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Created by jtjumper
Would this be cruel for someone to say?
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31 / M / Marshall, Michigan
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Posted 11/19/15
Suppose a moderately wealthy man moves from a nice home in a low crime area to an area where there is a lot of crime. In the small secluded town he used to live in, nobody locked their doors and everyone felt safe. After moving the new more crime heavy neighborhood, he still refuses to lock his door. He gets robbed. Some neighbor makes the comment, "He should have locked his door. What did he think would happen?"

Is that statement a victim-blaming statement? Is it cruel?
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Posted 11/19/15
Always strive not to kick someone when they're down, tbh. There's a nicer way to put it, but it shouldn't be said until after the victim has recuperated.
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18 / M / The Bay
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Posted 11/19/15
It's hard not to say it if people kept telling him that he should have, it's more like stating the obvious at that point.
Posted 11/19/15
The police said that to me once, even though the door was locked.
Worth a formal complaint.
Posted 11/19/15 , edited 11/19/15
It is always cruel to rub it in, especially if they already get the point. "I told you so" is but a small cruelty however, and can outweigh the need to be free of cruelty when the person needs a hard dose of reality. However, one might say it is not cruel if phrased politely. So don't be cruel and phrase it politely. Do it for the person, not for your own smug self satisfaction.
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Posted 11/19/15
Given this was in a neighborhood known for robberies, and he could have prevented the entire thing if he had locked his door, he most certainly should have locked his door, but rubbing it in is not ok however.
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Posted 11/19/15
There are much more tactful ways to approach the situation.

And I feel for the person. I used to live in the type of town where I never had to lock my doors.
Then I moved to DC
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M / The Nightosphere
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Posted 11/19/15
Why would it be cruel, it's the truth as well as common sense. It is unfortunate but ultimately, it's the guys own fault.

Though in this age of people being too sensitive for their own good, it may just end up being cruel.

/sigh
Posted 11/19/15 , edited 11/19/15
No. "... Still refuses to lock his doors..." That wording implies that he stubbornly did so, despite knowing full well of the risks and high likelihood of being robbed. Hell, I suspect that the rhetorical man may have even had ulterior motives, and wanted his goods to be stolen. Insurance, not giving a damn, easy way to get rid of unwanted items, etc...

I'd say it.


More than half the time, "victim-blaming" is a fun way of saying "refusal to accept personal responsibility." "Enabling" is a thing, too.
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F / United Kingdom
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Posted 11/19/15
Of course we should be able to live in a world where everyone is nice, abides by the law and can leave their doors unlocked. But really, that's just far too optimistic. Even if you live in a nice area with low crime you should lock your door.
Posted 11/20/15
I don't think people should be too trusting of others.
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Posted 1/25/17
Forum Clean up. Old 2015 threads Locked.
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