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Post Reply Dealing with an Alcoholic
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15
So I'd like to hear a variety of peoples advice on how you would deal with my situation that I have here. Let me explain to you:

First of all alcoholic is a bit of a dramatic word in my opinion, I just like to think of it as someone who is weak minded but what do I know? I'm not an alcoholic myself.

So my predicament here is this, My mother has noticeably been a drinker for about the past 10 years. Quite often I have to deal with situations where she comes home from work and has 2-4 beers annd she's out annd she "wants more". She's been to AA meetings before and she's been preached the MODERATION thing. But she just can't do it. So when she runs out she wants me to run her to the liquor store I always say no because I actually HEARD when they said MODERATION. When I say no she either threatens me with driving herself there after she's already intoxicated or if my brother is home she'll just have him drive her there, and he is WEAK about it and just does it.

I've also done the thing where you take it away from her like taking candy from a baby, she starts calling me names and saying how she does so much for me and I can't just let her relax and enjoy a drink. I can let enjoy a drink or two but when It becomes 3,4,5,6, so on I desperately want her to stop.

I turned 21 5 1/2 months ago and I've only drank maybe 3 times since then, not getting hammered ANY of those times. I don't even drink unless I'm out with friends or relatives because I hate seeing how it affects my mom.

Like I say, I just want to hear if any of you have dealt with this or if you haven't how would you deal with it?


If a thread this is already around let me know, Thanks
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Posted 10/20/15
Not sure I can help.

I lived with my dad for about 3 years, while he spiraled out of control with a methadone addiction. Caught him passed out in his truck at the mailbox, while he was checking the mail... the bathroom... several places just in the middle of the yard... all over the house... the list goes on.

I struggled with it, for a long time... I finally decided can't beat him, join him. Apparently, that stuff is strong. Like dangerous, and it takes a while to hit. So, I had an overdose. I don't remember anything from that Friday night until that Sunday morning when I was on the way to the hospital. Apparently, he kept giving me methadone until I was turning blue.

After that, I was like "fuck this," and moved out. He died a year later. Went off the road and flipped his truck... had no injuries, but died on the side of the road of an overdose. I felt guilty about giving up on him.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is a double-edged sword. Sometimes they drag you down, and when you get away and give up, you blame yourself for quitting on them.
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27 / F / Texas
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Posted 10/20/15
Seeing as I have dealt with this, and my husband has dealt with this, it's familiar territory.

First, you need to realize that she's going to do what she wants, regardless of what you try and do, because she doesn't think she has a problem. Most alcoholics don't. I also think you and your brother need to get on the same page. It's the same situation with a child who gets a "No" from mom and then runs to dad to get a "Yes" answer. It's always going to screw things up.

Once you two are on the same footing about your mom, you need to both say no to her, and walk away. You can't stop her from drinking, as she is a grown woman. But you do not have to be the enabler, and that involves you two just walking away. Take her keys away, for sure, because you don't need her getting into an accident. But no one needs to be getting her more alcohol.

There's also the option of therapy, but that's a bit of an intense...situation. What your mom says is her just relaxing could be something else that is an underlying problem. AA doesn't always work, especially if the person going doesn't fully believe they can commit or change. Your mom has to want to get better, and from the sounds of it, that isn't necessarily the case.

You also have the option of you and your brother moving out. Another extreme option, as I have family in MI, and know it can be expensive up there. But you can't let her drag you down with her. She will either get help, stop on her own, or she won't. But don't provide anything for her. You and your brother both need to understand that.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 10/20/15
Film her and show her when you catch her sober.
Posted 10/20/15
i recommend exorcism


SaucyJacky wrote:

What your mom says is her just relaxing could be something else that is an underlying problem. AA doesn't always work, especially if the person going doesn't fully believe they can commit or change. Your mom has to want to get better, and from the sounds of it, that isn't necessarily the case.


^
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13 / F / California
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Posted 10/20/15
I can't be the only one going "only three beers?" here can I?
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27 / F / Texas
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Posted 10/20/15

severticas wrote:

i recommend exorcism


SaucyJacky wrote:

What your mom says is her just relaxing could be something else that is an underlying problem. AA doesn't always work, especially if the person going doesn't fully believe they can commit or change. Your mom has to want to get better, and from the sounds of it, that isn't necessarily the case.


^


This too would probably be an option.
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27 / F / Texas
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Posted 10/20/15

VZ68 wrote:

I can't be the only one going "only three beers?" here can I?


I think it's the fact that his mother only intends to have 3 beers, but she has no control over herself.
Posted 10/20/15
My mum drinks 3 beers and a glass of wine every night, does that make her an alcoholic o.0
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13 / F / California
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Posted 10/20/15

SaucyJacky wrote:


VZ68 wrote:

I can't be the only one going "only three beers?" here can I?


I think it's the fact that his mother only intends to have 3 beers, but she has no control over herself.


I guess I just need to know if she's knocking back a half rack a night or what.
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19 / M / United States
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Posted 10/20/15

Fuddbender wrote:

So I'd like to hear a variety of peoples advice on how you would deal with my situation that I have here. Let me explain to you:

First of all alcoholic is a bit of a dramatic word in my opinion, I just like to think of it as someone who is weak minded but what do I know? I'm not an alcoholic myself.

So my predicament here is this, My mother has noticeably been a drinker for about the past 10 years. Quite often I have to deal with situations where she comes home from work and has 2-4 beers annd she's out annd she "wants more". She's been to AA meetings before and she's been preached the MODERATION thing. But she just can't do it. So when she runs out she wants me to run her to the liquor store I always say no because I actually HEARD when they said MODERATION. When I say no she either threatens me with driving herself there after she's already intoxicated or if my brother is home she'll just have him drive her there, and he is WEAK about it and just does it.

I've also done the thing where you take it away from her like taking candy from a baby, she starts calling me names and saying how she does so much for me and I can't just let her relax and enjoy a drink. I can let enjoy a drink or two but when It becomes 3,4,5,6, so on I desperately want her to stop.

I turned 21 5 1/2 months ago and I've only drank maybe 3 times since then, not getting hammered ANY of those times. I don't even drink unless I'm out with friends or relatives because I hate seeing how it affects my mom.

Like I say, I just want to hear if any of you have dealt with this or if you haven't how would you deal with it?


If a thread this is already around let me know, Thanks


I'm not sure I can be of any help, but I'll try to give you some advice, as I know people who have been in these situations. You won't be able to get her to quit no matter how hard you try, I know it may hurt seeing her like this, but bare with it. Hopefully everything will be alright in the future. Try your best to tell her how you feel about her drinking, and how she makes you feel when she is without. Get your brother to help you as well, try to confront her with as many family members as possible. You have to get her to WANT to quit, it's not something she should do because she has to, but because she wants to.

Try to give her the best reason to quit you.


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19 / M / United States
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Posted 10/20/15

haikinka wrote:

My mum drinks 3 beers and a glass of wine every night, does that make her an alcoholic o.0


If she can't go without it, yeah.
Posted 10/20/15

PurpleDjango wrote:

If she can't go without it, yeah.


Ohh maaan, now that's both my parents.
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19 / M / Colorado
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Posted 10/20/15

Sir_jamesalot wrote:

Film her and show her when you catch her sober.


trailer park boys though
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23 / M / AZ
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Posted 10/20/15
One of my uncles was an alcoholic and it ended up killing him. My mother and the rest of the family tried to help but he didn't want to change.

Another uncle is facing the same problem today and is currently in custody of immigration services because he parked his truck in the middle of the road and fell asleep. My mother and the rest of the family have tried to help help but he doesn't want to change. The family is afraid that if he goes back to Mexico he will fall deeper into the hole he's in and eventually get himself killed.
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