Problem with Lying.
Posted 10/16/15
So, I'll try to make this short to begin and elaborate if needed later.

I have a history with lying.
My parents are very strict people- so much so that they cannot let kids be kids. So I had to lie a lot to avoid getting beat with a belt.
My friendships and relationships in my earlier years were very unstable. I made a lot of manipulative and dramatic and shitty people my friends. And so I felt I had to lie to avoid getting hurt among them. (Luckily, they are no longer my friends.)

I have been living with a guy for about 4 years now. And I have been trying to stop lying for him. I have no reason to now. And big lies don't happen...but small lies happen all the time. Like how "I'm fine" when I'm actually feeling kinda sick. When he asks if its okay to invite someone over late at night to hangout and I know I have to get up at 8AM. See, I'm never trying to be malicious when I lie, I just feel like if I don't, I'm somehow worse of a person by making him worry or denying his fun. I don't care much about myself- I can cope with any negative thing in my life. But I never want him to have to cope..

But he wants me to trust him and tell him anything. Is there some experiences you guys have had with this or any steps I can take to avoid lying? Anything helps. Thank you.
10627 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
31 / M
Posted 10/16/15 , edited 10/16/15
Oh, this is tough. I'm not even sure being completely honest is for the best.

I'm brutally honest almost always, and I get called an asshole all of the time.

Not trying to be an asshole, but when you are talking about someone I don't know for five minutes straight, there is only so much I can take before I tell you I just don't care or want to hear it. (Gets me in trouble a LOT)
Posted 10/16/15
Honestly I find telling the truth to no ends awfully boring, leaving little mystery in a relationship. As for the little lies your putting too much strain on yourself trying to not lie and probably not really realistic. It's human nature to lie, just because you use to lie in the past and hated it doesn't mean it's always wrong to lie. Also your partner probably isn't weak enough to get hurt with you setting some boundries if anything he'll probably respect you more for doing so if you explain why it is you feel that way in a sincere manor.
19154 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / Puerto Rico
Posted 10/17/15
As long as you don't lie to your significant other about big things, small lies are chump change. We all do it and, given the circumstances, it's necessary to do so.

There is one thing that I want to point out: your SO asking if he can bring someone to your place and you need to wake up early, ask him to leave at a certain hour - no excuses. Should they need more bonding time, they can go out. It's inconsiderate of him to ignore that you need to wake up early and he should respect that.
Posted 10/18/15
Did you think about the scenario where your SO makes plans around one of your lies?
You're just going to have to go out of your comfort zone for this one.
Sailor Candy Moderator
220108 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Posted 9/14/16
OP Nuked. Locked.
You must be logged in to post.