Post Reply Read my manga
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Posted 11/16/15
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F / The Great White N...
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Posted 11/16/15 , edited 11/16/15
Okay~

Oh my, it's really good up to the point I have read so far! I'll definitely keep reading!

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Posted 11/18/15
awesome manga...love the art
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Posted 11/18/15 , edited 11/18/15
This is just my first impression of the first 24 pages, but the story and art all seem perfect. I'm not an artist or anything, so I don't know how much that's worth. There are some issues with the text bubbles though.

page 15 - typo, centre bottom frame: *festival
page 24 - awkward wording, top right frame: *who is your god?
missing punctuation, bottom right frame: *who is your god?
typo, bottom middle: *cower, *god's, (also, if his speech is being cut off I would use a hyphen rather than ...)

Overall, some text bubbles have words being cut off into the next line. It would be better to fix them or insert hyphens. Some pages are showing up smaller than others and it makes them hard to read (ie. page 4, 13, 16, 17, 19, etc.).

If you want I could go through all the pages when I have a little more free time and send you my detailed thoughts.
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14 / M
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Posted 11/18/15
Ooh good job, love the art and its intresting.
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Posted 12/13/15
The art is stunning omg :0
Sometimes the wording is a little awkward but it doesn't get in the way of the story too much
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Posted 1/13/16
The art is very good, you obviously put a lot of work in to and it shows. My only criticism of it is how structured the art feels, (and really I only mention it because I want to give you something to work on in that respect). Most of the expressions feel like they've come straight out of a 'how to draw manga faces" book and I felt like you went very light with many of the traditional toners and usage of speed lines that you see in professional works. But still really great art.

Story was easily the weaker part, maybe it wasn't my flavor though. The one thing I am sure was off is the dialogue, it feels very forced. Commenting things like "a woman fighter what a sight to behold" forces character into cliches, much of the dialogue (in my humble opinion) was simply far to direct, speak with the expressions more, be a little more subtle.

Trying to be constructive with my criticism^^^^
All in all, very very good, I will probably be reading more.
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33 / M
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Posted 1/14/16
Looking good so far! I can only wish i could do something like that.
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Posted 1/15/16
Arts good. I would look a bit into the pacing and build up aka suspense aspect of writing. Also I would vary the shape of your speech bubbles a bit more as there are certain dialogue instances where I would definitely skew the original shape of the bubble. Other than that though, good work. Keep it up!
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