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everything has dulled over the years.
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24 / M / florida
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Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
I am 23, but i have a confession.

everything has this feeling of absence, it is almost as if things have been becoming more and more dull.
I don't mean that as in life has gotten boring, it may have but that is not my meaning.
When i eat something, it is less savory.
when i sleep i never feel rested.
when i watch a good movie i don't feel satisfied.
I know this may sound strange, but even my skin feels less present.
I believe my for pain has dulled, as well as my ability to feel pleasure.
is this normal, to feel life dull? to feel less as you grow older?

will it get worse? I am afraid my feelings are going away slowly and i don't know what i can do to get them back....

i went through a period of "substance abuse" from 18- about 6 months ago, at first i felt like i was getting my feelings back, but now..... now i don't feel much of anything.... I only smoked weed for the last year of that abuse but i did all sorts of psychedelics before that... i guess I'm trying to reach a hand out here from someone a bit older, if this is normal, if maybe the load i put on my body was so much overloading on my sensory that it just dulled everything without, i REFUSE to give back in to that lifestyle mind you, but i am scared, far more scared of a life with continued loss of emotion and sense of feeling. I guess I'm asking if anyone has gone through this and if they ever got any of it back ?

can anyone relate to this?

and i wont say that weed is bad or evil, that is not what i am claiming when i say abuse, you can abuse video games or coffee. i clearly if i put the figures down was abusing and using to escape.
Posted 10/9/15
You burned out many of your receptors. You shouldn't have abused drugs.
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24 / M / florida
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Posted 10/9/15
great to hear, real motivational. I'll remember that in the past. thanks.
good to hear from a 15 year old who didn't live my life, while there is no excuse, there is no excuse for shaming someone who lives in shame.
Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
It's normal, and not much to do with substance abuse. Part of growing up. Life sucks and we all pretend otherwise. No such thing as real happiness. Drudging along until we die empty, unfulfilled and forgotten.
But if you pretend enough you might get to be a bit happy every now and again.
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22 / F
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Posted 10/9/15
sometimes I feel that way, I just give myself goals, a lot which are stupid lol,
like, finishing a book by the end of the week
finishing a certain game or getting an achievement - on xbox-
it at least gives me something to do
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36 / M / US
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Posted 10/9/15
Welcome to depression, its unfortunately normal. Seek a professional and get some medication, seek another professional to talk to.

Otherwise you will become more depressed and cynical. Too many of us ignore this until its destroyed everything around us.

Also know that fixing it will take time, there is no magical cure, trust me I've looked for it.

Good luck.
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26 / M / Houma
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Posted 10/9/15
I too think that sounds like depression. I've hit that low before and can say that you can really only pull yourself out initially by breaking habits and forcing against your own will an annoyingly positive mindset. If you do it long enough that mindset will become real... maybe.
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M
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Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
I also echo MattMiller, probably a depression (there's several kinds, most of them manageable). You may have had symptoms all along, leading to your original self-medication.

20 years ago it would have been tough to get treatment, but now most normal physicians can address routine depression with you as a normal malady. Nothing to be scared about, it's just another thing.

EDIT: With even minor treatment, it may even go away. Could be related to your still "coming down."
Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
Sounds normal to me, I think most people go through times where they feel like this, I know I have and still do, it's all just a part of being human I guess. If anything your lifestyle might be a factor of great influence.

If we neglect the basic things in our lives like how we:
Eat (are we eating foods that are actually nourishing us? or are we eating crap?)
Sleep (are we sleeping when we feel sleepy? or are we forcing ourselves to stay awake?)
Move (are we actually moving about through our day? or are we just sitting down most of the day?)
Function in our relationships (are we content/happy with the relationships we have? not just other people but ourselves and beyond?)
We're probably gonna feel shitty or numb in your case if were not tending to ourselves in these areas of our life.

Perhaps we want to suffer as punishment for what we did in a way making amends with ourselves and that's why we feel the way we do, not saying that that's what your going through but it's what I've experience and what I've seen in others.

If anything what have you learned about yourself from feeling this way?

Also it probably has nothing to do with your drug history your just over thinking that part, though others might disagree me with preconceived notions on how drugs work on our brain chemistry and the fact that you stated that after you stopped doing the harder stuff you felt fine, seems to me that if the only thing you've been doing recently is smoking weed that's not gonna cause you to fell how you feel now.
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20 / Cold and High
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Posted 10/9/15
if you can push yourself into other habbits maybe good, so finding a hobby of sorts.
Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
Humans are social animals. The less external stimuli you get, due to escaping into fantasy worlds like that of games, comics, movies/anime, or even porn, meaning a lack of interaction with other humans, or absence from human emotional contact, the less material you have to build on in your internal landscape. In other words, boredom is caused by a lack of imagination, which in turn is caused by social and/or emotional isolation, and the more isolated you become, the more your brain kicks you in the ass and tells you to get out and open up to people, albeit in the most inconceivable ways, such as through intrusive thoughts (compulsions).

Hope that helps. I might have written it in a really confusing way. I've for some reason stopped caring about making myself comprehensible to other people the past couple of years.
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52 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 10/9/15
I feel like OP has notice his feelings and surroundings which is a good sign 23 years young still can turn things around. Sometime you need to hit the bottom to push off and go upwards
Sogno- 
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Posted 10/9/15
polish up that silver son
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Posted 10/9/15 , edited 10/9/15
I wouldn't worry too much about the drugs. Sure you can burn yourself out but you will bounce back. If you only quit 6 months ago you probably still need time to adjust. I smoked every day for 10+ years, and it took about a year before I was 100% comfortable being sober all the time. I was also much older than you when I quit. Sometimes I still think how much easier it was to live like that, but it has gotten much better.

As others have suggested you need to get out and and have a healthy social life.

Find something to get excited about. For me it was travel. I travel all the time now and I'm always looking forward to the next trip.

If you really feel like you can't cope see a shrink. There is no shame in it. You might have things you need to work out, and having someone to help you work through it can be good.
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M / Hyrule
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Posted 10/9/15
It probably won't get any better, you might get a day or two, but that's it. How long have you been numb? A few days? Months? Years? I've been numb years... then i found a ray of hope and it just got snuffed out. I haven't touched any drugs or anything... maybe i should, i don't know anymore. I just wish i was happy. And medicine and stuff like that, it's expensive and i don't want any nasty side effects that make me worse... i just want to be happy like now. I know what could make me happy, but i'll never get it. I never have. Everyone is so fake and i'm just so tired. I don't care anymore... i can't even get the motivation to do drugs, i can barely type this. I got a stress ball, i carry it with me everywhere, i guess that helps. Try that i guess. It won't make you feel anything, but it will prevent you from getting extremely sad, angry, or upset in any way. At least it does for me. Not happy though.... Maybe music. Sometimes music helps... i don't know... i'm younger than you. I have no good advice...
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