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Post Reply Dealing with an Alcoholic
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16 / F / Always my room
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Posted 10/20/15
I know someone who struggled with it after a great many things happened to the person. They drank to forget about all the mess. I kinda of knew what was happening but at the same time I kept denying it was a thing. But a little over a year ago the person had to go to rehab and they have been sober ever since March 2014. It took a lot of work for them to get there and I am more proud of them then I could ever express. I personally think alcoholism is a disease and a tough one to beat, any addiction is. Though with hard work a person can overcome it.
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

HolyDrumstick wrote:

Not sure I can help.

I lived with my dad for about 3 years, while he spiraled out of control with a methadone addiction. Caught him passed out in his truck at the mailbox, while he was checking the mail... the bathroom... several places just in the middle of the yard... all over the house... the list goes on.

I struggled with it, for a long time... I finally decided can't beat him, join him. Apparently, that stuff is strong. Like dangerous, and it takes a while to hit. So, I had an overdose. I don't remember anything from that Friday night until that Sunday morning when I was on the way to the hospital. Apparently, he kept giving me methadone until I was turning blue.

After that, I was like "fuck this," and moved out. He died a year later. Went off the road and flipped his truck... had no injuries, but died on the side of the road of an overdose. I felt guilty about giving up on him.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is a double-edged sword. Sometimes they drag you down, and when you get away and give up, you blame yourself for quitting on them.


Thanks for sharing, I suppose addiction is addiction. To be dependent on something like alcohol or a drug day after day or week after week, It may make people feel like they're stuck in that same spot and it's already over for them, like they can't get out. I'd tell anyone that's untrue, you can make change. You have be very strong to do so and have some good people in your corner with you.

I've had a co-worker tell me before that it isn't my problem and that I'm an adult now, and that I shouldn't go through life with so much worry put towards anothers future. But I'm her son and if I can be a strong person I know she can too, that's what I believe. I am sorry for loss Holydrumstick, but I'm glad you're okay and you were here to type to me today
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Posted 10/20/15 , edited 10/21/15

Fuddbender wrote:


HolyDrumstick wrote:

Not sure I can help.

I lived with my dad for about 3 years, while he spiraled out of control with a methadone addiction. Caught him passed out in his truck at the mailbox, while he was checking the mail... the bathroom... several places just in the middle of the yard... all over the house... the list goes on.

I struggled with it, for a long time... I finally decided can't beat him, join him. Apparently, that stuff is strong. Like dangerous, and it takes a while to hit. So, I had an overdose. I don't remember anything from that Friday night until that Sunday morning when I was on the way to the hospital. Apparently, he kept giving me methadone until I was turning blue.

After that, I was like "fuck this," and moved out. He died a year later. Went off the road and flipped his truck... had no injuries, but died on the side of the road of an overdose. I felt guilty about giving up on him.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is a double-edged sword. Sometimes they drag you down, and when you get away and give up, you blame yourself for quitting on them.


Thanks for sharing, I suppose addiction is addiction. To be dependent on something like alcohol or a drug day after day or week after week, It may make people feel like they're stuck in that same spot and it's already over for them, like they can't get out. I'd tell anyone that's untrue, you can make change. You have be very strong to do so and have some good people in your corner with you.

I've had a co-worker tell me before that it isn't my problem and that I'm an adult now, and that I shouldn't go through life with so much worry put towards anothers future. But I'm her son and if I can be a strong person I know she can too, that's what I believe. I am sorry for loss Holydrumstick, but I'm glad you're okay and you were here to type to me today :)


Well... to be fair, my dad was an alcoholic until he got esophageal cancer. Because he could no longer drink, and because he was put on pain meds... it just kind of went from alcoholism to opiate addiction.

I really shared to say that at some point, you'll have to make some decisions, and I just wanted you to be prepared for not being happy no matter what decision you make. Most people only talk about the good possibilities... but the bad exists, so be prepared for it.

Best of luck, though. I really hope you find a way to get her to see things. Maybe she can kick it.
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

SaucyJacky wrote:

Seeing as I have dealt with this, and my husband has dealt with this, it's familiar territory.

First, you need to realize that she's going to do what she wants, regardless of what you try and do, because she doesn't think she has a problem. Most alcoholics don't. I also think you and your brother need to get on the same page. It's the same situation with a child who gets a "No" from mom and then runs to dad to get a "Yes" answer. It's always going to screw things up.

Once you two are on the same footing about your mom, you need to both say no to her, and walk away. You can't stop her from drinking, as she is a grown woman. But you do not have to be the enabler, and that involves you two just walking away. Take her keys away, for sure, because you don't need her getting into an accident. But no one needs to be getting her more alcohol.

There's also the option of therapy, but that's a bit of an intense...situation. What your mom says is her just relaxing could be something else that is an underlying problem. AA doesn't always work, especially if the person going doesn't fully believe they can commit or change. Your mom has to want to get better, and from the sounds of it, that isn't necessarily the case.

You also have the option of you and your brother moving out. Another extreme option, as I have family in MI, and know it can be expensive up there. But you can't let her drag you down with her. She will either get help, stop on her own, or she won't. But don't provide anything for her. You and your brother both need to understand that.


Thanks for replying, we've had more than a few morning talks between me and her about getting before but time and time again she's slipped up and came crashing down back to the point of drinking every single day, most of the time I don't notice because it starts to happen when I'm at work during the night. I know I can't babysit her forever that's why I'm here now looking for ways to change things.

I may have to actually sit down with my brother and express more to him more about the way things are going. If I could get some help with trying to sway her into making better choices for herself maybe we could get through this. In the grand scheme of things though, yes, it is her that needs to see a vision of herself with the will to either be able to tell herself no, you've quenched your thirst at 1 or 2 instead just going overboard. Glad that you and your husband have figured things out you've conquered yourselves and owned your own lives for the better :)

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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

Sir_jamesalot wrote:

Film her and show her when you catch her sober.


That's actually not a bad idea, usually it's me talking to her the next day about how she doesn't act herself when she's under the influence. Maybe it might do something if I tried it the other way around and showed the influenced her the radiant loving mother side of her. Worth a shot, Thanks
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

VZ68 wrote:


SaucyJacky wrote:


VZ68 wrote:

I can't be the only one going "only three beers?" here can I?


I think it's the fact that his mother only intends to have 3 beers, but she has no control over herself.


I guess I just need to know if she's knocking back a half rack a night or what.


It's what Saucy said, Intended on being 1-2 then it turns into 3 or 4 sometimes if that's not enough she thinks "oh I need a 6 pack now" If she was able to stay in moderation with the 1-2 I may not be here right now seeking answers. Why does she need to have that goal of getting shit faced after that first drink, every time. It may be addiction whispering in her ear to keep going, I'm not sure what it's like. I would be okay with moderation, she'd feel so much better physically and mentally if she could at least that.

Thanks
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Posted 10/20/15

Fuddbender wrote:



It's what Saucy said, Intended on being 1-2 then it turns into 3 or 4 sometimes if that's not enough she thinks "oh I need a 6 pack now" If she was able to stay in moderation with the 1-2 I may not be here right now seeking answers. Why does she need to have that goal of getting shit faced after that first drink, every time. It may be addiction whispering in her ear to keep going, I'm not sure what it's like. I would be okay with moderation, she'd feel so much better physically and mentally if she could at least that.

Thanks


Just wondering, because I know people that knock back quite a few when they are off work, that's just how they are. Is your mom getting near that midlife age as well? Sometimes that doesn't help, compounded by other issues can lead to problems.
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Posted 10/20/15 , edited 10/20/15

Fuddbender wrote:

So I'd like to hear a variety of peoples advice on how you would deal with my situation that I have here. Let me explain to you:

First of all alcoholic is a bit of a dramatic word in my opinion, I just like to think of it as someone who is weak minded but what do I know? I'm not an alcoholic myself.

So my predicament here is this, My mother has noticeably been a drinker for about the past 10 years. Quite often I have to deal with situations where she comes home from work and has 2-4 beers annd she's out annd she "wants more". She's been to AA meetings before and she's been preached the MODERATION thing. But she just can't do it. So when she runs out she wants me to run her to the liquor store I always say no because I actually HEARD when they said MODERATION. When I say no she either threatens me with driving herself there after she's already intoxicated or if my brother is home she'll just have him drive her there, and he is WEAK about it and just does it.

I've also done the thing where you take it away from her like taking candy from a baby, she starts calling me names and saying how she does so much for me and I can't just let her relax and enjoy a drink. I can let enjoy a drink or two but when It becomes 3,4,5,6, so on I desperately want her to stop.

I turned 21 5 1/2 months ago and I've only drank maybe 3 times since then, not getting hammered ANY of those times. I don't even drink unless I'm out with friends or relatives because I hate seeing how it affects my mom.

Like I say, I just want to hear if any of you have dealt with this or if you haven't how would you deal with it?


If a thread this is already around let me know, Thanks


look here, anything under 6, ok. Your mother might be small so its probably a lot for her. anything above 6 and you enter the danger zone, I wouldn't worry about anything under 6 if I was you. My mom drinks a bottle of whiskey every day/ 2 days, nothing I can do about it.
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

PurpleDjango wrote:


Fuddbender wrote:

So I'd like to hear a variety of peoples advice on how you would deal with my situation that I have here. Let me explain to you:

First of all alcoholic is a bit of a dramatic word in my opinion, I just like to think of it as someone who is weak minded but what do I know? I'm not an alcoholic myself.

So my predicament here is this, My mother has noticeably been a drinker for about the past 10 years. Quite often I have to deal with situations where she comes home from work and has 2-4 beers annd she's out annd she "wants more". She's been to AA meetings before and she's been preached the MODERATION thing. But she just can't do it. So when she runs out she wants me to run her to the liquor store I always say no because I actually HEARD when they said MODERATION. When I say no she either threatens me with driving herself there after she's already intoxicated or if my brother is home she'll just have him drive her there, and he is WEAK about it and just does it.

I've also done the thing where you take it away from her like taking candy from a baby, she starts calling me names and saying how she does so much for me and I can't just let her relax and enjoy a drink. I can let enjoy a drink or two but when It becomes 3,4,5,6, so on I desperately want her to stop.

I turned 21 5 1/2 months ago and I've only drank maybe 3 times since then, not getting hammered ANY of those times. I don't even drink unless I'm out with friends or relatives because I hate seeing how it affects my mom.

Like I say, I just want to hear if any of you have dealt with this or if you haven't how would you deal with it?


If a thread this is already around let me know, Thanks


I'm not sure I can be of any help, but I'll try to give you some advice, as I know people who have been in these situations. You won't be able to get her to quit no matter how hard you try, I know it may hurt seeing her like this, but bare with it. Hopefully everything will be alright in the future. Try your best to tell her how you feel about her drinking, and how she makes you feel when she is without. Get your brother to help you as well, try to confront her with as many family members as possible. You have to get her to WANT to quit, it's not something she should do because she has to, but because she wants to.

Try to give her the best reason to quit you.



Thanks for the reply,

After reading the comments from you and others I plan on sitting down with my brother and trying to get him to see it as I do, wanting to see mom make better choices. If both of us can tell her that we want to see her do better for herself maybe she will understand more.

You have been of help :)
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 10/20/15

stoner789 wrote:


Fuddbender wrote:

So I'd like to hear a variety of peoples advice on how you would deal with my situation that I have here. Let me explain to you:

First of all alcoholic is a bit of a dramatic word in my opinion, I just like to think of it as someone who is weak minded but what do I know? I'm not an alcoholic myself.

So my predicament here is this, My mother has noticeably been a drinker for about the past 10 years. Quite often I have to deal with situations where she comes home from work and has 2-4 beers annd she's out annd she "wants more". She's been to AA meetings before and she's been preached the MODERATION thing. But she just can't do it. So when she runs out she wants me to run her to the liquor store I always say no because I actually HEARD when they said MODERATION. When I say no she either threatens me with driving herself there after she's already intoxicated or if my brother is home she'll just have him drive her there, and he is WEAK about it and just does it.

I've also done the thing where you take it away from her like taking candy from a baby, she starts calling me names and saying how she does so much for me and I can't just let her relax and enjoy a drink. I can let enjoy a drink or two but when It becomes 3,4,5,6, so on I desperately want her to stop.

I turned 21 5 1/2 months ago and I've only drank maybe 3 times since then, not getting hammered ANY of those times. I don't even drink unless I'm out with friends or relatives because I hate seeing how it affects my mom.

Like I say, I just want to hear if any of you have dealt with this or if you haven't how would you deal with it?


If a thread this is already around let me know, Thanks


look here, anything under 6, ok. Your mother might be small so its probably a lot for her. anything above 6 and you enter the danger zone, I wouldn't worry about anything under 6 if I was you. My mom drinks a bottle of whiskey every day/ 2 days, nothing I can do about it.


She is small indeed, 5'4. Over the years I'm sure her body is feeling it too. I sit there sometimes and think how heck does she put that much liquid into herself? And then for the body to filter it.
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Posted 10/20/15

VZ68 wrote:


Fuddbender wrote:



It's what Saucy said, Intended on being 1-2 then it turns into 3 or 4 sometimes if that's not enough she thinks "oh I need a 6 pack now" If she was able to stay in moderation with the 1-2 I may not be here right now seeking answers. Why does she need to have that goal of getting shit faced after that first drink, every time. It may be addiction whispering in her ear to keep going, I'm not sure what it's like. I would be okay with moderation, she'd feel so much better physically and mentally if she could at least that.

Thanks


Just wondering, because I know people that knock back quite a few when they are off work, that's just how they are. Is your mom getting near that midlife age as well? Sometimes that doesn't help, compounded by other issues can lead to problems.


She is in the mid-50s, and I won't deny that there have been tough things that life has presented us with lately. I've dealt with and am dealing with the same obstacles though. Me personally I see as they are and accept them very quick most of the time. I realize that's not something everyone can do.
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Posted 10/20/15

Fuddbender wrote:


She is in the mid-50s, and I won't deny that there have been tough things that life has presented us with lately. I've dealt with and am dealing with the same obstacles though. Me personally I see as they are and accept them very quick most of the time. I realize that's not something everyone can do.


Don't forget, she has...uh, another 35 years of shit built up before she had you. You'd be surprised at what happens when that straw does break the camel's back. I hit the "don't give a fuck" wall pretty hard myself a couple of months ago as well.
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Posted 10/20/15

fairy_tail175 wrote:

I know someone who struggled with it after a great many things happened to the person. They drank to forget about all the mess. I kinda of knew what was happening but at the same time I kept denying it was a thing. But a little over a year ago the person had to go to rehab and they have been sober ever since March 2014. It took a lot of work for them to get there and I am more proud of them then I could ever express. I personally think alcoholism is a disease and a tough one to beat, any addiction is. Though with hard work a person can overcome it.


Right you are, friend. Things have happened in my family in recent years that weren't easy to brush off. A tough truth about life is that you need to learn to accept good AND bad as it comes and goes. If you have motivation and dedication you can overcome addiction, you do have to want to better yourself though, and that's where I need to help mom. Thanks for allowing me to realize what I need to do as well.

I'm glad to hear the person you talked about it doing well though.
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Posted 10/20/15

VZ68 wrote:

I can't be the only one going "only three beers?" here can I?


Yeah man, 3 is bugga all. Even 4,5 or 6 is not that much...
She's an adult. At least she's not drinking bottles of wine or hitting the spirits.
Posted 10/21/15 , edited 10/21/15
My dad drinks until he's drunk every single day.
I struggle to deal with him about it, even up to this day. Most of the time I try to avoid him when I see he gets super drunk. He knows it messes him up pretty bad internally but still continues. I actually hate him for it to be honest.
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