Post Reply Girl and boyfriend tries to murder her parents
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19 / M / Future Gadget Lab...
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Posted 7/31/15
The article's pretty long, but this is the story of Jennifer Pan, a girl who lived under a strict Vietnamese household who would become a pathological liar...and eventually a murderer.

http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2015/07/22/jennifer-pan-revenge/

There are clearly many factors that played into this story and this story is hardly black and white, but nonetheless, it is truly a tragedy.
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21 / M / Ontario
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Posted 7/31/15
A man visited his doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checked him out and gave him some bad news. "There are two things wrong with you" he said."You have cancer and Alzheimer's.

"Well.." said the man, "at least I don't have cancer."
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Posted 8/1/15
Oh god, there's no words.... besides... awful....
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24 / F / The moon
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Posted 8/1/15
I'm not rooting for the daughter, but strict parents are that strict. A child will rebel in some way because of being tied down too much. It is messed up.
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Posted 8/1/15
I think Jennifer Pan wasn't lying when she said that she cried when she heard her parents being shot. There's a huge difference between wishing your parents were dead and it becoming a reality.

I sometimes wonder if 'tight knit' families are worth it, if they make the children think they can never leave. Toxic relationships are like that. If only someone had told her about toxic relationships and healthy relationship boundaries. They really should cover this in high schools. I can't remember if they actually did in phys-ed on the health section, but I remember seeing a handout at a workshop later in life that frightened me a bit because I noticed some red flags right away in my best friend's relationship.
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Posted 8/1/15
I really think its toxic from being a child and you don't get to have resposability over yourself or your discions.
And the parents is more of a helpful "tool" and helped you fly but the rest was up to yourself to get where you want/survival/job etc.
Posted 8/1/15
Posted 8/1/15
I've seen worse happen on the ID channel x.x
I mean seriously, am I the only one who watches
true crime shows?
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Posted 8/1/15 , edited 8/1/15

Kitahoshi_Hazel wrote:

I think Jennifer Pan wasn't lying when she said that she cried when she heard her parents being shot. There's a huge difference between wishing your parents were dead and it becoming a reality.

I sometimes wonder if 'tight knit' families are worth it, if they make the children think they can never leave. Toxic relationships are like that. If only someone had told her about toxic relationships and healthy relationship boundaries. They really should cover this in high schools. I can't remember if they actually did in phys-ed on the health section, but I remember seeing a handout at a workshop later in life that frightened me a bit because I noticed some red flags right away in my best friend's relationship.


What you're talking about is commonly referred to as "codependency" and there are many kinds of codependency, hence why I cannot strictly define it. When a person centers their life around another person and their needs to a point of disregarding themselves is an example of codependent behavior, but trying to "save" a person who doesn't want to be saved also counts as another type of codependency. There are many forms of it, but typically it is associated with an overly manipulative/altruistic relationship.

Keep in mind, though, that codependency is not a mental illness, but oftentimes the side-effect of a dysfunctional relationship. Codependency can also be found in relationships involving mentally ill people, notably with clinical depression, anti social personality disorder, etc, the list can go on. Just because you're a codependent does not mean you're mentally ill.

In this case, though, I will say that the girl was most likely, if not definitely, a pathological liar, and there's a strong chance that she possesses a mental illness of some kind.

I do agree with you, though, there is a need for educating people about functional and dysfunctional relationships. What people tend to not to get is that the only way to properly maintain and fix a relationship in most cases is proper communication, hence why people need to build effective communication skills and need to be willing to communicate to their partner, friend, family member, etc.
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Posted 8/1/15
She clearly had mental problems. She needed professional help sooner than later.

Asian parenting is something you loathe while you're experiencing it, but something you cherish in retrospect.

No matter how strict your parents are, you don't kill them. You have have quite a few nuts loose to do so.


By age 22, she had never gone to a club, been drunk, visited a friend’s cottage or gone on vacation without her family.

I honestly don't see anything abnormal with that.


In September, she pretended to attend frosh week. When it came to tuition, she doctored papers stating she was receiving an OSAP loan and convinced her dad she’d won a $3,000 scholarship.

....

In order to keep the charade from unravelling, Jennifer lied to her friends, too. She even amplified her dad’s meddling ways, telling one friend, falsely, that her father had hired a private investigator to follow her.

Something is seriously wrong here if you have to do that. IMO, she hung out with the wrong bunch of people, and with the catalyst of a stereotypical strict Asian family everything derailed. Things were out of sorts many years before it culminated into murder. Every party involved just let the disaster play out.

Actions should had been take years ago, nothing happened, and this is the result.

There is no defending Jennifer here, she deserves her prison sentence.
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Posted 8/1/15

Freddy96NO wrote:

I really think its toxic from being a child and you don't get to have resposability over yourself or your discions.
And the parents is more of a helpful "tool" and helped you fly but the rest was up to yourself to get where you want/survival/job etc.


This.
My mother was extremely controlling when I got to be in my teens and i lived with her, her abusive behavior set me aback a lot , and I feel like I have only gained the rightful freedoms I should've gained as a 16 year old, this year and the last when I started living with my father. There's a difference between restricting your kid from doing anything that possibly can progress them to become responsible independence young adults, and giving them boundaries. My mother was the former. Euuuugh.
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Posted 8/2/15
The woman is responsible for her own actions though her upbringing has failed her.

The parents might have been able to curb things getting to this by simply talking to their daughter, really listening and having constant contact with the schools she attended. Teachers tend to try to arrange student and parent meetings regularly throughout a child's academically year to discuss how things are going. Taking time and interest to do this can make everyone aware of any problems that are occurring and everyone could have worked out some solutions with her. Note I say with her and not for her.

No one gets training in how to be a parent. It's all trial and error with or without the parents using their past upbringing experiences. This woman may not have realised it but she's had many chances to change things, the big one being the time her father wanted her kicked out of the family home. Had he followed through it would have been painful but helpful for her to grow as a person. That'd be tough love. She did have some part-time jobs and some part-time accommodation so she wasn't going to end up totally homeless or without any means to support herself. She could have spent the time that she was in the library going to the local community college to fully graduate. There she'd have met others in a similar situation working on their plan Bs and get a new support network. She'd have still had a chance at uni a year or two later than originally planned if that's what she really wished. She also had could have gotten advice at college of other alternative options if she felt she'd had enough of academic study.

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Posted 8/2/15

animegirl2222 wrote: My mother was extremely controlling.
This year and the last when I started living with my father. There's a difference between restricting your kid from doing anything that possibly can progress them to become responsible independence young adults, and giving them boundaries. My mother was the former. Euuuugh.
One of the reasons that many would like to be with the mother yong age then the father.


bobland wrote:

By age 22, she had never gone to a club, been drunk, visited a friend’s cottage or gone on vacation without her family.

I honestly don't see anything abnormal with that.
Its just us being abnormal
Oh wait.. whats normal agian?



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