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Signs of abuse in a relationship
Posted 6/15/15 , edited 6/15/15
I can empathize with Shukuzen xD.

you also must avoid moving in to a horror house lest you want the devil to intervene.
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Posted 6/15/15 , edited 6/15/15

Polardrake wrote:

Ouch, that sounds really harsh Laviriot13. I'm not sure if you'd accept my pity, but it should help to know that we are all in support of you.
Luckily it sounds like this was a while ago, I hope you're doing better.





Freddy96NO wrote:


laviriot13 wrote:
they just talk about what happens and don't do anything about it?

I mean those who says shit about the other, and things that is more private stuff.
Yes its sometimes annyoes me if one of them talks about something they don't like about the other doing
and never tries to solve the problem (or speak out about it and just leave it to fall later on until it hit the bottom and broke).


all of this crazy shit happened 3 years ago. it's not that I'm out looking for pity or anything, just that it's real and it really does happen. yes people said I was stupid to stay in those relationships, but I got through them. real world stuff, seems intense at the time but it becomes a distant memory after a few years.
Posted 6/15/15
You know whats sad, I've seen domestic violence in the streets before. And the problem is you get involved you risk getting yourself or someone else hurt. So I didn't. Is that wrong? I dont know....probably.
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Posted 6/15/15

AiYumega wrote:
Hey dudes who beat chicks.
Line up.
Hey chicks who beat dudes.
Line up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACTuhe4SGlo
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Posted 6/15/15 , edited 6/15/15
I was in a messed up relationship for 8 years in which I was cheated on 11 times. The worst is when you are STUCK in a position where you have to live with that person. I cried, I screamed, I broke shit... In the end, if they cheat, MOVE ON. I finally did, do I regret sticking around that long? Well yes and no. No because I have 4 wonderful boys from the relationship, yes because that was 8 years of my life. Once communication leaves the scene of a relationship then you know there are issues. Lies and deception can be a very hard thing on ones heart, once you mistrust each other, more issues will arise. If they EVER say, oh I love you, but not LOVE LOVE you... MOVE ON.

For anyone, the BEST solution to any abusive relationship is to move on and never turn back. No being FWB, no being besties... Move on.

For me, after finally moving on, things become harder... Not because of financial obligations, but dating wise. If you have kids that removes a good 70% of potential dates you could have. Dates as in partners. You also do not want to introduce your children to a new person every week... So if you are in a new relationship, if it goes sour it can harm your children as well.

Biggest signs of someone cheating:
Empty Browser history (of a shared computer) - I do not condone sneaking around to find stuff out.
Always seems to be texting people / not paying attention to you.
Never has any saved texts on their phone. - Again I do not condone sneaking around.
Goes to a secluded area to use the phone, or abruptly ends a conversation as you get home.
Goes on a vacation or parties with friends often.
Has random people on their social media, or has multiple accounts.
Frequently gets messages on their social media or cell phone and ignores them, or moves to a different room to view them.
On a cell phone while you sleep for long periods at a time.
Goes out with friends and has to "sleep over" because they drank too much.
Smell of condoms on clothing ect. - I know weird but condoms smell pretty strongly and usually have the same type of odor.
Any friends they had suddenly stop being friendly with you or ignores you, or if confronted about something of question they are slow to respond or kind of ignore the question.
They suggest a threesome or other activities of similar taste (Not always a definite sign, but opening up a relationship like this has a HIGH chance of ruining or distorting the relationship)


These are not always signs of a cheater, these are the most frequently viewed signs I personally have seen.

Do not bash me, I do hope this helps other people.

Every relationship I have had since High School, I was either cheated on or didn't last too long due to differences.


I agree with laviriot13, after leaving messed up relationships they will fade and just turn into memories. Well I would call it experience.

The more you experience, the better you are at handling and viewing relationships from a outside perspective. Not all relationships are the same, an the outcome can always differ... But having a good perspective can greatly help you find who you really want to be with.
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Posted 6/15/15
Guy try's to hit you kick him in the nuts, and then go for the head with a frying pan
Posted 6/15/15 , edited 6/15/15

nyuboom wrote:




What sort of expectations?

How do you know for sure if someone is guilt tripping you?

What sort of pressure?

I'm not asking for just personal experiences. I can do with honest examples. Meaning it may or may not be what you experienced. Completely anonymous information based upon experiences from people you may know or a fact you learned. I'd just like to hear them.

Now that I think about it, maybe high expectations isn't the right word for it. Or even needed, because a few of what I've listed can be part of those expectations.
I think one would be like...being told to stay a certain weight (or lose weight). So like, telling you what to do with your appearance. Another is like making them come home at a certain time, basically giving them a curfew. This is a controlling sort of behavior.
You can tell when someone is guilt tripping if they say you did/are doing something wrong then follow it by telling you how it affects them. Or put themselves down. Like:
- "Your depression hurts me more than it does for you."
- "If you just listened to me, I wouldn't have became so angry at you."
- "I'm sorry, I'm a terrible person. You deserve better."
Pressure I guess would also be the same as the person being told to lose weight. But its usually constant pressure to do things you don't wanna do. Like sex. If the pressure is followed by a threat (which usually is), like breaking up with you, hitting you, or even use blackmail.

Shukuzen wrote:
Most of what you call "abuse" is just.. normal human behaviour. If you're not okay with what's going on in the bedroom and you tell the person you're with, and they don't stop, you should most likely not be with that person.

Some people are possessive and coupled with insecurity, they will get "stalk-y", but if that's bothering you( you should've known what kind of person you're dating from the start, unless you're some kind of desperate person, dating anything you find)


Pretty much nothing of what you said is actually "abuse" nor indication of such.

Trust me, I know what is abuse and the indications. You are thinking of them too generally rather than limiting the behavoriors between the abuser & the abused. Its usually a bit more personal. I'd assume you knew what i was talking about.
Just because its "normal" behavior doesnt make it ok or not a sign of abuse.
These things would be expected in a abusive relationship that will also be consistent.
The one being abused often has very low self-esteem and/or high dependency on people or just that person. They can be easy to manipulate as well. Its very hard to let the abuser go for them. Even in high measures. Which is why they end up staying and deny that they are being abused.
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Posted 6/15/15
I've dealt with physical abuse from my father and emotional abuse from my mother. Some early signs of the physical abuse was just some slaps to the face or maybe even threatening to hurt me or something. Emotional abuse was more of a "you're a failure" to "kill yourself" type thing.
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Posted 6/15/15

AiYumega wrote:

You know whats sad, I've seen domestic violence in the streets before. And the problem is you get involved you risk getting yourself or someone else hurt. So I didn't. Is that wrong? I dont know....probably.


If you live in a big city, I wouldn't blame you at all for not getting involved. You wouldn't want to end up getting shot, stabbed, drawn and quartered, or any number of other bad things that could happen. I live in a much smaller area and even I'd hesitate to get involved, only exception being when I'm at work and I have to.
Posted 6/15/15

streamhopper wrote:


AiYumega wrote:

You know whats sad, I've seen domestic violence in the streets before. And the problem is you get involved you risk getting yourself or someone else hurt. So I didn't. Is that wrong? I dont know....probably.


If you live in a big city, I wouldn't blame you at all for not getting involved. You wouldn't want to end up getting shot, stabbed, drawn and quartered, or any number of other bad things that could happen. I live in a much smaller area and even I'd hesitate to get involved, only exception being when I'm at work and I have to.


Yep NYC

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Posted 6/15/15
My cousin was in an abusive relationship with a drug addict. That crazy son of a gun burnt her house down in the end.
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Posted 6/15/15

AiYumega wrote:


streamhopper wrote:


AiYumega wrote:

You know whats sad, I've seen domestic violence in the streets before. And the problem is you get involved you risk getting yourself or someone else hurt. So I didn't. Is that wrong? I dont know....probably.


If you live in a big city, I wouldn't blame you at all for not getting involved. You wouldn't want to end up getting shot, stabbed, drawn and quartered, or any number of other bad things that could happen. I live in a much smaller area and even I'd hesitate to get involved, only exception being when I'm at work and I have to.


Yep NYC



Neat! I've never been there, but maybe someday I'll drift that far East. I'd like to see the city sometime. Biggest city I've ever been to is Hong Kong. That was a big place, but lots of cool stuff. My city has about 75,000 people; maybe 600,000 in the entire metro area (we have a lot of small cities close together so they're all grouped as one).
Posted 6/15/15


Wow thanks for the honest replies. I believe you never know who you're really dealing with. Someone who says they have morals and would never do something then they turn around and do it isn't worth anyones time. Especially if they can't apologize properly and place blame as much as they can on you before themselves.

"I don't think it is really a big deal what I did"

"My friend doesn't think it is a big deal either"

They take back their apology and try and make it seem like you're just going crazy.

So he shoved you? Doesn't matter- it's NO big deallll.
Yes, it is a big deal. They should apologize and not expect you to forgive them instantly or try to place blame on you.

Posted 6/15/15
I have dealt with both, more so physical abuse.

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Posted 6/15/15

nyuboom wrote:



Wow thanks for the honest replies. I believe you never know who you're really dealing with. Someone who says they have morals and would never do something then they turn around and do it isn't worth anyones time. Especially if they can't apologize properly and place blame as much as they can on you before themselves.

"I don't think it is really a big deal what I did"

"My friend doesn't think it is a big deal either"

They take back their apology and try and make it seem like you're just going crazy.

So he shoved you? Doesn't matter- it's NO big deallll.
Yes, it is a big deal. They should apologize and not expect you to forgive them instantly or try to place blame on you.



It is a big deal at that point. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Ever. Sorry, I'm a gentleman. I'd never do that to anyone.
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