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Post Reply Too easily emotionally attached?
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Posted 1/1/16 , edited 1/1/16

PrinceJudar wrote:


HolyDrumstick post">wrote:


Pardon me, but she's a fuckin' slut.

Some people take a long time...or never learn, unfortunately.

I'm a real turtle when it comes to relationships. Takin' it real slow like.



And there's nothing wrong with that. If you invest too much too fast, you can't cut it off as easy when things go south. If you take it slow, you can usually nip the bad ones in the bud at about 2 months.

If they're going to last, there is plenty of time to open up. Doesn't have to be right away.
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Posted 1/1/16
It's easy to get carried away and see someone through rose tinted glasses as soon as they show interest in you.

From my experience that never ends well simply because in that scenario, the person who gets easily attached has the crap end of the power balance in the relationship. Especially if the other person is female, even more so over the internet/long distance.

Your brain knows what's up. That's why you're anxious and seeking advice. You already KNOW the answer. The hard part is getting your heart to listen to your brain (who will almost inevitably end up being right).
Maybe I'm simply pessimistic but I have gone from easily attached to virtually impossible to develop feelings.

(Boring personal anecdotes coming up)
Once upon a time after having my heart crushed a few times I built up walls and became insensitive.
A girl came around and showed continued interest despite the walls until she brought them down, and quickly decided she was no longer interested after that. That hurt.
So I built bigger walls.
Eventually, on the internet this time, another woman acted interested and I refused to develop feelings because I had been fooled before. She bashed at my walls furiously for a year telling me everything I wanted to hear and eventually I said alright, I'll believe you, and I let her in.
And once I was invested she decided she wasn't interested anymore and hopped onto some other dude.
That was the last time I let myself be fooled.
Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like some women (maybe men too, I wouldn't know) do it just to prove they can. Maybe they get some sense of self-worth because "look, I can make this cold-hearted guy fall for me". On the internet you run the added risk that she/he is doing the same thing to half a dozen or more guys/girls. I've seen it more than once. It's pretty horrible.

TL;DR
I advise a very cautious approach and I personally suggest keeping your feelings under tight control until the other person proves they are serious through actions, not just words.
Words are wind.
I've yet to meet someone who actually meant them.


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Posted 1/1/16

HolyDrumstick wrote:And there's nothing wrong with that. If you invest too much too fast, you can't cut it off as easy when things go south. If you take it slow, you can usually nip the bad ones in the bud at about 2 months.

If they're going to last, there is plenty of time to open up. Doesn't have to be right away.


I never even gave anyone the time of day before this dumbass.

That's the way we see it as well. Maybe another year or two until the whole kissin' thing. Heh.



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Posted 1/1/16 , edited 1/1/16

HolyDrumstick wrote:

And there's nothing wrong with that. If you invest too much too fast, you can't cut it off as easy when things go south. If you take it slow, you can usually nip the bad ones in the bud at about 2 months.

If they're going to last, there is plenty of time to open up. Doesn't have to be right away.


I'm tempted to disagree with you.
I find it hurts most when you took it real slow and cautious-like, and eventually open up and THEN you get burned.
Because that says to you "see how you were careful and took every precaution and STILL got burned?"
It sends the message that there's simply no winning.


P.S: Sidenote, best of luck to you two Judar
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Posted 1/1/16

X41822N wrote:


HolyDrumstick wrote:

And there's nothing wrong with that. If you invest too much too fast, you can't cut it off as easy when things go south. If you take it slow, you can usually nip the bad ones in the bud at about 2 months.

If they're going to last, there is plenty of time to open up. Doesn't have to be right away.


I'm tempted to disagree with you.
I find it hurts most when you took it real slow and cautious-like, and eventually open up and THEN you get burned.
Because that says to you "see how you were careful and took every precaution and STILL got burned?"
It sends the message that there's simply no winning.


P.S: Sidenote, best of luck to you two Judar :)

Certainly, that is possible, too.... just less likely.

Sometimes you just get bent over a barrel.
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Posted 1/1/16 , edited 1/1/16

X41822N wrote:

P.S: Sidenote, best of luck to you two Judar :)


Thanks, mate.

We build walls for a reason. It does hurt more. The only thing we can attempt to do is decrease the chances of it happening by weeding out the obvious.

My personal solution to it was kicking the door shut before anyone even got a hand in. I slammed the door on the fucker--rejected, but the fuckwit still spent two years after that prying the shit open. Insufferable moron...but I argue impossible not to fall for at that point.

Sorry to hear of your shit experiences. Some people just ain't right in the head.

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Posted 1/1/16
No, I usually make it hard. But if you get me to care it's overflowing.
JuJu26 
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Posted 1/1/16
I don't anymore, rather, I can't. Years of mistakes and heartbreak has caused me NOT to get too attached. Actually, my problem is the opposite; i'm a little detached, which makes me dense and oblivious. I'm better at it now than I was 3 years ago, so I think I am fine.
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Posted 1/2/16
I feel like this a lot. I used to feel like this a whole hell of a lot more before I started a job in customer service for 2 years. Now I see people way differently and so it takes me a while to get to the point of infatuation. I guess it thickened my skin a little. hehe
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Posted 1/3/16 , edited 1/3/16
It depends on how someone extends their kindness or feelings to me. If I really find myself liking their treatment of me, at least initially, I'll probably end up getting too attached. I spent the earlier years of my life being emotionally battered, I'm a bit of a sucker for people who treat me with great care and kindness. The only problem is that due to my issues, I am horrible at reacting to abandonment. Like, really horrible. Like, I will rip my hair out or try and deface your reputation or end up trying to force / manipulate you back, if I'm feeling especially angry. Exactly why I haven't had a whole lot of lasting relations in life. I ruin them.
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Posted 1/3/16 , edited 1/3/16
Only happened a few times with me. Now I just don't really care anymore, except for my little girl, of course. She's my world.
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