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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 11/3/15
So i thought about starting this thread after the depression / suicide one :)


I'll start.

All my life i have felt despair and hated my life and myself personaly i see myself as worthless and i won't ever be able to live up to my own expectations of myself

So i have gone through life like this and its been pretty hard...for someone who is worthless im proud i have made it this far.

Sometimes i personally feel like my personality is split into two for example i feel different at times sometimes like a normal male and sometimes i feel what i would describe as feminine/female.

I mostly feel this is because i see my gender identity as neutral rather then refering to me as a guy (i don't mind being called a women and some people i know do call me she/her.

but i also happened to notice with each of these different personalities of mine when i felt them shift my beliefs and interests would change.

I'll give an example like when i was in a past relationship I loved my girlfriend and hated stuff like lolicon etc however when my personality changed and i felt i was different i despised my girlfriend and was into stuff i hated like lolicon for instance.

I haven't told anyone that but it's always worried me because my beliefs and morals all depend on what Personality i'm in kind of as if i have multiple inside me but i'm not sure that makes sense

My psychologist thought it was nothing so its not a big deal but i haven't told anyone else and i wanted to get it off my chest as it's hard.

Personally the only image that comes to mind to sum up how i feel would be a guy and a girl on the opposite sides of a mirror with there hands up against it each one having there own turn.

That being said i don't have a personality disorder (not that i know) so it's really weird to me as i feel like my one true personality is a creation of two different me's so to speak.
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19 / M / "10/10" - IGN
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Posted 11/3/15
Wow, I feel you exactly on this one, down to depression and gender identity... (you're not a clone of me are you?)
My psychological disorder was diagnosed as "Aspergers", which is a form of anti social autism... yet, now years later, I'm the opposite I think. I feel guilty about everything, I'm told that I'm "overly sensitive" when it comes to social situations, and I've been labeled "girly" and "feminine" even though I'm a 6 foot 155 lb adult guy.

I'm sad when I hear about other's pain and suffering, and so I often feel worthless in the face of life, because I can't help people even if I want to help. I've often felt like the world doesn't need me, but I guess I chose to live because I refuse to let life go. I try to stay strong and hope and try to improve the world, as much for others as myself.

I've never been in a relationship: in highschool, girls treated me like that "big friendly dude" that you can talk to because he's either gay or disinterested. I guess, mentally, I'm a girl. I also have my manly side, that's angry and vengeful, but he's usually quiet, like half of me is sleeping. Anyway, that was weird... well enjoy my weird ramblings.
Posted 11/3/15 , edited 11/3/15
I can totally relate, Insanerino, about wanting to help but can't. I'm a deeply sensitive person, I'm even classed as an empath by my psychologist; for those not sure what it is, I feel the emotions another is feeling, being real life or television, film etc. It can be extremely overwhelming, and when I can't help someone who's in pain and suffering, I can't stand it. I feel worthless and helpless that I can't, like i'm a sub-par human being. I even went vegan for this reason, I try to help anyone I can. But situations in places like Syria and the Middle East just gets me all twisted up.

I don't have a gender identity issue, but I certainly feel like I have no identity sometimes. I'm disinterested/interested in things in a manner of waves, but sides of my personality clash. For example, i'm quite 'girly' on one hand, I love dresses, fashion, books and crafting. On the other, I'm a super geek, I adore scifi, anime, graphic novels, video games and all that. I know it's a matter of society being messed up enough to say you can only be one or the other and it shouldn't matter if i'm both, but you should see the weird looks I get or being called a "fake geek girl" if I dress feminine and go to a comic book shop or whatever.

It seems kind of whiny compared to the deep issues you guys are having, but it really is quite challenging for me to deal with.
Posted 11/4/15 , edited 11/4/15
Sure I guess I post.

As I got older I dropped out of school and realized it was a mistake. I thought it would fix my problems, being depression and ADD. Fix my want to die. But it only made it worse. So far in my life, the last two years or so, I've just wasted time trying to live out my life before I killed myself. I was going to do some on July 25, my birthday but I decided to get help instead. I started taking anti depressants and they have not helped me. I barely have the will to do anything because my depression and when I do something, my ADD messes with me and doesn't let me. I don't have a job and these problems prevent me from working atm. My mother is too poor to help me so I've been seeing a doctor at a free medical place. I'm seeing a psychiatrist in December, and my only hope really is to get some medication for my ADD. If anti depressants can't help me I'll have to be sad and just have ADD medicine. I'd rather 'cure' both. I've always hated my life and still do. I feel so lonely most of the time and I even comment on things like this just to feel in a group, to feel less lonely. I don't think people will ever be able to understand me and I don't think I'll ever have a SO i'll care about.

Today I took some allergy medicine to sleep all day. Slept from 4:00AM to about 3:00 PM the next day. I still want to just die though. Nobody can help me really. Nothing can. I've already ruined my life and I am so far behind. I wish I could just be normal and get a job like everyone else and just be human. I don't know why I am so different from everyone. Why I am the broken one. I feel so worthless myself. I'm a broken human. I don't know why I am even writing this tbh. I guess to vent? I'll probably just go see the psychiatrist in December and if things do not get better I'll probably still just end my life. And if anyone actually reads this, don't feel guilt or feel compelled to try to help me. It's ok.
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18 / M / California
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Posted 11/4/15
I'm black.
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23 / M / A town called "Ci...
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Posted 11/4/15
I want to create an anime/manga franchise that is yuri loli.

It's first a magical girl series and then has its own AU franchise.


That AU is "Schoolyard Bloodhound Megumi".

And its supposed to be a violent and dark...and well sexual take on the "cute girls doing cute things" genre.
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F / West
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Posted 11/4/15

furytime wrote:

Sure I guess I post.

As I got older I dropped out of school and realized it was a mistake. I thought it would fix my problems, being depression and ADD. Fix my want to die. But it only made it worse. So far in my life, the last two years or so, I've just wasted time trying to live out my life before I killed myself. I was going to do some on July 25, my birthday but I decided to get help instead. I started taking anti depressants and they have not helped me. I barely have the will to do anything because my depression and when I do something, my ADD messes with me and doesn't let me. I don't have a job and these problems prevent me from working atm. My mother is too poor to help me so I've been seeing a doctor at a free medical place. I'm seeing a psychiatrist in December, and my only hope really is to get some medication for my ADD. If anti depressants can't help me I'll have to be sad and just have ADD medicine. I'd rather 'cure' both. I've always hated my life and still do. I feel so lonely most of the time and I even comment on things like this just to feel in a group, to feel less lonely. I don't think people will ever be able to understand me and I don't think I'll ever have a SO i'll care about.

Today I took some allergy medicine to sleep all day. Slept from 4:00AM to about 3:00 PM the next day. I still want to just die though. Nobody can help me really. Nothing can. I've already ruined my life and I am so far behind. I wish I could just be normal and get a job like everyone else and just be human. I don't know why I am so different from everyone. Why I am the broken one. I feel so worthless myself. I'm a broken human. I don't know why I am even writing this tbh. I guess to vent? I'll probably just go see the psychiatrist in December and if things do not get better I'll probably still just end my life. And if anyone actually reads this, don't feel guilt or feel compelled to try to help me. It's ok.


Hi,
Can you please make sure you share with the psychiatrist in December all that you shared here please. It is best to be honest, about everything. I am wishing the best for you when you seek some help in December, but you must tell the professional about your suicide thoughts. There are people who do care about people they don't even know. It wouldn't be okay for me in my heart to not tell you that. I am compelled to say that you matter in the grand scheme of things.
I see a shrink
Posted 11/4/15

CalifCat wrote:


furytime wrote:

Sure I guess I post.

As I got older I dropped out of school and realized it was a mistake. I thought it would fix my problems, being depression and ADD. Fix my want to die. But it only made it worse. So far in my life, the last two years or so, I've just wasted time trying to live out my life before I killed myself. I was going to do some on July 25, my birthday but I decided to get help instead. I started taking anti depressants and they have not helped me. I barely have the will to do anything because my depression and when I do something, my ADD messes with me and doesn't let me. I don't have a job and these problems prevent me from working atm. My mother is too poor to help me so I've been seeing a doctor at a free medical place. I'm seeing a psychiatrist in December, and my only hope really is to get some medication for my ADD. If anti depressants can't help me I'll have to be sad and just have ADD medicine. I'd rather 'cure' both. I've always hated my life and still do. I feel so lonely most of the time and I even comment on things like this just to feel in a group, to feel less lonely. I don't think people will ever be able to understand me and I don't think I'll ever have a SO i'll care about.

Today I took some allergy medicine to sleep all day. Slept from 4:00AM to about 3:00 PM the next day. I still want to just die though. Nobody can help me really. Nothing can. I've already ruined my life and I am so far behind. I wish I could just be normal and get a job like everyone else and just be human. I don't know why I am so different from everyone. Why I am the broken one. I feel so worthless myself. I'm a broken human. I don't know why I am even writing this tbh. I guess to vent? I'll probably just go see the psychiatrist in December and if things do not get better I'll probably still just end my life. And if anyone actually reads this, don't feel guilt or feel compelled to try to help me. It's ok.


Hi,
Can you please make sure you share with the psychiatrist in December all that you shared here please. It is best to be honest, about everything. I am wishing the best for you when you seek some help in December, but you must tell the professional about your suicide thoughts. There are people who do care about people they don't even know. It wouldn't be okay for me in my heart to not tell you that. I am compelled to say that you matter in the grand scheme of things.
I see a shrink


Don't worry I will, I already told the counselor who is in touch with this person. I am going to give getting help a fighting chance.
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28 / M / Winnipeg
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Posted 11/4/15
My last girlfriend killed herself about two years ago, and I blame myself.

I wrote five long paragraphs detailing why I think it's my fault, though it kind of helped just writing out the whole big confession. But mostly I'm afraid to admit some things on a public forum, especially since it concerns a real, dead woman, and I'm concerned about backlash. I saved the tale, though, so I have something I can email my therapist or psychiatrist -- if I ever choose to get one...
Posted 11/4/15
Every day I'm actually just waiting to die. I don't really know what I truly want in life. Lost all my motivation. The thing is, nothing tragic happened to me, also I don't think I'm diagnosed with any sort of depression so I don't really know why I feel this way. I just feel that I'm a waste of space and want to die. It's not like I have anything better to offer the world. My life should be for someone who will do something better with it. More than I ever could. I'd happily give it up and die. Sometimes, I think about planning a suicide. There's nothing stopping me from committing suicide, but I guess the reason why I haven't yet is because I'm only 22 for now, I want to see how far I go until I can't take it anymore.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 11/4/15
I don't really check for spiders.
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22 / M / Germany
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Posted 11/4/15

Animegirlzvstheworld wrote:

I want to create an anime/manga franchise that is yuri loli.

It's first a magical girl series and then has its own AU franchise.


That AU is "Schoolyard Bloodhound Megumi".

And its supposed to be a violent and dark...and well sexual take on the "cute girls doing cute things" genre.


Bet your ass there's already a hentai like that or at least similiar.
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33 / F / Earth
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Posted 11/4/15
i don`t like people at all, not most of them anyway. i try to get out of social situations as fast as i can. if i could work from home i would rarely leave the house. the only people i would not mind being around are the intelligent ones that i can have intelligent conversations with. i really don`t like being around women. i find them to be shallow narrow minded, and well bitchy. i have zero tolerance for stupidity and lack of common sense that`s why people avoid me and i`m fine with that. i`m not a people pleaser. i have thought of suicide more than once and i did not tell anyone, but i found a way to get out of that stage on my own because nobody really understands me. my family thinks i`m just lazy but they don`t understand that i have problems that stopped me from having a so called normal life to everyone`s standards. at times i can`t get out of bed and i still want to end it all. i realized that the only one you have is yourself to rely on, i really am alone and cannot expect anything good to happen to me so i`m always prepared for the worse. i want to disappear somewhere far away and start over but i know that`s just running away from my problems.
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21 / M / United States
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Posted 11/4/15
I want to quit college. It was interesting during my first semester, but now it feels vacuous and lifeless. Nothing interests me. I lament these feelings because my mother has started going back to school and she seems to enjoy herself, but I'm not. I know you shouldn't really go to college simply for entertainment, but when it feels this vapid it's hard to stay motivated. I apologize if this sounds really 'first world problems-ish" but I'm starting to regret my decision to attend secondary education despite its necessity.
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20 / M / Norway
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Posted 11/4/15
My IRL friends think I am Asexual but I am actually straight. Haha!

I find it tough to live with my immense fear of people, because I want to find someone I can be with for the rest of my life. Someone to love, someone to trust, someone to support. But it isn't possible to find someone like that since I never leave my house.
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