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Post Reply The death of a loved one...
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24 / M / florida
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Posted 11/10/15
It will hurt for a long time, but don't think of the hurt in a bad way.... I have had a lot of death in my life,unlike someone who has posted on this thread i would say some has hurt to the core. I even have some PTSD from two incidences, in one i had watched three of my closest friends die from bullet wounds and the other was watching my grandfathers death (he died with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, so he would forget he had parkinsons and try to walk and fall and scream it went on for months until he died screaming, and i will not go into describe the one with my friends because that is something that makes me shake and it happened ten years ago.)

In all honesty i can relate on some notes but there can never be a mutual understanding in mourning, but what i can give you is some advice.
you may not want to hear this, but i will say it anyway because i understand the pain of loss fairly well.

You have to choose to live for him, to take advantage of the life he could not have. You have to be happy, for his sake. you have to do great in the things you don't enjoy doing, for his sake. you have to push yourself to try the things he would want you to give a shot at, for his sake.
but most importantly
you have to move forward, for your sake.
you will probably avoid moving forward for a bit, and that is completely natural, you can only make so much psychological advances in a day.
there will.... at-least in my own experience, always be a song or a band that relapses you, and you will listen too it when your sad and alone. you might count down the days till the day it happened getting sadder the closer it gets and more stressed, but you have to come to terms with this loss in your own time and on your own terms. when it hit nine years after the death of my friends... and sadly that has haunted me much more then any other death, i decided to try and be positive around the time of year it happened, but i still can't be.... i still get a nasty pit in my chest even thinking about trying to have fun on the day of the year it happened, but i don't stay home anymore. Im not as stressed about it, still a little uneasy.

my point is not that everything will be okay, i get it, i hated it when people would say that. my point is that it gets easier, and you will learn to adapt, the hardest part is coming to terms with not regretting anything that may have happened, and then ultimately, accepting that it happened and that it is not wrong to move on, and carry them with you in a positive way.

my tattoo is on my back, few know why i have it, its a skull breathing out smoke. I call it my chip on my shoulder its on my upper right hand back shoulder blade. i feel like i carry them on my back and it push's me to do better then i can do, and to be as successful as i can be, because ultimately, I want them to know that I remember, and that what i amount to, will have been fueled by our friendship, and never backing down from a challenge because one of them would have accepted it.
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19 / M / "10/10" - IGN
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Posted 11/10/15
I've had family members die before too. I guess I was a bit young, so it added to my resilience (mentally), but you have to just move on.

Ask yourself this: Would your husband have wanted you to spend your days, sad and down, mourning him and never smiling again?
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27 / F / Washington ツ
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Posted 11/10/15

Dark_Alma -

It does help, thank you very much. Please don't think of it as useless, I would never think that about someone's response when they are really taking the time to do so. It means a lot to me that anyone has taken the time to respond, and I really do appreciate it. I'm glad that there are people willing to comment, tell about their histories, and vent if need be.

I'm so sorry you have lost so many people you've cared for. I understand all too well about suicide, as someone I cared for very much killed themselves in 2012. It seems that death can either hit someone multiple times or not at all. I'm fortunate to have people in my life that understand what loss means, and although it's a shame anyone has to go through that kind of hurt, it's important to have those people in your life that understand. I'm sorry that anyone has to be well versed though, because there's just so much pain that goes along with that. It can really either break down a person or build them up, you know?

I'm trying to let it out slowly, but I just hope I'm not keeping it too in at times also. I seem to break down the most while in the car, and especially around his sister, which breaks me down even more because I know she hasn't properly been grieving at all while I'm with her most weekends. That makes sense with what you said, I never thought about it like that - paying to listen feeling fake, I suppose you're right!

All I've been doing is cleaning, I guess I'm quite the opposite from how your grandfather used to be. I have left his areas alone, however, and haven't slept on our bed since two days after he passed - I just can't do it. I'm trying to get back to some type of normalcy, but it doesn't seem to be working.



Lukedollo -

Thank you so much for telling me your history. It means a lot to know that I'm not alone in my grief, and that there are so many people out there that understand what I'm going through. Although I truly feel alone in my sadness and where I'm at right now, I know there are still people who care, even if they don't call anymore.

It was all just overwhelmingly sudden, although there are so many who have passed that have been. It just feels like my world is upside-down, and I don't know how to straighten it. The worst part of it all is that I have to go through this, I have to figure out this life without him when he has been apart of it for so long now. I don't know... I just feel like I'm breaking at times. I'm sorry I brought this here. I'm sure this is far too intense a subject. Maybe I wasn't ready to join this site...


Insanerino wrote:

I've had family members die before too. I guess I was a bit young, so it added to my resilience (mentally), but you have to just move on.

Ask yourself this: Would your husband have wanted you to spend your days, sad and down, mourning him and never smiling again?


I know he wouldn't, but I'm not sure how to get out of it at this point. As that popular quote goes, 'Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there is great love.' I believe that to be true at this point, although everyone's different, and that's not to say that those who don't grief deeply don't love the one's that have passed.. It's just a nice quote I think about.
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24 / M / florida
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Posted 11/10/15
dont fret over something like a single thread in the vastness of the internet, if you ever wanted this gone you could contact a moderator and they will make it go away, but this subject is nothing too intense, its human in nature.
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27 / F / Washington ツ
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Posted 11/10/15

lukedollo wrote:

dont fret over something like a single thread in the vastness of the internet, if you ever wanted this gone you could contact a moderator and they will make it go away, but this subject is nothing too intense, its human in nature.


:) Thanks for giving me another perspective on this thread. I just don't know if there have been threads that have a serious tone to them. I wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb while only being on this site for a day, but welp, I guess I sort of already did that, didn't I? It's good to know that I could get this taken down, I had no idea all I had to do was contact a moderator, thank you for letting me know!
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24 / M / florida
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Posted 11/10/15

MrsAmor wrote:


lukedollo wrote:

dont fret over something like a single thread in the vastness of the internet, if you ever wanted this gone you could contact a moderator and they will make it go away, but this subject is nothing too intense, its human in nature.


:) Thanks for giving me another perspective on this thread. I just don't know if there have been threads that have a serious tone to them. I wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb while only being on this site for a day, but welp, I guess I sort of already did that, didn't I? It's good to know that I could get this taken down, I had no idea all I had to do was contact a moderator, thank you for letting me know!


I had a thread like this once, and I had a mod take it down because people were commenting on it so quickly and i realized they were very right, and it scared me and i had no idea how to respond, so he took it down and I've privately messaged some of the people who responded , and then i avoided replying to anything for a few weeks until "the heat died down". but i was over reacting, there was no need for me to feel like the world was over from one post XD.

so relax!
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52 / M / Bay Area
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Posted 11/10/15

MrsAmor wrote:


lukedollo wrote:

dont fret over something like a single thread in the vastness of the internet, if you ever wanted this gone you could contact a moderator and they will make it go away, but this subject is nothing too intense, its human in nature.


:) Thanks for giving me another perspective on this thread. I just don't know if there have been threads that have a serious tone to them. I wouldn't want to stick out like a sore thumb while only being on this site for a day, but welp, I guess I sort of already did that, didn't I? It's good to know that I could get this taken down, I had no idea all I had to do was contact a moderator, thank you for letting me know!


Talking about your situation sometimes is easier with people outside your circle like a thread you created. Its a different perspective on things sometimes it even helps with healing process like a small band-aide
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27 / F / Washington ツ
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Posted 11/10/15

scoobydew

Talking about your situation sometimes is easier with people outside your circle like a thread you created. Its a different perspective on things sometimes it even helps with healing process like a small band-aide


I believe you're definitely correct in saying that it's easier. It really is. I think that it's easier for many different reasons, but the biggest one that I can think of is that you're not talking to people you personally know, therefore you aren't afraid of any personal judgement that may come from it. In my case, I'm a very sensitive person, and do tend to shy away from things that may be too out of my comfort zone, but this has still helped in a few different ways, and I don't regret posting this. I do enjoy reading everyone's different perspectives and how they have chosen to handle their own loss, whether it be emotional or not. It is definitely like a small band-aide, it sure is!
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Posted 11/10/15

MrsAmor wrote:


supaspem wrote:

I only feel it after i see how someone else is broken up over it. That's what breaks my heart, seeing them feeling strong emotion. It feels good after crying it out with them


I wish I had that good feeling after crying, but I'm usually exhausted and then just end up going to sleep. It's a wash, rinse, repeat type of thing going on at this point. I can't seem to get ahold of it.


I see, ugly crying, huh? For me, as soon as i become aware of the tears, i end up going in a daze and that's what calms me down. Staring off into space is my therapy
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27 / F / Washington ツ
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Posted 11/10/15

supaspem

I see, ugly crying, huh? For me, as soon as i become aware of the tears, i end up going in a daze and that's what calms me down. Staring off into space is my therapy


Ohhhh, the ugliest of crying. It's pretty terrible lol. I usually end up in a car with my sister-in-law, in a ball of tears because some song or another came on and... Yeah, it's all over from there. Laughing one minute, in a heap in the next, it's crazy. I need to stare at more stuff apparently.

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17 / M / California
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Posted 11/10/15
When my Grandfather passed, I didn`t feel much. I did indeed feel sad, but it was probably due to the lack of connection with the man. Though so close, you know what I mean?

Nothing wrong with being emotional. It`s only right you are feeling this way.

"Time heals all wounds" - ???

I think it`s just bound to happen overtime. Thinking in prospective, is very emotional: we`ll grow old, people will die, friends will be gone and we are left behind, then things change. Then in positive: we grow, we laugh, meet new friends, love, change for the better, start again and again.

I don`t know what life wants. Or do we make that decision on what we want?

Take care, MrsAmor.



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