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Post Reply I'm a 26 year old virgin :(
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Posted 10/21/15

brigand554 wrote:

How many threads have there been on the internet about adult male virgins? TOO MANY!

If you have questions needing answers, sometimes the internet isn't the best place to go to. Try a sex therapist. DON'T try to become a PUA (pick up artist). That isn't going to help you and being a PUA means you would just be going around trying to be something you aren't.

Now, I am a 32 year old virgin. Come at me, bro. I've been through the motions of virginity and desperation for all too long. Do I feel as if I've wasted my life? Do I feel defective? Do I feel as if there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a person? Not exactly. I may not know what sex is like, but I do know that the importance of it is different to each person. I never placed much importance on it, yet I've often felt that if I had, then perhaps my life would be different. I'd have gone about begging for it and that I don't think would have been a very good life path.

If you are beating the shit out of yourself over your "problem" then do something about it. Either you can lose it or wait for someone to come along that understands. In my case, being over 30, I've hit the wall. My chances are becoming less and less every year. I'm not some pussy slayer with a chocolate money penis. I was never that kind of person. I feared dealing with bad women who only exist to fuck people's lives up. I've seen so many of my friends fucked over by their relationships that it kept me celibate from fear of becoming just like them. Am I making excuses or being cautious? To the reader; you decide.

Virginity is a social construct. Modern society has a lot of double standards. If that fact bothers you, then it should. All the pressure to lose virginity is a serious problem. People risk their health and well being just for a few minutes of pleasure. Is your life worth that? If you think it is, then guess who the real loser is? YOU! So look before you leap, because you only live one, but no one lives forever.


You made wizard status I can't imagine being a virgin past 30, but you telling me this has given me a little bit of hope.

The problem I didn't really explain at first is that I really wouldn't mind being virgin. It's my abnormally high sex drive that's killing me. So my sex drive has been so high this past year that any female that gets close to me makes me think of sex! in fact all I think about every day is sex with a girl I want it to stop badly..

How have you been able to control it for so long?
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Posted 10/21/15 , edited 10/21/15
I am 26, still a virgin, but that's by choice. I've dated girls, kissed them, I've even spent many nights sleeping with them (not sex, actually sleeping in the same bed). Being a virgin at 26 is not a problem. It's better to find the right person to give yourself to.


Here are some tips:

If you have confidence issues, start working on those. How? Socialize with people. Talk to people you are attracted to without even the thought of asking them out. Go to social gatherings for people with like interests (Anime Conventions?). Like training any muscle, you actually have to do work, and it will hurt. You'll have rejections, but you'll get better as you go.

Staying in a comfort bubble will only increase your atrophy. Push yourself. It's possible, even if you think it isn't. That's just your comfort bubble speaking anyway, not you. I not telling you to throw yourself at the lions immediately. Everyone has to grind killing slimes at first. Once you get comfortable in a certain situation, push yourself outside of it a little again.

If you masturbate or look at porn, stop. I won't discuss the morality of these things. That is up to you. The reason I say this is that in doing these, you are psychologically telling yourself that you are perfectly fine appeasing yourself, even if you think of sex constantyl (another outcome of masturbation and porn). It has been scientifically proven that these lessen a person's desire to associate with the attracted sex, commit to relationships, and feel content once in a relationship.

Lastly, have fun with it. Start building the mindset that it's fun to challenge yourself. I'm sure you already have a bit of this in you with videogames or the like. Apply it to your social skills.
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Posted 10/21/15 , edited 10/21/15

trueshinobi01 wrote:

The problem I didn't really explain at first is that I really wouldn't mind being virgin. It's my abnormally high sex drive that's killing me. So my sex drive has been so high this past year that any female that gets close to me makes me think of sex! in fact all I think about every day is sex with a girl I want it to stop badly..

How have you been able to control it for so long?


By not giving into the drive or dwelling on the thought. I mentioned it in my post above, but frequent viewing of porn and masturbation are often the cause of this. It trains the mind to think of girls as sexual objects, even if you personally don't believe that way.

niyxie 
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Posted 10/21/15
Being a virgin and remaining a virgin is not the end of the world. I know there's a lot of pressure for guys to have sex and to base their self-worth on having sex, but there's a lot better things to base your self-worth on. You've got to be happy with who you are, or having sex will just make you an unhappy person who's had sex.

If you honestly thing the issue of approaching girls and/or being rejected by girls is a serious problem for you, I would highly recommend talking to a therapist. And please don't reject the thought outright. A therapist is there to listen to you and help you work through issues. Mine has been absolutely invaluable for dealing with a lot of my social anxieties.

Above all, don't stress the sex. I'm sure it's great, but it's not the be all end all of everything.

Also, please have a happy birthday. Get your favorite cake, watch your favorite show, play your favorite game. Make it a day of really pampering yourself.
Posted 10/21/15 , edited 10/21/15


I'm not going to say that it is because I am disciplined or transcendent. It is simply because of fear and resentment. I have also lived a great deal in isolation. I am mostly introverted, not one of these extroverts that has to be social or they go insane.

I knew I was too smart to go around doing what everyone else was doing. However, I too have urges. I desire. I fantasize. But these things don't rule me. Part of sexual autonomy is being able to decide for yourself what you want to do. That includes being celibate. Being in control is difficult, but if you are the type to think before acting, then it is easy. If you know how to release the pressure your body puts on you without aggravating it, then you have the advantage. Not saying I am always in full control. I sometimes am on the verge of flying off the handle. I keep level because I know how and that keeps me out of trouble.

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Posted 10/21/15

trueshinobi01 wrote:
It's my abnormally high sex drive that's killing me. So my sex drive has been so high this past year that any female that gets close to me makes me think of sex! in fact all I think about every day is sex with a girl I want it to stop badly..


This makes me wonder if this could be a case of hypersexuality. But hey, I'm no doctor.

Virginity really isn't as important as society makes it out to be. Anyone who would make fun of you for that is, in my opinion, brainwashed. People have sex when they want to, on their own time. There's no time limit. Hell, there are asexuals who don't ever have sex at all! Should they be mocked at for being a "virgin" their whole life? Hell no.

Now, if you really want sex that badly, there are ways to go about that, but right now I think it would be best to work on yourself and your emotional growth.

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congrats
Posted 10/21/15

Arbitrator wrote:


serifsansserif wrote:

I am nearly 34 and have been haven't so much as kissed a girl since I llast had a girlfriend around the age of 19-21-ish? (it's been so long I forgot).

I actually go out of my way to slip out of situations where women show interest because I have fuck all idea what to do anymore.

Sure, there's being out of practice, which sucks, but more so the implications of being with someone, being in a relationship, having someone close to me... those terrify the ever loving fuck outta me. Especially when it seems like taking on any of that implicitly seems to put me in the role of dispensing comfort and reassurance and/or having to initiate for most relationship-y things. Granted, the most forward women are the ones I've been least attracted to, but still.

People in general burn me out. And when it comes to relationship stuff I am beyond fried... The last one just killed it for me.


the honesty in this post made me laugh and also respect your posts that much more.


I laughed too. And I agree with you overall.

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Posted 10/21/15
Tinder or Craigslist
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37 / M / Virginia USA
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Posted 10/21/15

thekevin4 wrote:

Hope you at least have soft hands.


Screw that. Takes to long then. I got things to go do! haha
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Posted 10/21/15
Do u want to meet??!!????
Posted 10/21/15 , edited 10/21/15
^ too young for me, but go get her, shinobi!
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Posted 10/21/15

Ara-kouhai wrote:

Do u want to meet??!!????


YES I do! Ha
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26 / M / Your friendly nei...
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Posted 10/21/15

trueshinobi01 wrote:


Ara-kouhai wrote:

Do u want to meet??!!????


YES I do! Ha


Rape waiting to happen
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Posted 10/21/15

thekevin4 wrote:


trueshinobi01 wrote:


Ara-kouhai wrote:

Do u want to meet??!!????


YES I do! Ha


Rape waiting to happen



Ugh, you're right, she might do that to me
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