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Post Reply I just don't have anything to live for. (Not a Suicide Thread)
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Posted 8/10/15 , edited 8/10/15
"OP that title can't be anything but a suicide thread!"

Listen,

I have had suicidal thoughts for years.

However, I am never going to go through with it because there are people who I care about enough hatt I don't want to leave them in that kind of pain. This is not about suicide.This is about me building up reasons to live

But I myself, I'm always really close to committing suicide.

I just don't have anything to live for, I find myself wondering why do I go through life's struggles if I have nothing to live for? no goals, no dreams, no ambitions.

I always feel so lonely. I have friends but I hardly hang out with them, everytime I suggest hanging out, they never repond to me. Socializing is even harder for me because meningitis killed my right ear and I rely on a hearing aid to hear

I want friends and to find love, but I find myself surrounded by judgemental people who never want to talk to me, they just will make their judgements and move on. I have some friends, but not really close friends so I feel like I have no one I can really connect to and sharee my feelings with without seeming needy, unprofessional or inconvenient

I live with two assholes who don't really give a shit about anyone's feelings in trhe house but expect everyone around them to give all of our shits about them. Yeah, I've tried arguing with them but their two incompetent backwards little shits will always practice what I call pseudo Alpha stance, acting like they get to decide the rules and fill our ears with stupid whining. They make their 5 year old scream like he's being stabbed everytime they dicipline him (He spanks him several times.) and it's just fucking hell to live with them.

I feel like if I had friends or a lover, I would be happier because my loneliness is what makes me depressed I just need to get over this horrible habit of mine of not talking to anyone.

It's not because I'm shy, it's because back in elementary/ primary school, kids ran away when I approached them because I was weird, so eventually I had to settle with being alone and being my own company and that's how I got through school for the most part. I keep saying I'll approach people but that programmed uncertainty of whether they want me around holds me back. I try to fight it with occasional success, only for the people I talk to to not talk about anything I'm interested in. I'm starting tech school and hope to join clubs, but would like advice for getting over this uncertainty

sorry this is a long post. I just need help, I'm sorry if such threads piss people off here (Thy did on MAL) I'm pulling on strings here, trying to find a way to give my life meaning snd stop myself from finding suicide tempting. I want to find something to feel passionate about and find friends
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F / Boston-ish
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Posted 8/10/15 , edited 8/10/15

NyakoMayushii wrote:
...
sorry this is a long post. I just need help, I'm sorry if such threads piss people off here (Thy did on MAL) I'm pulling on strings here, trying to find a way to give my life meaning snd stop myself from finding suicide tempting. I never know, I may one day end up doing it after snapping wthout meaning to.


I've moved this over to our "Chit Chat" forum, since (though "Chit Chat" sounds a bit light) that's where personal threads go. Connecting with people here might help a little, but maybe some professional help would be more useful. Have you sought out counseling? It's helped me at spots when I was (not suicidal but) finding it hard to cope, and things were painful, and nothing seemed to matter much.
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Posted 8/10/15
I'd like to atleast try therapy/ counseling, but I don't have the ability I don't think to dedicate a set time to it. MAybe if a place as close to my school . . .
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16 / M / Sweden
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Posted 8/10/15
I'm not good with this kind of stuff, but i'm going to try anyway.

First of all, I think you should get a job so that you can move out from that house.

Surround yourself with people you care about (like the ones you mentioned in the beginning of the post).

I think you should continue approaching people, eventually you will find someone that respects you.

If you haven't tried already, seek help.

Is there really nothing you want to do in life ? You're still young and the possibilities are endless. Find that one thing that makes your life worth living.

You mentioned that you have some friends, even if you aren't close you should still try to talk to them about your problems, a real friend is there to support you through tough times.

I'm sorry that all of this has happened to you and i hope that your life changes for the better. I hope I was able to help you.










Posted 8/10/15
I understand a lot of what you're going through. I've been through a very similar situation myself. I even had meningitis when I was 11 and it made me lose some of my memory.

I would suggest counciling. It is the best and most productive way to help yourself over come the issues you have. It's not easy, I won't lie to you. Sometimes you'll feel worse or wanting to pack it in. But down the line, you will feel so much lighter, happier and comfortable in yourself.

Another hard thing to do is to drop the people who are "poisoning" you, so to speak. Your friends do not seem to care about you very much and you shouldn't strive to make an effort if it isn't a two way street. You need to surround yourself with people who love and care about you, who will support you no matter what. Do the best you can to get away from that house and start running your own life.

PM me if you ever need to talk about anything at all.
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Posted 8/10/15
I have a job and have a couple of friends there. I should take back what I said: Not EVERYONE there is a judgmental derp, but there are some.
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Posted 8/10/15
TLDR:

Don't kill yourself, move the fuck out that house
go to a new town, keep in contact with your family if applicable
go study a course you like
join a sports team
go to a pub on a friday or saturday
go to the movies and meet people that hang out there
join a chess club
stop talking to your housemates.
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Posted 8/10/15
As others have said, seek some help either professional or just a friend who will listen. From then just find more things to do that you enjoy and that will improve the way you view life.

As for making new friends or talking to people, not everyone is going to talk about something you enjoy talking about. Sometimes you just have to try and be a part of the conversation the best you can or have them explain it to you if you don't know what they are talking about.

may sound cliche but a life is a horrible thing to waste, it can be hard but its best to make the most out of it.

Hope I've been of some help at the least.
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26 / M / Romania
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Posted 8/10/15
At the very least, live your life just to see how it turns out.

As an alternative, be patient and accept yourself. I can understand how it's not easy, from what I saw until now, the things that were keeping me down were imaginary invisible strings that I made myself. They are very hard strings, they can't be cut easily. But you go through life, you meet people, you learn things from them.

Try to understand other people, I made friends with two assholes, well.. one is a friend, the other is just... well.. I learned to accept him, to stand up to him and now we keep teasing eachother, but not in a mean way (I'm drifting from the subject, aren't I) The point is, don't be quick to reject the assholes, sometimes the outside can be deceiving, and once you get to know them, they might turn up to be good friends.

I hope this helps, take this message and carry on! Fly!!! (ok, don't fly... seriously, humans can't fly)
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 8/10/15
I'm not going to tell you to find new accommodation because for all I know that could be telling you to do the impossible.
But I will tell you to join a club that involves getting away from the house.
make friends at the club, find something that you enjoy doing.
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21 / F
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Posted 8/10/15
Icant afford to move out right now. Gottaqa wait til I finish tech school.
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Posted 8/10/15
Since you're going to tech school, you have your future career to look forward to. To start with, you already have one goal to graduate

I think the easiest way for you to meet new friends is through your classes and any clubs that you decide to join. The main thing is to be relaxed/friendly and smile so it makes it easier for people to approach you.

Colleges usually offer counseling services on campus so you can try looking into that.

I spent most of my life being a complete loner without friends. It wasn't until a few years ago during my last year of college that I met my current friends. I still have a problem with opening up to them even now because I'm so used to bottling everything up inside and talking to other people about my feelings is still a bit strange to me.

I completely understand your uncertainty of not knowing whether other people want your company or not. I carry that train of thought with me all the time so I have to work really hard to convince myself that my friends do appreciate my company despite what my brain tells me.

I don't think being weird is a bad thing at all. Everyone's a little weird in their own way and when you meet the right people, they'll love you more for all your quirks. I have a friend who other people might call "weird" but honestly that's what I love about him. He's so comfortable in his own skin, and he's also an amazingly kind-hearted and genuine person. He's usually a happy-go-lucky person but I have seen him in his lowest moments which only makes me want to protect and care about him more.

Honestly, just go for it and approach people. When you think about it, there's nothing that you could lose even if they don't respond well. If it doesn't work out, then you didn't know them anyway so don't stress over it and at least you tried and gave it your all. I've tried to go out of my way to approach old classmates before. Most of them drifted away after a while and we stopped talking but in the special case that it does work out, like with my friend, then, it's all worth it in the end.

Sorry, I tend to get carried away when I write
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Posted 8/10/15 , edited 8/10/15
Guys, thank you so much for your support and tips. Thank you all for trying so hard to help me feel better. I will do my n best with thiss life.

I've already egan cutting ties with certain people in my life and I want to keep making decisions like that, decisions that will help me improve my mental health and confidence and I will definetly look into clubs and school counsling.
ztdz 
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17 / M / Mexico
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Posted 8/10/15 , edited 8/10/15
i dont wanna be rude by being serius you make angry i dont wanna hurt you but you are an idiot because I hate people who feel sorry for themselves you dont have probles you live in a house you have money to pay crunchyroll so stop complaining if you dont have friends is because you dont want it is because you think bad of them and dont even aproach them i have problems too but when i thing how stupid my problems are like the girl i like reject me i feel happy for those stupid problems there are people out there that will die for having your problems so the solution is to just do it like nike jajaj but for real you want friends try to get them if you don get anyone what do you lose you only try again and look for someone you dont have a boyfriend the same a friend of mine once said that he has suicidal thoughts becouse his girlfriend left him i hit him is not a joke i really hit him and he thanks me for that well im getting out of the topic so the conclusion is stop compaining and be happy i hope i doesnt hurt you but i want you to think about it



Sorry for my english
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26 / M / Houma
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Posted 8/10/15
I've had that creeping doubt always lingering in the past and I've tried many ways of dealing with it. In the end I overcame it by NOT accepting myself and changing for what I perceived to be better. It's hard to get started, change is never easy, but in the end the confidence it instills is a wonderful thing. I now live to never stop improving. There will be failures, but you just have to keep driving forward anyway.
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