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Post Reply Manners You've Never Heard Of
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23 / M / AZ
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Posted 11/3/15
I've been living in the USA most of my life but I'm still surprised at how emotionally cold most white Americans are.
Latinos love hugging and kissing people.
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Posted 11/3/15
I've found it strange that there are different rules for holding the door open for strangers in different parts of the world. I've had friends visit from various places and one thing that they always point out to me is that everyone everywhere will stop to hold the door open for you just as a common courtesy. But i never found it all that strange, hell some people will even stop if they get to the door first and wait for you to open it for them. But i've never taken it as a classist sort of thing. I just always looked at it from the point of view that my time is no more valuable than theirs that i couldn't take a second and hold the door open for them rather than letting it slam into their face just before they get there. I mean, even in busier places that might see a bit of traffic through the day, i don't think it's very polite to let the door hit the person behind you
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21 / M / U.S.A.
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Posted 11/3/15 , edited 11/3/15

lilliputian_otaku wrote:

or are people being taught to be over-sensitive to stupid things?
^

I'm American and I'd rather you blow your nose over having to look at nose drippings every time I faced you, for one.

For two, yah, it's basically just what I quoted. A lot of people have a problem with everything no matter how small. My stepass always got onto me when I was younger for 'biting down' on my silverware. I understand that etiquette-wise it's generally considered rude, but he literally treated it like I got up and slapped him in the face for no apparent reason.

If someone does something that I don't like while eating, I just let it go. I only have to eat with them for like 10 minutes before they are done or I am done and can leave/do whatever I want to do.

For an instance, I absolutely abhor smacking. Like, it just annoys me. But, a lot of my friends smack (and pretty loudly), and I don't complain. It's not a big deal. Hell, it's not even a little deal. lol.

Edit: I generally adhere to most etiquette rules, and, thanks to my stepdad, I'm annoyed at other people who don't follow them (Although like I said, I don't really complain). But if the company I'm keeping is important enough, you best believe I'm going to show as good manners as I can.


superflydanfry wrote:

hell some people will even stop if they get to the door first and wait for you to open it for them.

Ha! Hahaha! Haha! Hah!..

If this ever happened to me.. I would open the door just enough to let myself through, and then pull it closed behind me. hahaha

no.

And I always check behind me to hold the door if anyone is behind me. Even if they are fairly far away, if it seems like they are going to enter the same building as me, I kind of go out of my way to hold it open.

But yah no, if someone literally waits for me to open it for them like they are supposed to be entitled to some special treatment, they'll be waiting for the next person to go into that building because I'm not joking.
Posted 11/3/15
Just from moving from the South of England to the North, I experienced a couple of things. The main one being that random strangers will happily talk to you up here. I guess it's not strictly bad manners, I just consider it extremely bizarre and uncomfortable.

When I visited the States, specifically New York this year, my classmates and myself found it quite annoying/rude to be forced to tip everywhere. I do understand that sometimes this is someone's wage, and I never tip stingily when i'm visiting the US, but the fact that it's forced seems really offensive to me.
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Posted 11/4/15
Just to clear things up about blowing the nose at the table here's a link to what Miss Manners has to say about it: https://books.google.com/books?id=Q348PWE1p6MC&pg=PA295&lpg=PA295&dq=miss+manners+blowing+nose+at+table&source=bl&ots=LDiEOV1Qro&sig=jhp190OUhhLmRlcwAQBgzVCG-iQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMI46ju2PD2yAIVCxk-Ch3lHQFk#v=onepage&q=miss%20manners%20blowing%20nose%20at%20table&f=false

Sorry for the long link.

My mother was a stickler for using extreme good manners as if you were going to have tea with the Queen of England only at all times. I grew up practicing everything from which side to serve food to your guests and which side to clear the dirty plates away from the table at dinner parties as well as the proper use of a crumb scraper between courses.

After growing up knowing what every possible Victorian utensil was for, I didn't think I could be surprised by much when it came to manners unless it was related to some foreign custom I wasn't aware of. That was the custom that caught me unawares - I had dinner with some friends from Argentina and afterwards I was taken aside by one of them and told that it is not polite to keep your hand in your lap when not in use. I'd been taught the usual "elbows off the table" thing and therefore if I was not eating or using a utensil with my hand tend to keep it in my lap to hold my napkin in place. Apparently in Argentina it is impolite to have your hand out of sight during a meal - they assume you are potentially doing something illicit with it such as pleasuring the person sitting next to you.

Something else that caught me unaware during college was when my roommate from Singapore insisted on vomiting in the sink in our room instead of using the toilet in the bathroom. Apparently in Singapore they consider the toilet too dirty to even consider getting near your face. In that situation, I had the dean explain to her that the dormitory plumbing at the sink simply wasn't made to handle vomit due to the chunks...
Posted 11/4/15 , edited 11/4/15
I've been called out for pouring dish sauce onto my rice with Asian dishes.

Fuck them, they can waste their rice by eating it plain; stupid drones bound by artificial restrictions called "manners".
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Posted 11/4/15
The strangest thing I've encountered is apparently I made our Foreign Exchange Students really uncomfortable because eye contact is considered to be really aggressive if you don't know the person (in parts of Europe), but in the States it's considered rude to avoid eye contact when you're speaking with someone.
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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/4/15

starglow42 wrote:


Dark_Alma wrote:

Things in Germany I don't have to worry about in the USA (and wish I did):

Arrive 5-10 minutes early. Even a few minutes late can be offensive.


This is offensive in the USA as well. (And a good number of other places, for that matter.)



In my experience, in at least Texas, New York, Kansas, Missouri and Florida, people arrive late all the time. I have 2-4 years in each of these places. When I say offensive, I mean highly offensive. In the US, its meh. Oh well, you were close. Just don't do it again. Not so much in Germany. I guess you need to live there before you could understand.
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Posted 11/4/15 , edited 11/4/15
Blowing your nose manners never heard of that and if you need to blow your nose then do it.


now elbows on table while eating yes that is bad manners while I was taught it, but after you are done eating it was okay
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Posted 11/4/15

lambofgenesis wrote:

When I was watching GATE, they stopped the nude Rory Mercury from jumping in the hot spring before taking a shower. I was like surprised and instantly thought it was a super good thing. In the US, in public pools or the beach, we don't require people from showering first before going in. IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I think we should all do this.

Then I asked other Asian people who live in asia, and they were all like, "uh, duh it's customary in most of asia to take showers before going into public bodies of water." And I was like: *dreamy face* "reaaaaaaally?!"

So I've been to water parks, school pools, and beaches in the US. No shower reqs. Idk, maybe hot springs and public pools are different? But either way, let's adopt this Asian cleanliness thing :D


In high school, I used to swim competitively, and most pools do tell you to shower before getting in (usually on some "Pool Rules" sign) but don't actually enforce anything. Most of the time we all just laughed at that rule because it would feel super annoying to take an actual shower and we didn't really have any time (school directly to swim practice and getting into water almost immediately).
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27 / M / America
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Posted 11/4/15

lilliputian_otaku wrote:

Anyway I blew my nose and two people looked at me like I'd just stripped naked, danced on the table, and kicked their food in their faces. One girl's words were "I can't believe you just did that. Didn't your parents teach you any manners at all?"


To clarify, did you have a napkin or handkerchief in front of you when you blew your nose or did you spew mucus all over the table? Because the latter would have me looking horrified as much as the girl in the story.

And no, this is not an American thing. It could have been a policy in her family that she grew up with, or it could be a thing in the part of the country that you were living in at the time. America is a ~very~ big place and social contexts change drastically where you are in the US. Here in the mid-west where I live no one would have even looked at you when you blew your nose.
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34 / M / Midwestern United...
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Posted 11/4/15 , edited 11/4/15
When encountering customs with which you are unfamiliar, it is good to try and understand them. It also may behoove you to do a little research before making any strong statements about an issue. That doesn't mean you have to agree with them, it just avoids you asking questions like "Why is it like that?" when the answer was a quick Google search or even some basic pondering away. ;)

Some of the things brought up in this thread:

1) Punctuality used to be a major virtue in the United States of America, but this has relaxed to varying degrees. Some of this is a matter of practicality or overzealous enforcement in earlier generations, some of this is frankly poor policies that are causing problems but no one really wants to be the one to correct others... or does but the people sometimes causing themselves problems by being late don't want to hear it.

2) Showering before getting in is the official policy in most pools I visited in the United States of America but it is not strictly enforced. You are also talking about a country where most people likely bathed shortly before heading to the pool. I believe this is another example of manners having deteriorated over the years.

3) Yes, I find many people in my area are rather... uptight compared to other cultures when it comes to shows of affection. At the same time I understand why; most of us have had the mild trauma of someone that should not be so hands on making us at the very least uncomfortable. I don't mean someone unfamiliar with local customs; at least in the Midwest you're as worried about offending others as you are about taking offense. Think of someone you know that really isn't so great at personal hygiene, who insists on "long" hugs, who will still insists on "closeness" when they've got a contagious disease, etc.

4) Speaking of disease, yes blowing one's nose at the dinner table is considered poor manners and it isn't just about being "polite" but being practical.

I saw the earlier link for "Miss Manners" and if that person was official, it just reminds me of why I don't bother with Miss Manners. If you are caught off guard by a sneeze or the like, yes take care of it. Originally when handkerchiefs were common as were cloth napkins that were only laundered once a day (or every few days or who knows how long in between) it was really nasty to blow your nose in your napkin. The thing is with disposable tissues and even napkins, now handkerchiefs are mostly useful for situations emergencies and if you must blow your nose into your napkin, it is still an issue but not a major one.

Why is it still an issue? Germs and variable circumstances. For your own sake you ought to clean your hands after blowing your nose. No, when I am by myself I don't often get up and go to the bathroom to wash my hands; I keep hand sanitizer near me. XD Even if this is not good enough (and sometimes, I don't care either) remember other people; not only so that you don't potentially spread your germs to them but because even people normally not bothered by it might have had the kind of day where seeing someone blow their nose, especially a loud, nasty sounding one will trigger a gag reflex while they are eating. You really want to risk someone vomiting across the table from you?

Oh and something I see in certain cultures but not in the U.S. is wearing a face mask when one is sick to reduce the risk of accidentally spreading ones germs to others. I am not sure if I would call it "manners" because it is so practical, but then again that is the origin of many manners.
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52 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 11/4/15
Here is one that caught me off guard for manners or bad form. I like to drink wine with dinner so sometimes I will bring my own into an establishment and pay corkage fee(total rip off) any way I was told your not suppose to bring a bottle of wine that is available on the menu wtf? so to be polite guessing you need a vintage from obscure place fuck that. I live an hour from Napa we have huge selection available but the mark up in restaurant is insane
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Posted 11/4/15
Hmmm I know when I go eating out with my parents friends, they always always refill my tea cup before I got to even finish drinking it. I thought they were being annoying but then I read that it was bad to let the tea cup go empty........ I would still prefer it to refill my own tea
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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/4/15
Staring or talking to someone in an elevator is taboo in Germany. It is an unspoken rule that though shall never speak in an elevator.

I still get shudders when someone talks to me in an elevator.
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