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Can you date somebody who is narcissistic or possessive of you ?
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Posted 9/28/15
I don't care about vanity but mental level narcissism to the point of disorder would be at least a possible "no", i would find it easier to deal with than the latter. It depends on the kind. If it's just sheer vanity and not the "mental disorder" kind of narcissism, then maybe..

Possessiveness however especially to extreme extent would probably be the major dealbreaker. A lot of my mom's creepy ex-boyfriends were possessive and stalked her, skulked around her workplace, sending her creepy gifts and messages, etc, they were extremely, extremely obsessive towards her, and I don't want a person like that in my life.
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Posted 9/28/15
For narcissism, it depends what kind. I don't mind a self-interested attitude, but an overabundance of confidence makes a person annoying to me. I'm weak to volitional pressure, so I don't like being around those who are good at exerting it, and I tend not to like people who can't see other people's point of view on things. So, narcissism of the "you won't change me" variety is perfectly fine - in fact, I find it attractive - but narcissism of the "I'll change you" variety is what would colloquially be referred to as a deal-breaker for me.

As for possessiveness, I can handle a little, but not too much. I don't mind people trying to get me in on activities, but I like time to myself too, and I can't see that being any different with a girlfriend than with the people in my life currently. I don't want to be dragged around all the time, nor do I want to be kept from maintaining my outside social circle. That said, expecting me not to flirt with other girls and to deflect any advances on me is perfectly reasonable and not in any way chafing - as long as she eventually is able to trust that I always will, and doesn't get suspicious whenever I'm around women.

So, on a scale of one to ten, here's my attempt to rate my tolerance level.

Narcissism (Passive): 6
Narcissism (Active): 1
Possessiveness: 4
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Posted 9/28/15 , edited 9/28/15
Narcassist 1

Possessive 10/10

I would love my girlfriend to follow me around everywhere i guess im weird

My Girlfriend won me over by being possessive and jealous towards me talking to other girls haha
Girls who never will take there eye of you are the best as i know no one will cheat ^^
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 9/28/15

animegirl2222 wrote:

I don't care about vanity but mental level narcissism to the point of disorder would be at least a possible "no", i would find it easier to deal with than the latter. It depends on the kind. If it's just sheer vanity and not the "mental disorder" kind of narcissism, then maybe..

Possessiveness however especially to extreme extent would probably be the major dealbreaker. A lot of my mom's creepy ex-boyfriends were possessive and stalked her, skulked around her workplace, sending her creepy gifts and messages, etc, they were extremely, extremely obsessive towards her, and I don't want a person like that in my life.



Possessive and stalking a great mix if you are dating the person!.

A stranger....not so much.
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Posted 9/28/15
Hmmmm....... I'm not one for narcissism when I look for a future partner... I don't want a gf who's like the Riddler and is a complete narcissist XD although the possessiveness wouldn't be too bad in moderation...
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Posted 9/28/15

Awaken_Riceball_ wrote:

1 for both because I refuse to deal those types of people; for example, I was at a Filipino party at my parent's house, and there were new guests. I introduced myself to the new guests and enjoyed conversations among them. There was one young Filipina (Girl) who was two years younger than me that took it to far by clinging onto me and looking into my eyes like I was "THE ONE AND ONLY ONE." I guess the conversations we had took it straight to the heart for her. The embarrassing moments were when my parents and friends saw what she was doing making me uncomfortable; however I laughed along keep the party atmosphere.
Anyways, when she went to the bathroom, I quickly left the party and told my friends to meet me at a local bar. I never saw her again. Thanks god.

This song perfectly describes my inner emotions during that time frame:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g


Inb4 many guys become jealous and say you ruined an opportunity e.e
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Posted 9/28/15 , edited 9/28/15

Ryulightorb wrote:


animegirl2222 wrote:

I don't care about vanity but mental level narcissism to the point of disorder would be at least a possible "no", i would find it easier to deal with than the latter. It depends on the kind. If it's just sheer vanity and not the "mental disorder" kind of narcissism, then maybe..

Possessiveness however especially to extreme extent would probably be the major dealbreaker. A lot of my mom's creepy ex-boyfriends were possessive and stalked her, skulked around her workplace, sending her creepy gifts and messages, etc, they were extremely, extremely obsessive towards her, and I don't want a person like that in my life.



Possessive and stalking a great mix if you are dating the person!.

A stranger....not so much.


One of them sent roses to my her workplace multiple times. Pretty big bundles too. She'd stopped dating him by that point, which is what made it so creepy. What made it creepier is that she kept them because ZOMG free flowers (though to be fair she's mentally ill in some way herself, so she has.... issues.... she refuses to admit to having...), me and my sister were basically suppressing the urge to gag at that, because she was even dating another guy at the time... and completely disregarded the fact that stalker ex sent her flowers because she found the flowers to be visually appealing....


One of the others constantly texted her in extreme detail about the weather.


The former came around multiple times and made me and my sister uncomfortable, to the point where we both complained (again, prior to me moving out). The last time he came over I couldn't even look at his face because I wanted to punch it. At least he hasn't come around since then that I can gather but if she lets him back into her life she's in for a world of pain. He's a pathetic worm, that one.

The latter was a sociopath or something, literally. He kept obsessive amounts of memorabilia from high school, back when they originally dated. At first it seemed cute because he had a few items, on the surface, but he actually had a ton of them stashed in some kind of shrine of sorts. NOooooooooooooope.

I mean she's brought a pretty limited set around me and my sister (back when I still lived w/ her) but some of the ones she brought around us ended up being the crazies.

And then there was the guy who stole $2000 from her when she was sick and relying on him to take care of her cuz she'd had a seizure a few months before. Now he was just a piece of work, not exactly a psychopath, just a piece of work.

I have a lot of adversity towards my mother because she caused me a ten year long mental agony, but at the same time even I think the cards that have been dealt to her have been unfair. She may not be a good person, but she is an ill person, she does not deserve to deal with these kinds of scumbags. I am very lucky that most of them are behind me and hopefully behind her, but that does not mean they did not make a stain on my memory. I am at least grateful she never dated a molester. That would have shattered me completely. Long before i actually ended up shattering so much mentally that I couldn't live in her house anymore. But yeah, as awful a person as she can be, I do not think she deserved those sores in her life, moreover, because they also affected me and my sister and made us feel a fair amount of distrust towards elder men who weren't our father. I spent a while being needlessly afraid of older men because of that, and I feel like that distrust made me more bitter and hateful, eventually developing to the point of where I became near radical feminist a couple years ago. I don't hate guys like that anymore. Thank god I've realized they are not all like that handful..
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Posted 9/28/15

    I can't tolerate narcissism.

    A little jealously is healthy for a relationship, I think. It lets you know the other person still cares. I'd probably deal with a five (I'm assuming this is somewhere around the "Why do you talk to that guy so much?" level.)


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Posted 9/29/15
Some narcissism is unlikely to be a problem per se, though I imagine there's a point at which it could become annoying. Would depend probably on how otherwise in tune we were with each other. I really wouldn't want to deal with someone who had no consideration at all for others, or for me.

Possessiveness. I have a very, very low tolerance for this. Zero possessiveness is pretty ideal actually, but it there were a teeny-tiny bit, it's probably okay depending on how they act on it.
Posted 9/29/15
Narcissistic, probably not because I can't handle cocky people very well. They just sap what little social energy I have and expect more from me. Anxiety, depressed, timid and shy. I'd rather just hide in my hoodie and pretend I'm asleep than try opening up to them.

Possessive, well, I'm a very possessive person at heart. So I expect the desire to be returned. And it usually is. But I still get jealous or paranoid sometimes.
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Posted 9/29/15 , edited 9/29/15
Narcissism: 4
Possessiveness: 7

Possessiveness is fine if you're given simple freedoms, I really shouldn't be commenting since I've got no prior experience but w/e.
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 9/29/15
You can date someone like that but the relationship will turn out bad.
Posted 9/29/15 , edited 9/29/15
Possessive? Sure. I can deal with a person like that in a rational manner.

Narcissistic?

"My self-esteem is extremely low, but when I end up in a relationship I begin to gain some self-esteem, for once, which is why I become so stupid in a relationship, such as flirting with other people (harmlessly), even in front of my partner. In fact, especially in front of my partner, because then it won't be behind their back and it won't look like I'm cheating, which I'm not, and since I do it so obviously in front of them, then they should understand that I'm not trying to cheat on them either. Besides, they shouldn't question my intentions. If all they do is see me as a wicked person who would hurt them, then they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking such mean things about me. I should be allowed to feel some self-esteem for once, I should be allowed to have some fun, I should be allowed to be happy, why are you trying to make me feel sad? Why are you trying to take away my fun? Why are you trying to rob me of my self-esteem? Rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, rationalize, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, gaslight, my ridiculously stupid non-harmonic destructive nonsensical anti-social behavior in order to do whatever I want and get away with it as the person on the moral high horse."

Nope. I would stab a person like that and not feel any remorse what so ever. They are repulsive.
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Posted 9/29/15 , edited 9/29/15

Ryulightorb wrote:
Inb4 many guys become jealous and say you ruined an opportunity e.e

If I had been there when young and single I most certainly would have taken the opportunity.


To get to know her better.
I would have been like a month drawn to the flame. A cute, possessive Filipino would have hit all my weak points.

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Posted 9/29/15
I did have a relationship with someone who had both those traits. Do not recommend. while some possessiveness is healthy to a certain extent narcissism is a deal breaker for me. not to mention that would be completely opposite of my personality
Posted 9/29/15
i don't like drama but i am possessive in that i might move my family to the middle of nowhere lol and we are definitely going to die together haha
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