember that your parents are human and as such, very fallible. I still have a hard time facing up to that fact about mine, but it's true. The important thing is things need to change. It isn't your responsibility to force that change through, but you need to look after yourself, first and foremost. That's your number 1.

You don't need to go too dramatic, but I think it is important that you tell your parents, perhaps individually, that you're really not happy with the way things are, and whatever pretence they are trying to keep up, it isn't working and it's really hard for you.

I would be terrible in your position. Please don't hurt yourself though, I know this is very hard and confusing, but you have to look after yourself. I'm sure both of your parents love you, humans just really suck sometimes.

If there is a school counsellor you can see, or a teacher or someone similar you trust and can talk to, I'd really recommend it. Keep us updated.


thanks, I go to a youth pastor sometimes(I use to be Christian and went to youth group, but now I am agnostic) and it is nice to talk to him, but sometimes he just gets to religious for me sometimes. Thanks though for the kind words.
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Posted 6/8/15
yeah school social workers/support/leaders
whatever they call them, they may give you some encouragement when you need it

for me in highschool I just couldn't talk to one and refused all the help, it probably would of helped at the time
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46 / M / savannah
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Posted 6/8/15
you need to let your mom know you love her and that she needs to file the papers and go. All she is doing is hurting you and your dad over and over. This don't mean you stop seeing her. She is your mom but it means you need to end the cycle of pain.
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Posted 6/8/15 , edited 6/8/15
Well first, stop cutting yourself. Second, most people get divorced so don't feel too down on yourself. Third, hang around some friends... if you don't have any join a club or something.

about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
It's not your responsibility to fix your mom;s mistakes, you shouldn't expect yourself to try and come with with solutions.
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Posted 6/9/15

horriblis wrote:

you need to let your mom know you love her and that she needs to file the papers and go. All she is doing is hurting you and your dad over and over. This don't mean you stop seeing her. She is your mom but it means you need to end the cycle of pain.


Last time I said that she moved back in just because I was upset with her. I may have yelled at her , but she told me to tell her how I was feeling about it all and not to hold back. That night she started staying with my dad and I again because I made her feel guilty. I didn't mean to make her feel guilty, but that made her move back in......
Posted 6/9/15
You're not married to your parents, why is this still even a thread? That's your job to adapt and spend as little time thinking about them as possible.
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46 / M / savannah
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Posted 6/9/15
what FlyinDumpling said may be best for you then. Hang out with some friends and stay away from it. If you have said how you feel about it all, and it has not helped. Then its best to let it be and work on the one thing you can. Your self. Go have fun and let mom and dad deal with all this.
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Posted 6/10/15

horriblis wrote:

what FlyinDumpling said may be best for you then. Hang out with some friends and stay away from it. If you have said how you feel about it all, and it has not helped. Then its best to let it be and work on the one thing you can. Your self. Go have fun and let mom and dad deal with all this.


Ya only problem is I live in a small town, 183 kids at the high school I go to, and I don't do much, but play games because if you don't hunt, fish or hike then there is nothing to do here
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52 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 6/10/15 , edited 6/10/15
I have been divorced for 2 years and have a son who is 11 first thing my ex-wife and I did was go to community center and find support group for kids with divorced parents. He was pretty quiet at first but I guess he talks a lot about what he is going through and he tells me when he hears that he is not alone it helps a lot. They do drawing for kids who express themselves better with that media and have phone support if things get bad.
I encourage you to talk to your parents and then act on your own and seek a support group to help with the tough times professional help will get you grounded hard enough being a kid
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Posted 6/11/15
I will see if they have those where I live....small town and not much around here, but thanks for the idea though!
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25 / M / S.T.A.R labs (TX)
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Posted 6/12/15
In all honesty man I don't know how to deal with it, but if you ever need someone to talk to bro, I got you!
AnoreZ 
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23 / M / Ohio
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Posted 6/12/15
Man, my parents divorced in my senior year. I knew they were having problems but they tried to play it off. They werent happy. From the point of view of a good friend, no one should stay in any situation if they're unhappy, for any reason at all. But people are fragile beings.

See my dad is like super man, I've seen him hurt bad physically, mentally, emotionally. Yet hes never cried. I always viewed that as strong (But now I view crying as something stronger, it really takes alot to allow yourself to be weak. ) You see hes never cried until they got their divorce . My dad made it seem like it was his fault, he lost his second family and his wife because my mom was doing stuff behind his back. But he never let us find out cause he didnt want us to hate our mom. So he bared all this hate, and tried his best to provide for us and make us happy, but the day we told him we didnt give a sh*t about him anymore he broke down and ran to his room crying. That moment changed me for ever. Like I will never know a greater man than my dad now. After I found out a year later that it was because of my mom I was shattered.

Parents divorcing is hard but you gotta understand it happens because people are unhappy, not just any people but your parents. Its gonna be hard for everyone but you gotta try to cope with it and be supportive in your own way. I ended up working and having to pay rent with my dad, helped him get out of debt and he blew 500 dollars on his new girl friend and I straight up moved in with my mom at the time. Now I dont live anywhere near them im states away but my dad ended up marrying that woman. So I see how happy he is now and I feel at peace, knowing hes happy, and my mom is happy, but with other people. Thats just my reality. It still hurts but its much easier to deal with now and I hope one day I dont rush into anything with anyone, or if I can help it I keep the flame going in a relationship so I never divorce my future wife someday, tearing apart a family.

But then again I know marriage is just a thing, a title.... Love is what keeps people together..
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