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Post Reply Dating etiquette Question?
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27 / F / Northern US
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Posted 6/4/15
Whoever is the person who asked for the date is who pays - in my book
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28 / M / Seattle
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Posted 6/4/15
Interesting responses. I brought this up because of a date I went on recently. I payed for everything, and I assumed she was ok with it, but at the end she told me she wasn't. So for our next one, she wants to be the one who pays. Unfortunately, I'll be just as uncomfortable with that as she is.

She's not a feminist by the way, just a modern gal.
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F / United Kingdom
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Posted 6/4/15
It isn't now really I don't think. But a lot of men think it is, and I'm not going to correct them. Free stuff!
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Posted 6/4/15 , edited 6/4/15

AiYumega wrote:


pirththee wrote:

I thought you just leave the money on the dresser.


Pirththee is a savage


Oh ,come on now.I didn't say dashboard.
Sogno- 
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Posted 6/4/15
well idk about "common" but i certainly hold to that etiquette. but i'm old school so

i dont think it really matters. do whatever u want
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37 / M / USA
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Posted 6/4/15

mordant221 wrote:

Interesting responses. I brought this up because of a date I went on recently. I payed for everything, and I assumed she was ok with it, but at the end she told me she wasn't. So for our next one, she wants to be the one who pays. Unfortunately, I'll be just as uncomfortable with that as she is.

She's not a feminist by the way, just a modern gal.


Ugh. Maybe y'all can just take turns. Not an ideal situation, at least early on.
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27 / M
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Posted 6/4/15 , edited 6/4/15
I think it should depend partially on who asks who and who has the most say in where they are going.


If we both flounder around before randomly picking something, we usually go Dutch. If I do all the planning and choose everything, I will offer to pay after the meal.

But girl need to remember that it's polite to offer to pay regardless of whether the guy asks or not. It's often the thought and the show of awareness and respect that is more important than the actual money and meal. If she doesn't at least offer, I usually slightly feel as though she's using me, regardless of the fact that I would've paid either way.
Posted 6/4/15
If you extend the invitation (and I say this regarding any date, romantic or not), I believe you should offer to pay. It's a way of thanking the other person for spending time with you. Often people will feel bad and offer to split the bill or pay. When this happens, the thing to do would be to insist on paying for everything once more. Most of the time, that works and they will let you pay. If they STILL insist on splitting the bill, then you should respect that and agree.
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19 / M / United States
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Posted 6/4/15
If I don't pay for the entire meal, it hurts my pride...
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47 / M / Rochester, NY
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Posted 6/4/15

pirththee wrote:

I thought you just leave the money on the dresser.


That's cheaper than dating

That is way way cheaper than marriage!
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M / Various
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Posted 6/4/15
As a man, you should always be prepared to pay for everything, and when the time comes offer to pay for everything.
By the first date, you should have a fairly good idea on what the woman expects.

It's a bit more complicated if you're gay, but from what I've been told, they split it, or go with whoever made the first move gets to pay.
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29 / M / Aboard the Hyperion
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Posted 6/4/15 , edited 6/4/15
Expand the way you offer to pay on a first date. I'm sure before that happens, you would have talked about it with your partner and making plans. When you do, say something like "I will pay for the expenses, is that okay with you?" This fulfills two things: 1) you are making it clear that you have the intention to pay in full. 2) At the same time, you are giving your partner the option to make a counter-offer if she wishes to help with the expenses. Number 2 is especially important because it shows that you are not controlling and that there is always an opportunity to make compromises.
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Posted 6/4/15
The only time I was paid was when I forgot my card, he is my friend. We aren't dating at all.....does that help lol?
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36 / M / Terra
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Posted 6/4/15
IMO, the guy should pay for everything on the first date. everything after that is a play by ear, be prepared to pay for everything guys. Can't say for much after that sadly.
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26 / M
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Posted 6/4/15
When i was in college i went on a date with my girlfriend and this was one of the biggest things i was worrying about

being a college student who was paying for his own tuition...money for a meal might not seem like a huge deal but for me to drop 30 dollars or so on one meal seemed outrageous.

I asked a lot of people beforehand and literally every single person almost demanded that the guy has to pay for everything.

In the end i ended up paying for it because it was such an awkward thing to bring up that i did not know how to go about it. When we started going out officially i brought up this topic and we started to split the check but that first date i could not bring myself to talk about it.

Personally i really hate the concept. I like to consider myself to be an old fashioned person, but to me there is a difference between paying for your meal, and being chivalrous. I will hold doors open for you, ill walk closer to the street, ill pull out your chair. These are all things that i can do to be a nice person and to let the girl enjoy themselves. But paying for everything just because your a man really seems like a step back.

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