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Post Reply Marriage how important?
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Posted 7/9/15 , edited 7/9/15

scoobydew wrote:

Marriage is good if you plan on children gives a sense of stability and kids like to feel secure


I disagree with both. You can have the same without marriage. I'd actually argue the emotional impact or toll of a divorce on kids would be even worse than if you were not in marriage. Whether you're married or not, if you're going to split up, it's going to happen. It's just with marriage you carry more emotional baggage because one may feel like they must "Stay together for the kids" which is crap.

At least without marriage you can keep your shit.
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Posted 7/9/15

KHROM-TX wrote:


scoobydew wrote:

Marriage is good if you plan on children gives a sense of stability and kids like to feel secure


I disagree with both. You can have the same without marriage. I'd actually argue the emotional impact or toll of a divorce on kids would be even worse than if you were not in marriage. Whether you're married or not, if you're going to split up, it's going to happen. It's just with marriage you carry more emotional baggage because one may feel like they must "Stay together for the kids" which is crap.

At least without marriage you can keep your shit.


I am speaking on personal experience of being married and having a kid. Its all good to disagree if you can back up your point? I am also divorced but have joint custody and kept my shit so both scenarios covered
Posted 7/9/15
Depends on what your looking for.I think some people like the idea of being in a marriage and what it implies rather than just being together with the person you love because you want to be with them. Not saying that marriage is bad but some people might do it because it's socially expected of them which I think is not the best reason to marry someone. I don't know if that makes sense but yea that's my opinion. If done out of just love and not because of other peoples expectations of them then yea it can be a beautiful thing.
Posted 7/9/15
Legal aspects and tax advantages to being legally married for gays,
That and it is meant to symbolize a long-term committment to their partner .
And often spiritual reasons as well.
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Posted 7/9/15

scoobydew wrote:


KHROM-TX wrote:


scoobydew wrote:

Marriage is good if you plan on children gives a sense of stability and kids like to feel secure


I disagree with both. You can have the same without marriage. I'd actually argue the emotional impact or toll of a divorce on kids would be even worse than if you were not in marriage. Whether you're married or not, if you're going to split up, it's going to happen. It's just with marriage you carry more emotional baggage because one may feel like they must "Stay together for the kids" which is crap.

At least without marriage you can keep your shit.


I am speaking on personal experience of being married and having a kid. Its all good to disagree if you can back up your point? I am also divorced but have joint custody and kept my shit so both scenarios covered


I'm not saying marriage doesn't breed stable or secure children. Everyone knows that it does, and that's great. Your personal experience is not representative of the whole of marriage, arguing this way is faulty logic.

You said "kids like to feel secure" This is subjective and there is no data available that shows that it does versus unmarried homes.
So I ask you this: What security does a marriage provide to a child that an unmarried, happy couple Co-habitating and raising the children, can't? Where all else is equal but the absence of a marriage?
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Posted 7/9/15

KHROM-TX wrote:


scoobydew wrote:


KHROM-TX wrote:


scoobydew wrote:

Marriage is good if you plan on children gives a sense of stability and kids like to feel secure


I disagree with both. You can have the same without marriage. I'd actually argue the emotional impact or toll of a divorce on kids would be even worse than if you were not in marriage. Whether you're married or not, if you're going to split up, it's going to happen. It's just with marriage you carry more emotional baggage because one may feel like they must "Stay together for the kids" which is crap.

At least without marriage you can keep your shit.


I am speaking on personal experience of being married and having a kid. Its all good to disagree if you can back up your point? I am also divorced but have joint custody and kept my shit so both scenarios covered


I'm not saying marriage doesn't breed stable or secure children. Everyone knows that it does, and that's great. Your personal experience is not representative of the whole of marriage, arguing this way is faulty logic.

You said "kids like to feel secure" This is subjective and there is no data available that shows that it does versus unmarried homes.
So I ask you this: What security does a marriage provide to a child that an unmarried, happy couple Co-habitating and raising the children, can't? Where all else is equal but the absence of a marriage?


Again I will speak from my personal experience and say my son doesn't want to be singled out in his class the kid with a mom and dad who aren't married. He has 3 same sex couples in his class and surprise they all are legally married. He is older at the present time so I think he is coming to terms that I am not getting back with my wife his mother but again I am only speaking from my own experience not from a talk show or something I read on the internet or pulled out of my ass
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Posted 7/10/15
For me, I tried living with someone and it just seems so temporary while marriage seems more permanent (yes I know about divorce and annulments, but it's more comforting to see both parties go all in). It's a proven fact that married couples try to work out their problems mosre than couples just living together. Divorce can be sloppy and a long process but a break-up just involves a goodbye and walking through the door.
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22 / M / Fraxinus
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Posted 7/10/15
If you need a marriage to legitimise your relationship and cement it, you kind of have to question just how legitimate that relationship is. Would a married couple who had been together for a year be more legitimate than a couple who had been together for fifty years?

I'm not against marriage, by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm against the idea that it's essential for a solid relationship. You shouldn't need a big ceremony, or a piece of paper, or even a ring to know that a relationship is solid or going somewhere.

I know it's important for government and fianancial reasons and whatnot, if you end up living together and having a family, but other than that I don't see it as that important, especially with how divorce lessens how much of a commitment it really is. I feel like there should be a set amount of time a couple needs to be together for before they can get married, to make it a little less... like it is now, although, obviously I can see the issues with that.

Whatever the case, I respect a couple's decision to marry, and I mean no offence when I say that I personally don't feel as if marriage legitimises a relationship any more than simply being together for a long time does.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 7/10/15 , edited 7/10/15
The relationship is more important than any ceremony, but it can still be extremely important to the individual because of the sentiment attached.
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Posted 7/10/15
Yeah, I have serious problems with people vowing forever then divorcing a few years later. I take my vows literally, or there is no value in my word.
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Posted 7/10/15
Not that important but if you want to do it go for it. Most people seem to be into it. Though how long it lasts is another story.I was engaged in my younger years for a bit and decided that even the benefits weren't worth it to me with her personality. Love is just a concept I don't buy into. The way society acts like companionship and marriage/kids are needed is rather disturbing to me.

I see no benefit to being married other than financially really. I can already do everything else myself and I'm more or less well off now. So really, more money isn't really going to change anything for me.
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Posted 7/10/15

neugenx wrote:

For me, I tried living with someone and it just seems so temporary while marriage seems more permanent (yes I know about divorce and annulments, but it's more comforting to see both parties go all in). It's a proven fact that married couples try to work out their problems mosre than couples just living together. Divorce can be sloppy and a long process but a break-up just involves a goodbye and walking through the door.


Probably because you stand to lose a lot more from a marriage.
Posted 7/10/15

Freddy96NO wrote:

Is that from Merlin?


No, not really.
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23 / M / Texas
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Posted 7/10/15
There was a time I was a big hopless romantic about it but nowadays I could care less about it. I know it sonds pretty asswholish but I'd rather spend money on myself than another person... my greed outweighs my need for love. No... thats a lie I'm just scared of taking that big of a step I don't feel like I would be able to handle it so I just don't pursue it.
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Posted 7/10/15 , edited 7/10/15
To me, marriage is not important. I've never really wanted to get married and I have never wanted kids, either. Seems like a waste of money and time. I can't speak for others, though.
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