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The denial, hate, and fetishization of Bisexuality & Asexuality...
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24 / F / United States, DE
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Posted 7/29/15
I've been bisexual for a long time, and I have never been hated on for it. Ever. I don't know why people act like bisexuals are picked on so much, because I'm not seeing it. Never have I been called 'confused' or 'a horny pervert'. I think bi people, especially bi girls, have it a LOT easier off than strictly gay people. But that may just be my opinion.

As for asexuals, I really don't know what to think. The fact that a human being can't have ANY desire to reproduce at all is super strange to me, since that is a basic life drive that all creatures have. Plus, the name makes me think of amoebas and other things that just divide themselves into pieces to reproduce lol.

Posted 7/29/15 , edited 7/29/15
I am perfectly fine with bisexuals. All of my gay friends always bashed on them though, which is unfortunate given they each had isolated incidents with a stereotype. My gay friends always said their partner cheated on them with someone of the other gender and were told, "it doesn't count." I paraphrased that, but yeah. I don't believe true bisexuals are all like this as I think most human beings, at least in monogamous relationship societies, will find it wrong to cheat on their partner. I think the lack of good stories I have about gay friends dating bisexuals is because there is no shock value in that kind of story. Good relationships that just seem to end, tend to just fizzle out and that doesn't make a good story (hence I, and perhaps we, don't hear about it).


I have nothing wrong with asexuals. I envy the life style they lead if they are happy while doing it (see: I'm not talking about the asexuals that just give up dating, I'm talking those that truly don't feel attraction).


There are enviable qualities in both bisexuality and asexuality. One, having options. The other, not needing options. I understand why the stereotypes fly around (at least for bi's - good stories rarely circulate), but think people should stop, For example, if I were bisexual and my partner really wanted a threesome just because of that - I think I'd be hurt. In the extreme cases like that, I think people treat bisexuals less like humans and more, as the stereotype goes, as uncontrollable perverts. The problem is that: even bisexuals can appreciate monogamy.

Just my take on it. Treat people like human beings and everyone can be much happier for it.
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23 / M
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Posted 7/29/15
I wouldn't date either.
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45 / M
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Posted 7/29/15 , edited 7/29/15

anzn wrote:

Why is there so much of it?
There is so much of it even in the LGBT community.


Why? because you are dealing with human shortcomings and emotional and intellectual immaturity, irrespective of gender or sexuality.
Intolerance and hate exists everywhere, even inside the very groups who feel persecution from others.

As I have seen other posters here comment - the experience and level of that intolerance (or denial) depends on the individuals you deal with and their maturity, not their gender or sexuality or whether they are part of "LGBT" community.
It is just as invalid a generalisation to say that "There is so much of it even in the LGBT community."
as it is to say "islamic mosques are breeding grounds for terrorism"
or to say "women in comfortable shoes are lesbians"
or to say "9 out of 10 dentists recommend Colgate"
because it depends on the particular local LGBT community you circulate in (or communicate with online) as to their level of maturiy and tolerance.

Unfortunately, you will find in most cases that the most immature humans ARE congregating in support groups because they require that support, and that the most mature humans live comfortably isolated lives - either alone or with the partner(s) of their choice, not having any emotional dependencies or need for continual reassurance of their self-worth from like-minded individuals or charismatic leaders.

It might help to use a broader analogy of intolerance:

Just as with the continual hang-ups western nations have with self-accusations of racism toward various 'other' ethnicities,
Those external ethnicities conduct just as much racism and intolerance from one nation to another or even one tribal group to another, and westerners cannot comprehend the distinction since they conveniently and ignorantly group them all together as 'Asian' or 'Indian' or 'Euro'...

Intolerance, Racism, Sexism, Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse all stem from multiple psychological driving factors within immature individuals who gather into groups and reinforce each other's behaviour through those group dynamics.
- to seek approval and acceptance within a group by liking what the group likes, and shunning what the group hates
- to seek advancement of one's own position within the group by way of "proving" oneself better than others in the group, and by logical extension, belittling the others in the group.
-to reinforce one's own self esteem by passing attacks from those higher in social rank, down the line to those perceived as lower social rank.

The latter two drivers are similar in their outcome, but an important distinction is the purpose. One is done to achieve social advancement, and the other is to assuage one's own feelings of inadequacy and shame at being belittled.
e.g. it is the difference between a salaryman who stays back later than everyone else to impress the boss (See Karoshi),
and the salaryman who gets verbally abused in front of his colleagues, goes to the izakaya/sake bar, gets home and beats his wife and children to feel better about himself as a "strong man".

Those drivers are extremely basic primal urges, and can be found in many complex animal groups, but they are not inescapable unless you are physically and economically forced to exist at the bottom of a socio-economic/geopolitical ladder.
These unlucky masses (e.g. refugees, poverty-stricken underclasses, minority groups) are persecuted at the whim of other powerful groups or nations who control the government & media such that the world at large is ignorant of their plight - or worse, is convinced via right-wing nationalistic/conservative propaganda that they represent a threat to the 'normal' way of life of the comfortable sheep in those dominant national groups.

To overcome those urges is the only way for humans to escalate from being an animal to true civilisation. As opposed to the facade of civilisation we all live in now.
Posted 7/29/15
Not my problem, suck it up.
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28 / M
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Posted 7/29/15
People hate bisexuality and "asexuality" because it's a degenerate life style choice.
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Posted 7/29/15 , edited 7/29/15

wingopanda wrote:

People hate bisexuality and "asexuality" because it's a degenerate life style choice.


So what, I assume, you think the sentiment that bisexuals are promiscuous is true, and that asexuality isn't possible? For many people, sexuality can be ingrained, bi people too can have feelings for both sexes from a young age, like gay and lesbian people can. They aren't always in a "phase", they can be just as faithful as anyone else. As for asexuals, ever considered the fact that some people may be asexual because of trauma/abuse or just because they literally have no sexual drive whatsoever? I mean, c'mon, we exist, just because asexuals and bisexuals are rarer than your garden variety heterosexual or gay person doesn't mean they should be devalued?

Like, I've always had a thing kinda for girls, as well as guys, I guess that means I'm a degenerate? You sound like my ass of a mother.
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22 / M / England
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Posted 7/29/15

wingopanda wrote:

People hate bisexuality and "asexuality" because it's a degenerate life style choice.


So is stoning people to death, but you seem to have no problems there.
Posted 7/29/15
I didn't know that bisexual people had to go through such things though. For me, when someone tells me "I like both boys and girls." I'm cool with it... It's not like I can judge how another person sees other people or whatever...

Like what... I watch them react to boys and girls passing down on a street and go "You actually like girls more, because you had your eyes glued on that chick." ...?

As for the asexual part, yeah... I've heard that too. There was an article where an asexual girl was being kissed by her guy friends because they were like "Once I've kissed you, you'd realise that you are attracted to guys or girls."

People shouldn't be too skeptical about other people's minds, bodies.... etc etc.......

It doesn't make sense to me why they even judge in the first place. It doesn't help them in any way either.
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Posted 7/29/15 , edited 7/29/15

Buckerss wrote:


wingopanda wrote:

People hate bisexuality and "asexuality" because it's a degenerate life style choice.


So is stoning people to death, but you seem to have no problems there.


What else would you expect from a guy whose avi is a picture of a cross, though.
Posted 7/29/15

Chaquieor wrote:

I didn't know that bisexual people had to go through such things though. For me, when someone tells me "I like both boys and girls." I'm cool with it... It's not like I can judge how another person sees other people or whatever...

Like what... I watch them react to boys and girls passing down on a street and go "You actually like girls more, because you had your eyes glued on that chick." ...?

As for the asexual part, yeah... I've heard that too. There was an article where an asexual girl was being kissed by her guy friends because they were like "Once I've kissed you, you'd realise that you are attracted to guys or girls."

People shouldn't be too skeptical about other people's minds, bodies.... etc etc.......

It doesn't make sense to me why they even judge in the first place. It doesn't help them in any way either.

Yeah. It's really stupid. People always find a reason to hate someone/groups of people though, and try to give a reason to (like saying we're most likely to cheat) to justify their hate.
So dumb.

Also thats dumb too. lol I mean, I believe it's possible to be more attractive to one sex than the other when you're bi, but if we tell people (who aren't bi probably) that they'll be like "Oh so you're actually gay/straight???"

Yeah, it's gross. I heard about that too. ://
And unfortunately, people care about what other people do I guess. Especially with ones who aren't considered the norm.
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101 / Under the Sea
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Posted 7/29/15
I came here reading this threat to hope someone would talk about pansexuals but ah well.

Anyway, it's not really denial but rather scared of change. Most people who hate it never grew up with it. A lot of people have that as they grow older to think what they were raised and to see are the only things that are "normal". There are some adults who are acceptance of anything and how people feel. I don't know how you fetishizes bisexuality or asexuality because if you are willing to be a bi party then you are bi yourself.

I know it's hard to come to accept and like it because they aren't that. They lack empathy and understanding. I admit, I am a huge hypocrite when I laugh that there are "too many labels" when I use those ""labels"". I am quite thankful for them because I found a ""label"" that is me. People who define themselves thinking they are already suited, never questioning themselves are quite lucky. They are comfortable with their body and themselves. There are many people out there wishing they had that.

I've said it many times before but if those people aren't hurting anyone then leave them be.
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49 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 7/29/15
Don't feed the troll
Posted 7/29/15 , edited 7/29/15
Lately I've questioned myself whether I was asexual or not. I've been in 'two' relationships. I am not going to call them real relationships but the second one was close to being real. I just never cared about that part of the relationship, granted it was long distance, I just wanted to be have a partner I guess? I just wanted someone that I loved. Now I don't really care about relationships in general or sex for that matter. I don't want to consider myself asexual because I don't know. I'll just be straight lol. I believe it can be a real thing though, sure it seems some places like Tumblr go to ridiculous levels but eh.
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19 / Hahhahaha
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Posted 7/29/15
I am Asexual, and I will never understand why society is so unwilling to accept asexuality as a leggit orientation. Asexuals literally do nothing to anyone, yet its deemed as unacceptable(?)

I'm happy the way I am, and the thought of connecting with someone on a spiritual level, is very rewarding.

As long as you're content with who you are, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks, or says.
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