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Post Reply Social Awkwardness
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Posted 6/19/15
In a lot of the anime I watch, I see a good deal of social awkwardness. I've always been that way; I'm fine in most cases, but put a girl in front of me and I'll turn to a blob of goo. Obviously, this is cross cultural, or it wouldn't appear in anime. What's your opinion on social awkwardness? Why can't we just *talk* to each other?

*apologies if there is a thread like this, I did look and didn't see anything*
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Posted 6/19/15
some people just find it hard to come up with the right words or feel like they are going to mess up the conversation, i honestly had that problem somewhat recently but i learned to just simply not care, ignore myself and my potential fuck ups, it isn't really easy to do but i'm learning and honestly it helps, at least for me
Posted 6/19/15 , edited 6/19/15
I've been dealing with social awkwardness for my whole life.
I was almost always kinda bad or just felt awkward myself in any social situation tbh.
I think in anime it appears often because the people who watch it are most likely introverts. And introverts are seen as socially awkward, if not just asocial I guess.
Sogno- 
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Posted 6/19/15
it is entirely too much effort to be social. im tired just from talkin on the phone. texting is a pain... sigh...

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Posted 6/19/15

Sogno- wrote:

it is entirely too much effort to be social. im tired just from talkin on the phone. texting is a pain... sigh...



Gotta love technology, right?
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Posted 6/19/15

streamhopper wrote:

In a lot of the anime I watch, I see a good deal of social awkwardness. I've always been that way; I'm fine in most cases, but put a girl in front of me and I'll turn to a blob of goo. Obviously, this is cross cultural, or it wouldn't appear in anime. What's your opinion on social awkwardness? Why can't we just *talk* to each other?

*apologies if there is a thread like this, I did look and didn't see anything*


Do you want the psychological answer about why people are socially awkward or the commonly understood version? Usually it is a form of anxiety and/or fear, but shouldn't be debilitating. You could sometimes say it is best demonstrated by the littlest of children who try to hide behind their parent(s) when meeting someone new. Over time, we hopefully start to overcome that state and learn to socialize. However, there are some whom revert and/or never get past that stage. The reasons for this are plentiful and vary from person to person.

It never completely goes away though. That is why it is not uncommon during job interviews for the interviewer to just go quiet. It plays off the anxiety and desire to interact to cause the applicant to share more than they may have intended to. This may seem like the flip side of being shy, but they are both manifesting social anxiety.
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Posted 6/19/15

Bullbound wrote:


streamhopper wrote:

In a lot of the anime I watch, I see a good deal of social awkwardness. I've always been that way; I'm fine in most cases, but put a girl in front of me and I'll turn to a blob of goo. Obviously, this is cross cultural, or it wouldn't appear in anime. What's your opinion on social awkwardness? Why can't we just *talk* to each other?

*apologies if there is a thread like this, I did look and didn't see anything*


Do you want the psychological answer about why people are socially awkward or the commonly understood version? Usually it is a form of anxiety and/or fear, but shouldn't be debilitating. You could sometimes say it is best demonstrated by the littlest of children who try to hide behind their parent(s) when meeting someone new. Over time, we hopefully start to overcome that state and learn to socialize. However, there are some whom revert and/or never get past that stage. The reasons for this are plentiful and vary from person to person.

It never completely goes away though. That is why it is not uncommon during job interviews for the interviewer to just go quiet. It plays off the anxiety and desire to interact to cause the applicant to share more than they may have intended to. This may seem like the flip side of being shy, but they are both manifesting social anxiety.


I didn't think that far ahead, honestly. But since you mention it, I agree that anxiety is involved. But that's always seemed odd to me. I've been taught that we are social creatures. In the absence of others, we don't do well. But the presence of others makes us uneasy. The old saying "You can't have it both ways" seems to apply here.
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Posted 6/19/15
Yup. It is one of those balancing acts that everyone has to deal with. While some folks may seem more comfortable in bigger crowds, they are often less comfortable in smaller gatherings and the opposites apply too. How big is considered big, is all up to the individual.
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Posted 6/19/15
alcohol is courage in bottle
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Posted 6/19/15

scoobydew wrote:

alcohol is courage in bottle



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Posted 6/19/15

streamhopper wrote:

In a lot of the anime I watch, I see a good deal of social awkwardness. I've always been that way; I'm fine in most cases, but put a girl in front of me and I'll turn to a blob of goo. ?


Since you specifically mention girls, may I infer you mean an awkwardness in a attempt to ask someone out on a date?

Can I ask the general age you are at? Pre-college, Still in college, or full time work force will suffice... Its just, if I was to give my opinion and suggestion, it might differ on a persons current tenure in life.

For example - someone in pre-college - don't worry too much. Social pressure is awkward, no doubt. But trying too hard to be social when it doesn't come naturally will only make you feel more anxiety. But if you are feeling confident, and there is a girl in class that smiles at you everyday, than talk to her. How? That is easier than you think, ask her what she did over the weekend, then when she answers, ask her more questions about that topic, and be interested, don't just feign interest... after some time it will just be easy. If she has a boyfriend, don't shrink away, keep asking her how is her day is going the next day you see her. Be considerate and polite. You are just being friendly at that point, social status or relationship status is not important. Once you have established a friendship who knows what will happen in the future. The person might be single again later, or they might have another friend they introduce you too. Life is funny how it works that way.


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Posted 6/19/15
I figure it has a lot to do with how we were raised or how we grew up

For me the biggest culture shock that ever happened was when i switched from a tiny, private catholic school into a large, cultural middle school in the 6th grade. Not only was i in a VASTLY different setting, i also had to endure the stigma of being the only 'new kid' in class that year. Up until that point, a lot of the students in the school were ones my parents had taught me to avoid (not to mention that they were the type that would've been kicked out at my old school), and i was suddenly having to interact with them on a daily basis. I tried to play it cool for a little while but any time i found a group of kids that i liked and decided to sit with them at lunch, the topic was always on some sort of taboo thing from what i had been exposed to up until that point. The school did have a pretty strict no bullying policy which probably saved my ass numerous times, but i just couldn't shake the hostility and animosity that came off of some of the students. Hell, the only place i really felt comfortable was in choir because it was something i was good at and a lot of the other students gave me praise for it. But eventually i had to bite the bullet and let go of my innocent catholic school vibes and become very open to the types of conversations and activities that students would participate in. But i feel like that, in the end, helped curb the social anxiety that i would end up having later. If i had been thrown straight from catholic middle school into the public high school i later went to, i would be dead meat.

Idk, i'm thankful that i have conversational skill, and that i've learned to put aside any bias or prejudice i have towards strangers. But i am still quite scared of meeting new people (i think low self confidence is the main offender there). I won't usually put up any walls around myself if i'm in a situation where that is required, but i will avoid it if at all possible. And i'm not really one to go up and talk to someone by myself either. If on the other hand i am with a friend who wants to go talk to someone, I will push and shove them over to the other person and start a conversation, hell i'll even carry the whole thing out myself, but as long as i have one friend with me i feel fairly confident.

But yeah, your upbringing has the most to do with social anxiety I believe. Going from somewhere where accepting everyone and being their friend was mandatory to somewhere where acquainting yourself with someone was completely optional definitely ended up laying out the groundwork of my social skill-tree which has ended up making me a friendly and open-minded person who is terrified of rejection
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Posted 6/19/15

ntrebooter wrote:


streamhopper wrote:

In a lot of the anime I watch, I see a good deal of social awkwardness. I've always been that way; I'm fine in most cases, but put a girl in front of me and I'll turn to a blob of goo. ?


Since you specifically mention girls, may I infer you mean an awkwardness in a attempt to ask someone out on a date?

Can I ask the general age you are at? Pre-college, Still in college, or full time work force will suffice... Its just, if I was to give my opinion and suggestion, it might differ on a persons current tenure in life.

For example - someone in pre-college - don't worry too much. Social pressure is awkward, no doubt. But trying too hard to be social when it doesn't come naturally will only make you feel more anxiety. But if you are feeling confident, and there is a girl in class that smiles at you everyday, than talk to her. How? That is easier than you think, ask her what she did over the weekend, then when she answers, ask her more questions about that topic, and be interested, don't just feign interest... after some time it will just be easy. If she has a boyfriend, don't shrink away, keep asking her how is her day is going the next day you see her. Be considerate and polite. You are just being friendly at that point, social status or relationship status is not important. Once you have established a friendship who knows what will happen in the future. The person might be single again later, or they might have another friend they introduce you too. Life is funny how it works that way.




*chuckles* I'm full time work force. Have been for the last 20 years. Social awkwardness doesn't change just because you get older. If anything, I'd say I'm more socially awkward than I was when I was younger. If there's a girl in my class, I'm probably her teacher (I do take classes, though, so all bets are off on that). Although I do agree with your last statement - life certainly has a sense of humor.
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Posted 6/19/15
Im awkward but I think it's just part of my personality but if a guy I really like is talking with me. I get pretty awkward. More than usual. Or maybe it is I feel more awkward. I wonder if there is a difference in feeling awkward or just being awkward. Is it possible to not feel awkward but just be awkward? Or the other way around.
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