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Post Reply Does Having Sex Ultimately Symbolize a Couple's Intimacy?
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Posted 10/7/15 , edited 10/7/15

anti-freeze wrote:


Friend = someone I talk to but don't go into real depth with and won't allow to see certain parts of myself.
Partner (or as you put it "mate") = someone I talk to and trust with even the parts of myself I don't want to talk about.
Though for me an ideal partner starts out as a friend and becomes a partner due to time and trust shown.

If sex were truly a step further then I guess one night stands are deep things /sarcasm. For me someone showing I can trust them or depend on them in situations goes further in progressing a relationship than sex ever would. My most vulnerable place isn't my bed, its being allowed (so to speak) into my head and trust; my bed is just my bed. It takes far more of my trust and devotion to let myself care about someone and be willing to not put up a front around them, than it does for sex because emotional bonds are far more dangerous than physical ones imo.

As for this

I personally feel that even if one person in the relationship does not want to have sex he or she should still put out regularly enough to keep their partner satisfied.


I can't disagree enough, no one is obligated to have sex with anyone else. If one person doesn't feel satisfied then they can bring it up to the other and talk it over or break it off to pursue someone else. If you want to have sex and the other party doesn't (out of some sense of obligation) but you proceed anyway then as far as I'm concerned you've stepped into rape territory regardless of relationship status.

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Posted 10/7/15

xCrimsonEX wrote:


anti-freeze wrote:


Friend = someone I talk to but don't go into real depth with and won't allow to see certain parts of myself.
Partner (or as you put it "mate") = someone I talk to and trust with even the parts of myself I don't want to talk about.
Though for me an ideal partner starts out as a friend and becomes a partner due to time and trust shown.

If sex were truly a step further then I guess one night stands are deep things /sarcasm. For me someone showing I can trust them or depend on them in situations goes further in progressing a relationship than sex ever would. My most vulnerable place isn't my bed, its being allowed (so to speak) into my head and trust; my bed is just my bed. It takes far more of my trust and devotion to let myself care about someone and be willing to not put up a front around them, than it does for sex because emotional bonds are far more dangerous than physical ones imo.

As for this

I personally feel that even if one person in the relationship does not want to have sex he or she should still put out regularly enough to keep their partner satisfied.


I can't disagree enough, no one is obligated to have sex with anyone else. If one person doesn't feel satisfied then they can bring it up to the other and talk it over or break it off to pursue someone else. If you want to have sex and the other party doesn't (out of some sense of obligation) but you proceed anyway then as far as I'm concerned you've stepped into rape territory regardless of relationship status.


Rape bro your speaking a different language
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Posted 10/7/15 , edited 10/7/15

nanikore2 wrote:


scoobydew wrote:

I get what the OP is asking and I would say yes if your in a marriage. I was married for almost 18 years and people change over time, priorities change you might start a family or someone might get an illness all part of the commitment. Being in a relationship without sex is like a friendship and having a roommate. In my humble opinion if you stop having sex then its only a matter of time before the relationship will change or evolve and the commitment will be over. I am still friends with my ex-wife she is like a relative and the mother of my son but the sexual attraction not happening any more.


A relationship based on largely just sexual attraction is asking for trouble... People aren't gonna stay physically attractive forever




    I don't think he's talking about a relationship initially based around sex, he's talking about the lack of later in the relationship leading to it's destruction. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree. A lack of physical attraction can key you into the fact that there is a serious problem. Anyone who's ended a long term relationship will tell you this. I'm not suggesting that there aren't other variables like terminal illness or hormone imbalances due to medication that can't contribute, but in that case our story changes. Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.


    To answer OP's question, no, but it's an important part of intimacy and the development of your relationship for most people (I needn't elaborate the many circumstances that make up the exception to this.)
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Posted 10/7/15
Virgin passing through

and yes it does

I'm out

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Posted 10/7/15 , edited 10/7/15

ayaundwolf wrote:


nanikore2 wrote:


A relationship based on largely just sexual attraction is asking for trouble... People aren't gonna stay physically attractive forever




    I don't think he's talking about a relationship initially based around sex, he's talking about the lack of later in the relationship leading to it's destruction. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree. A lack of physical attraction can key you into the fact that there is a serious problem. Anyone who's ended a long term relationship will tell you this. I'm not suggesting that there aren't other variables like terminal illness or hormone imbalances due to medication that can't contribute, but in that case our story changes. Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.


    To answer OP's question, no, but it's an important part of intimacy and the development of your relationship for most people (I needn't elaborate the many circumstances that make up the exception to this.)


Then I would just have to heartily disagree, because "till death do us part" doesn't mean "till you're not attractive anymore do us part". Maybe vows don't mean much to some people but it means everything to others. I'm going to love my wife because she's my wife, not because she's still going to be attractive or healthy at 80. That's commitment.

I did try telling people what love actually is, and they didn't like it. That's perfectly okay, because they didn't have to like it. http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-840079/what-love-is
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Posted 10/7/15

nanikore2 wrote:


ayaundwolf wrote:


nanikore2 wrote:


A relationship based on largely just sexual attraction is asking for trouble... People aren't gonna stay physically attractive forever




    I don't think he's talking about a relationship initially based around sex, he's talking about the lack of later in the relationship leading to it's destruction. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree. A lack of physical attraction can key you into the fact that there is a serious problem. Anyone who's ended a long term relationship will tell you this. I'm not suggesting that there aren't other variables like terminal illness or hormone imbalances due to medication that can't contribute, but in that case our story changes. Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.


    To answer OP's question, no, but it's an important part of intimacy and the development of your relationship for most people (I needn't elaborate the many circumstances that make up the exception to this.)


Then I would just have to heartily disagree, because "till death do us part" doesn't mean "till you're not attractive anymore do us part". Maybe vows don't mean much to some people but it means everything to others. I'm going to love my wife because she's my wife, not because she's still going to be attractive or healthy at 80. That's commitment.


I understand but it takes 2 people to make a commitment work been there did it for 18 years. I like your attitude being positive is good thing I am not bitter or resentful its more about perspective for today
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Posted 10/7/15

scoobydew wrote:

I understand but it takes 2 people to make a commitment work been there did it for 18 years. I like your attitude being positive is good thing I am not bitter or resentful its more about perspective for today


Completely true, two people have to stick it out together- Can't have just one pulling the wagon.
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Posted 10/7/15

alicia-m wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


alicia-m wrote:


4uD3ar wrote:

As long as both parties are mutual and happy they can do what they find fit. I don't think you need sex while in love, but nothing is wrong with doing it either.


I would think it would be highly difficult to maintain a healthy relationship over the long-term without it. It is probably more fair to say "a small percentage of people can completely last without it."

I mean...yeah. I'd bet that for most of us you're kidding yourself if you think you can go 100% without it and still be happily together for your lives. Is it absolutely required? No, I'd agree it's not, but it really does help you build your relationship and keep yourselves together.



I could easily go without sex due to the fact i have low testosterone and next to no sex drive.

Honestly i could happily go without sex and have for many relationships even though most of them only lasted 3 years due to them cheating -.-

I think people put to much emphasis into sex as a whole it's easy to go without it and if you can't keep your relationship together and keep yourselves together and happy without sex then ...i'm sad to say it but you should just move on.


And you clearly didn't read anything in my post. You are among the minority who can go without it, congratulations you are officially unique in ways that are not really unique at all.

smh.


I did but i'm just saying if sex is what's holding your relationship together it's not a good relationship whether you can go without sex or not.
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Posted 10/7/15

nanikore2 wrote:


ayaundwolf wrote:


nanikore2 wrote:


A relationship based on largely just sexual attraction is asking for trouble... People aren't gonna stay physically attractive forever




    I don't think he's talking about a relationship initially based around sex, he's talking about the lack of later in the relationship leading to it's destruction. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree. A lack of physical attraction can key you into the fact that there is a serious problem. Anyone who's ended a long term relationship will tell you this. I'm not suggesting that there aren't other variables like terminal illness or hormone imbalances due to medication that can't contribute, but in that case our story changes. Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.


    To answer OP's question, no, but it's an important part of intimacy and the development of your relationship for most people (I needn't elaborate the many circumstances that make up the exception to this.)


Then I would just have to heartily disagree, because "till death do us part" doesn't mean "till you're not attractive anymore do us part". Maybe vows don't mean much to some people but it means everything to others. I'm going to love my wife because she's my wife, not because she's still going to be attractive or healthy at 80. That's commitment.

I did try telling people what love actually is, and they didn't like it. That's perfectly okay, because they didn't have to like it. http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-840079/what-love-is



I have a only seen a picture of my girlfriend since we are in an LDR but i love her and personally if it wasn't for me being emotionally attracted to her i would not have found her attractive.

I never did i only started seeing her as attractive as she won me over with her personality.

Physical attraction is not important imo.
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Posted 10/7/15

ayaundwolf wrote:


nanikore2 wrote:


scoobydew wrote:

I get what the OP is asking and I would say yes if your in a marriage. I was married for almost 18 years and people change over time, priorities change you might start a family or someone might get an illness all part of the commitment. Being in a relationship without sex is like a friendship and having a roommate. In my humble opinion if you stop having sex then its only a matter of time before the relationship will change or evolve and the commitment will be over. I am still friends with my ex-wife she is like a relative and the mother of my son but the sexual attraction not happening any more.


A relationship based on largely just sexual attraction is asking for trouble... People aren't gonna stay physically attractive forever




    I don't think he's talking about a relationship initially based around sex, he's talking about the lack of later in the relationship leading to it's destruction. In that case, I wholeheartedly agree. A lack of physical attraction can key you into the fact that there is a serious problem. Anyone who's ended a long term relationship will tell you this. I'm not suggesting that there aren't other variables like terminal illness or hormone imbalances due to medication that can't contribute, but in that case our story changes. Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.


    To answer OP's question, no, but it's an important part of intimacy and the development of your relationship for most people (I needn't elaborate the many circumstances that make up the exception to this.)



I can never fathom why physical attraction or sex is important to a relationship.

I must be the minority as i don't need either i just need trust and emotional bonding and to be that persons one and only myself.
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Posted 10/7/15 , edited 10/7/15




    Let me reiterate that I did say

    Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.
    I don't need someone to lecture me about love and the sacrifices you make for it, I was married. And as far as I'm concerned, the definition of love is a subjective thing. What do I think love is? The uncompromising and indefinite care you have for someone. That person that comes even before yourself, and whom you share everything with unconditionally. I personally believe that love stems from an emotional place, not a physical one, and that sex is just another part of that encompassing feeling of wanting to be wholly united with someone. I'm fairly sure that I specified that sex is just part of a relationship. I'll continue to think that intimacy in the form of physical contact is important, because it is. It goes without saying that after being with someone for so many years that lust just isn't a factor anymore, so no, I don't expect you to be having sex with you're eighty, seventy, sixty, fifty, or even now, but I'll be beating a dead horse if I have to restate it again.





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Posted 10/7/15



    Then I'm envious of you. There are, no doubt, other people like you. I don't need sex to know that I love someone either, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't an important part of my relationship.




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Posted 10/7/15
I think it should.
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56 / M / Canada
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Posted 10/7/15
having had a spinal injury and not having sex for 6 months . I learned to be intimate in other ways a simple touch can be intimate if you know the other person. So a one night stand may be enjoyable there isn't much intimacy . Intimacy is learned by contact with the same person over a period of time and not just one simple round of sex. Oh and yes I am married for the past 35 years . Religion also has nothing to do with it either it's what you make of it in your own mind !

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Posted 10/7/15

ayaundwolf wrote:

Let me reiterate that I did say

Of course, after so many years it's a bit lackluster, but if your sex drive completely dissipates and it's only been a few years, I would say there are some things you and your partner need to discuss to avoid an inevitable end.
I don't need someone to lecture me about love and the sacrifices you make for it, I was married. And as far as I'm concerned, the definition of love is a subjective thing. What do I think love is? The uncompromising and indefinite care you have for someone. That person that comes even before yourself, and whom you share everything with unconditionally. I personally believe that love stems from an emotional place, not a physical one, and that sex is just another part of that encompassing feeling of wanting to be wholly united with someone. I'm fairly sure that I specified that sex is just part of a relationship. I'll continue to think that intimacy in the form of physical contact is important, because it is. It goes without saying that after being with someone for so many years that lust just isn't a factor anymore, so no, I don't expect you to be having sex with you're eighty, seventy, sixty, fifty, or even now, but I'll be beating a dead horse if I have to restate it again.







Yes, the uncompromising and indefinite care you have for someone, with or without sex.

It's not "till without sex do we part" either.

The above have zero conflict with anything that I've said so far.
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