First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Post Reply I come to ask you guys at crunchyroll for some advice
3326 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Germany
Offline
Posted 10/17/15
Feeling comfortable at reddit
^there's your problem.
22653 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / USA
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15
Pick your ass off of the floor. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower


Ryulightorb wrote:
[...] i have Aspergers so i have 0 social skills and offend people when i try to make normal conversation

[...] who i still love and care for but we broke up for my sake

[...] I just realized i can't cope or function in a relationship because of the damage that has been done to me psychologically.

[...] because i feel ruined like i will never be able to have a relationship like i used to before again.


You can't be in a relationship with that attitude of yours. The only thing you will do is attract shitty women or ruin the relationship yourself. A relationship will not fix you. You have to fix yourself before you go trying to have a meaningful relationship and throw your problems onto it. You will always have a dependence on your relationship doing so and it's completely unhealthy.

You are absolutely insecure and that's why you lie and allow others to change you. Fix your confidence and it will allow you to be independent in a relationship (want vs need) instead of leeching off others to fix you or make you feel better.

Fuck, even the psychologist can't fix you. No one can fix you but you. They can just show you how, and the rest is up to you.

I could sit here and coddle you but the truth is, it doesn't help you. You've been getting support for a while, so unless someone gives you a rude slap of 'get your shit fucking together' you won't be getting anywhere.

Is it easy? No. Fucking of course not. You can continue to let people pat you on the back and drag you around because you refuse to stand yourself or you can actually do something about it.

“I would die for you. But I won't live for you.” - Perks of Being a Wallflower

You are attempting to live off other people, and not for yourself. So long as you do that you won't ever, ever, have a working relationship.

You are not 'mentally scarred', because scarred gives you the impression that you can't help it. That it's permanent. So long as you think that way, you won't be fixing anything on your own.

You ask how to get over your fears and your paranoia. I tell you that your problem isn't in your fear, it's your dependence on other people, because you don't find value in yourself. You need them instead of want. Without them you seem to think you have nothing so it freaks you the fuck out. The fear is a result of the lack of value you find in yourself and your life. It creates that drive of desperation to cling onto them until your nails dig into their skin. You're aware of this, but you don't seem to be aware of what's causing it.



Meh, a good book to read is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I recommend that book to nearly anyone.
48423 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / AZ
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15

PeripheralVisionary wrote:


I wasn't noticed...


I noticed you onii-chan
6407 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F / Hotel California
Offline
Posted 10/17/15

PeripheralVisionary wrote:


I wasn't noticed...


There There... You did good PV

10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15
As someone who has dealt with almost the exact same thing you are going through... Going to give you a few pieces of advice.

1.) Therapy does help to a degree. Go talk to professionals. They can definitely help you out. :)

2.) Realize that what these women have done to you is not because of who you are as a person. If anything in this is your responsibility, it is your choice in women. How these women have decided to treat you should in no way reflect your value. And if it happens again, in the future, it isn't that you did anything wrong, it is still them. This will help to stop being so afraid, but it is a hard thing to make yourself believe, sometimes.

3.) Start being more careful and assertive with who you want to date. I found that I fell into that trap because I was letting women pick me, rather than picking them. The type of women who go after guys + plus me, the kind of guy they were going after = the women usually not being too nice. Not saying that is your situation, but find out what's going wrong to put you in these relationships to begin with and CHANGE it.
That's what I did. I'm about 95% recovered from my past, because of the success I have had.

4.) Force yourself to realize one truth: No matter what has happened in your past... that is no reason to make assumptions about future partners and unfairly treat them a certain way because of it. Decide to only treat your future partners based on their own behavior. You wouldn't want someone treating you poorly because their previous partner made a mistake.


I am sure there are other things... but this is what has helped me. I hope it helps you.
Posted 10/17/15


^This is remarkably well put, PrinceJudar your F-ing awesome.
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15

ChaoticRuins wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:


I wasn't noticed...


There There... You did good PV


You noticed me...OH GOD YOU NOTICED ME!





HuastecoOtaku wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:


I wasn't noticed...


I noticed you onii-chan


I noticed you too Kirino...

27244 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15
^Oh my god lol

Posted 10/17/15
Have you tried turning it off and on again.
22653 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / USA
Offline
Posted 10/17/15

potentsativa wrote:

^This is remarkably well put, PrinceJudar your F-ing awesome.


Flattered <3



20739 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15

PrinceJudar wrote:

Pick your ass off of the floor. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower


Ryulightorb wrote:
[...] i have Aspergers so i have 0 social skills and offend people when i try to make normal conversation

[...] who i still love and care for but we broke up for my sake

[...] I just realized i can't cope or function in a relationship because of the damage that has been done to me psychologically.

[...] because i feel ruined like i will never be able to have a relationship like i used to before again.


You can't be in a relationship with that attitude of yours. The only thing you will do is attract shitty women or ruin the relationship yourself. A relationship will not fix you. You have to fix yourself before you go trying to have a meaningful relationship and throw your problems onto it. You will always have a dependence on your relationship doing so and it's completely unhealthy.

You are absolutely insecure and that's why you lie and allow others to change you. Fix your confidence and it will allow you to be independent in a relationship (want vs need) instead of leeching off others to fix you or make you feel better.

Fuck, even the psychologist can't fix you. No one can fix you but you. They can just show you how, and the rest is up to you.

I could sit here and coddle you but the truth is, it doesn't help you. You've been getting support for a while, so unless someone gives you a rude slap of 'get your shit fucking together' you won't be getting anywhere.

Is it easy? No. Fucking of course not. You can continue to let people pat you on the back and drag you around because you refuse to stand yourself or you can actually do something about it.

“I would die for you. But I won't live for you.” - Perks of Being a Wallflower

You are attempting to live off other people, and not for yourself. So long as you do that you won't ever, ever, have a working relationship.

You are not 'mentally scarred', because scarred gives you the impression that you can't help it. That it's permanent. So long as you think that way, you won't be fixing anything on your own.

You ask how to get over your fears and your paranoia. I tell you that your problem isn't in your fear, it's your dependence on other people, because you don't find value in yourself. You need them instead of want. Without them you seem to think you have nothing so it freaks you the fuck out. The fear is a result of the lack of value you find in yourself and your life. It creates that drive of desperation to cling onto them until your nails dig into their skin. You're aware of this, but you don't seem to be aware of what's causing it.



Meh, a good book to read is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I recommend that book to nearly anyone.



you make a good point.

Though i'm not sure how to fix my confidence at this stage i always hear "you have to fix yourself first" but i have no clue where to start as i don't know what's wrong with me or what needs fixing.

I'm comfortable with who i am and i love myself.
I do feel value in myself however i realize as an individual i can only do so much.

My problem is i don't know what's wrong with me as i love myself i try to fix myself and nothing ever works.

but you are right and i'm trying to get over my fears and stuff but to be honest i don't know where to start.

I say mentally scarred because i think it's a scar on me i mean i feel it will heal and dissapear over time but how long that will take i'm unsure of.
20739 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
Offline
Posted 10/17/15

HolyDrumstick wrote:

As someone who has dealt with almost the exact same thing you are going through... Going to give you a few pieces of advice.

1.) Therapy does help to a degree. Go talk to professionals. They can definitely help you out. :)

2.) Realize that what these women have done to you is not because of who you are as a person. If anything in this is your responsibility, it is your choice in women. How these women have decided to treat you should in no way reflect your value. And if it happens again, in the future, it isn't that you did anything wrong, it is still them. This will help to stop being so afraid, but it is a hard thing to make yourself believe, sometimes.

3.) Start being more careful and assertive with who you want to date. I found that I fell into that trap because I was letting women pick me, rather than picking them. The type of women who go after guys + plus me, the kind of guy they were going after = the women usually not being too nice. Not saying that is your situation, but find out what's going wrong to put you in these relationships to begin with and CHANGE it.
That's what I did. I'm about 95% recovered from my past, because of the success I have had.

4.) Force yourself to realize one truth: No matter what has happened in your past... that is no reason to make assumptions about future partners and unfairly treat them a certain way because of it. Decide to only treat your future partners based on their own behavior. You wouldn't want someone treating you poorly because their previous partner made a mistake.


I am sure there are other things... but this is what has helped me. I hope it helps you.


Oh i don't blame myself well that's a lie i guess i do and i need to stop doing that.

But i'm actually super careful with whoever i pick to date i'm already one of the pickiest guys i know to the point i can't date any woman in my own town because none of them interest me in the slightest.

I don't know if my streak of being with bad people is bad luck or that my interest of people who are abnormal in some way or into the same things as me is not good and if it is well better off being single forever then.

but you are right i shouldn't just future partners off the mistakes and choices my ex's made that is unfair and personally something i want to avoid.
10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15

Ryulightorb wrote:


Oh i don't blame myself well that's a lie i guess i do and i need to stop doing that.

But i'm actually super careful with whoever i pick to date i'm already one of the pickiest guys i know to the point i can't date any woman in my own town because none of them interest me in the slightest.
I was just stating what my problem was here. Clearly, for you, it is the women you choose. So learn to choose different women. However, that is much easier said than done.


I don't know if my streak of being with bad people is bad luck or that my interest of people who are abnormal in some way or into the same things as me is not good and if it is well better off being single forever then.
Ehhh.. That's your choice, but if you could just fix the issue, why do without companionship in your life, if it is something that could make you happy? Also, you're pretty young, and I'm assuming you date around your age. Typically, a lot of younger girls are just trying to have fun and figure themselves out. Sometimes they do not so nice things. Sometimes they even regret it. And there is nothing really bad about that. Everyone has to learn from their own mistakes and experiences to a degree. Usually though, as you get older and dater older women, the women you date have already done this, and are much more ready and in a position to be in a serious relationship. That makes a huge difference.


but you are right i shouldn't just future partners off the mistakes and choices my ex's made that is unfair and personally something i want to avoid.


I'm glad.

Don't worry man. At your age, I'd already had my heart smashed a few times. And it didn't stop until I was about 25.

The thing is, you keep moving forward, and the next thing you know, all that stuff is behind you and you're a bit wiser.

20739 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
Offline
Posted 10/17/15

HolyDrumstick wrote:


Ryulightorb wrote:


Oh i don't blame myself well that's a lie i guess i do and i need to stop doing that.

But i'm actually super careful with whoever i pick to date i'm already one of the pickiest guys i know to the point i can't date any woman in my own town because none of them interest me in the slightest.
I was just stating what my problem was here. Clearly, for you, it is the women you choose. So learn to choose different women. However, that is much easier said than done.


I don't know if my streak of being with bad people is bad luck or that my interest of people who are abnormal in some way or into the same things as me is not good and if it is well better off being single forever then.
Ehhh.. That's your choice, but if you could just fix the issue, why do without companionship in your life, if it is something that could make you happy? Also, you're pretty young, and I'm assuming you date around your age. Typically, a lot of younger girls are just trying to have fun and figure themselves out. Sometimes they do not so nice things. Sometimes they even regret it. And there is nothing really bad about that. Everyone has to learn from their own mistakes and experiences to a degree. Usually though, as you get older and dater older women, the women you date have already done this, and are much more ready and in a position to be in a serious relationship. That makes a huge difference.


but you are right i shouldn't just future partners off the mistakes and choices my ex's made that is unfair and personally something i want to avoid.


I'm glad.

Don't worry man. At your age, I'd already hard my heart smashed a few times. And it didn't stop until I was about 25.

The thing is, you keep moving forward, and the next thing you know, all that stuff is behind you and you're a bit wiser.



I'm convinced it's just the women i find attractive.

four things make a woman attractive to me ..there interests (being close to mine)
Them being abnormal or different from the majority of women.
Clingyness and the need to be around a guy alot (i'm someone who hates being alone even if it's for a few hours a day )
and honestly the last thing is i have a thing for women who are really intelligent or have a disability like me (bipolar,OCD,Autism)

...to be honest i think it may be my choice in women but that creates the problem of why would i choose someone i'm not attracted to if you get what i mean it's a catch 22
10263 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 10/17/15 , edited 10/17/15

Ryulightorb wrote:


I'm convinced it's just the women i find attractive.

four things make a woman attractive to me ..there interests (being close to mine)
Them being abnormal or different from the majority of women.
Clingyness and the need to be around a guy alot (i'm someone who hates being alone even if it's for a few hours a day )
and honestly the last thing is i have a thing for women who are really intelligent or have a disability like me (bipolar,OCD,Autism)

...to be honest i think it may be my choice in women but that creates the problem of why would i choose someone i'm not attracted to if you get what i mean it's a catch 22


MAYBE, to a degree, it is the women you date. It could even be things that are even more subtle that you do not know.

However, MOST women tame down quite a bit as they get older and wiser. They want those serious relationships, and are willing to put the work into them.

Do not underestimate the process people your age are going through to figure yourselves out. It's a powerful and necessary process.... which is why most people recommend waiting to get married and have children. One day you'll look back at yourself as you are now, and kinda laugh at how different you have become and how you have grown in ways that you cannot currently foresee. It is just the same for women. Don't underestimate it.
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.