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Post Reply Fantasizing about Death
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Hoosierville
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Posted 11/19/15

Dark_Alma wrote:




Die a warriors death or GTFO. Go join the Kurds and fight ISIS if you want to die honourably.


I prefer not to get dragged into a religious war. I tend to dislike religion.. I have no reason to die for it. Now if I died for someone I cared about, then I wouldn't mind dying honorably.


Its not a religious war for the Kurds. Its a war of extermination against them. If ISIS succeeds they all die or abandon their homes. They have to fight to live.
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20 / Cold and High
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Posted 11/20/15
Why did you wish death? alone? bad stuff happend?

Well I had dreams of it when I was little, this no joke but
I was dreaming of my dad binding me in a chair and shooting arrows through my knee, and then in a car bitten by a snake and driving off a cliff.
Posted 11/20/15
I fantasized about dying an honorable death for my beloved. Until I watched Gintama, and realized it is better to "live beautifully till the end".



Case in point? Watch Gintama.
Posted 11/20/15
Well I guess I've thought about death. If I do go, I want to go out with a bang like saving someone's life or something. Other than that, I'll just wait for my time to come.
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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/20/15

PrinceJudar wrote:


Dark_Alma wrote:

I could try and pull myself together, but if Americans have taught me one thing. It isn't worth it. Also, last time you suggested that book to me, I read it. Good read, didn't find much of it applying to my life though.

In all honesty, helping myself is the least of my worries. I got 18 or so years left before I get cremated =p If thinking about my death calms me down and gets me to the next day, I think I will stick to that.

Also, I said this in another thread.. Professional help is so fake. I cant trust the advice of someone I pay to listen to me. I have been to over 15 different therapists over my life and they all say the same shit... and it doesn't help in the least! I actually feel happier when I don't have to talk to them. If I have a close friend I can talk to... that advice is worth 100x more than that of paid advice. I just don't like talking to my close friends about that stuff. They have their own shit to deal with. Rather not share the burden.


If you're fantasizing about death as much as you say, you could very well be schizophrenic. You have to go in when it's this bad, man. It's affecting your daily life, that much was just made obvious to me. You have to go in.

The thing is, the journey doesn't end with drugs or professional help, but it will help you start to deal with it. You haven't been dealing with it. At all. It's time to begin doing that.



Sadly I don't have a voice in my head telling me what to do. They already tested me for that. Back when Asperger's wasn't well known they tested me for about 15 or 16 different things. I am sure if I did have the voice he would tell me answers for the damn tests I have to take.

The reason I most likely want death is due to the fact that I have been told to die by superiors and fellows for about 17 years! It gets to you, dont'ca'know.
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 11/20/15 , edited 11/20/15
i do all the time.
some days i really want to build my carbon monoxide generator, put on the mask, down a few pills and just go to sleep and never wake up. its so damn appealing some days. like today, when i found out i have to move. not like i have any way in the matter. or anywhere to go. my life is so not in control anymore, i think my holding on to my exit bag (mask?) keeps me sane.
well, soon enough im outta here. im'a move to the forrest, play homeless camper for a few months, get goverment assistance, then get in to a group home for the crazy people. or if that dont work out, then its back to the carbon monoxide generator induced eternal bliss to finally shut the hell up the damn voices. 4 months and 10 day till the forrest opens up again to cars.......
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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/20/15

PeripheralVisionary wrote:

I fantasized about dying an honorable death for my beloved. Until I watched Gintama, and realized it is better to "live beautifully till the end".



Case in point? Watch Gintama.


I love Gintama. I am on the current episode. I don't think my funeral would be that lavish. My will just says my stuff goes to family and friends... then I get turned into ash and dumped into the ocean! God I wanted to type more, but avoiding spoilers OP.
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 11/20/15 , edited 11/20/15

Dark_Alma wrote:

Sadly I don't have a voice in my head telling me what to do. They already tested me for that. Back when Asperger's wasn't well known they tested me for about 15 or 16 different things. I am sure if I did have the voice he would tell me answers for the damn tests I have to take.

The reason I most likely want death is due to the fact that I have been told to die by superiors and fellows for about 17 years! It gets to you, dont'ca'know.


Schizophrenia isn't always as simple as a voice in the head. I have a friend that has it, it's a type of disconnection. Regardless, you could very well have something else going on.

If that's the reason you have to get over it. You can't keep screwing your life over it. You're doing this to yourself. Plenty of people go through tough shit, but there always comes a time you have to get out of it. You can't stay in it.

If you need professional help to give you a running start, than get that. Sitting there and wallowing in it is doing you absolutely no good though. I'm not going to pretend what you're doing is any semblance of okay. Staying this way is not an option for you.
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23 / Rainbow Factory
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Posted 11/20/15
I've known since I was like, 7 or 8 how I wanted to kill myself if I ever get there. Shotgun to the heart. As for fantasizing about my death well... I'd say maybe 2-3 times a month or every couple months. Though I will say that suicide and "Wanting to die" is kind of an odd fetish thing for me. Something about it is so... beautiful I guess is the way to describe it.
As for suicide in RL, I say if someone wants to, really wants to, let them do it. Sure people will be sad n stuff, but it's just jealousy and selfishness disguised by love. It won't stop me from trying to resuscitate, but if you really want to i say go for it.
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20 / Cold and High
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Posted 11/20/15 , edited 11/20/15

ZenZaku wrote: Though I will say that suicide and "Wanting to die" is kind of an odd fetish thing for me. Something about it is so... beautiful I guess is the way to describe it.
carefull with that.
(dunno if this is allowed but does not really "show" anything)
wouldn't want to post a IRL of it (but closest I could get by with so just think deeper then that with fetish breathplay/control).

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23 / M / Abyss
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Posted 11/20/15



Schizophrenia isn't always as simple as a voice in the head. I have a friend that has it, it's a type of disconnection. Regardless, you could very well have something else going on.

If that's the reason you have to get over it. You can't keep screwing your life over it. You're doing this to yourself. Plenty of people go through tough shit, but there always comes a time you have to get out of it. You can't stay in it.

If you need professional help to give you a running start, than get that. Sitting there and wallowing in it is doing you absolutely no good though. I'm not going to pretend what you're doing is any semblance of okay. Staying this way is not an option for you.


I already know what I have. However, the general knowledge of this in the USA is rather slim. I will link you some stuff to read so you can understand.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome?gclid=Cj0KEQiApruyBRCFqoDu1pbk9rkBEiQAF8EFdWExDuRpfawFEDEOee-Q1L_Yfb8oXPfzpQATmgNKw-kaAj3r8P8HAQ What we get from the first list here. Socializing is incredibly difficult for me. Americans don't like that, so they outcast you. Humans are social beings, so after a while I start to crave human interaction. However, humans will shut me down and make me feel like shit.
What I get later, I was diagnosed with ADHD (it was false), I also have depression and anxiety as of which is common. Yes, I also have a monotone. Robot Lyfe. Pretty much everything listed in that is something I have. I also have OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder).

http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/10/13/suicidal-thoughts-10-times-more-likely-in-adults-with-aspergers/76016.html First one speaks for itself with title. People with Asperger's have 10 times the chance to think of suicide. "Two-thirds (66 percent) of the respondents reported suicidal thoughts, 35 percent reported plans or attempts at suicide, and 31 percent reported depression." If you also look into what I just gave you... oddly only 31% said they suffer depression? That is just like me in a regard. When I am depressed, I want to commit suicide. When I am not depressed, I just daydream about it. "This means they may be given an incorrect diagnosis such as schizophrenia..." This one made me chuckle a bit. Thank you for being concerned, but I know much more about my disease than most =p
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 11/20/15

Dark_Alma wrote:

I already know what I have. However, the general knowledge of this in the USA is rather slim. I will link you some stuff to read so you can understand.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome?gclid=Cj0KEQiApruyBRCFqoDu1pbk9rkBEiQAF8EFdWExDuRpfawFEDEOee-Q1L_Yfb8oXPfzpQATmgNKw-kaAj3r8P8HAQ What we get from the first list here. Socializing is incredibly difficult for me. Americans don't like that, so they outcast you. Humans are social beings, so after a while I start to crave human interaction. However, humans will shut me down and make me feel like shit.
What I get later, I was diagnosed with ADHD (it was false), I also have depression and anxiety as of which is common. Yes, I also have a monotone. Robot Lyfe. Pretty much everything listed in that is something I have. I also have OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder).

http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/10/13/suicidal-thoughts-10-times-more-likely-in-adults-with-aspergers/76016.html First one speaks for itself with title. People with Asperger's have 10 times the chance to think of suicide. "Two-thirds (66 percent) of the respondents reported suicidal thoughts, 35 percent reported plans or attempts at suicide, and 31 percent reported depression." If you also look into what I just gave you... oddly only 31% said they suffer depression? That is just like me in a regard. When I am depressed, I want to commit suicide. When I am not depressed, I just daydream about it. "This means they may be given an incorrect diagnosis such as schizophrenia..." This one made me chuckle a bit. Thank you for being concerned, but I know much more about my disease than most =p


Probability is not inevitability. OCPD makes perfect sense in this situation, you probably need help getting a grip on that. Welcome to the club. Socializing is difficult for a lot of people, myself included. I just stopped caring about making friends and being normal. Life gets considerably easier. I've been working on my speaking though, it'll probably be handy to learn how to talk and exercise my muscles. I start losing my voice if I talk for just an hour straight.

Those statistics probably come from an old test using terrible methodology by the looks of it. Thinking about suicide offhandedly is normal for a lot of people, and their results were likely a result of poor questioning. Depression isn't a mood that comes and goes on a switch. That's sadness.

You're using your conditions as an excuse. Frankly, it's disturbingly common today.
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Posted 11/20/15 , edited 11/20/15

Dark_Alma wrote:

So... Something has been on my mind for a while. I have tried committing suicide before and nearly succeeded. I think the first time I tried was 5 years old, by jumping off the roof of my house. Ever since then, I have fantasized about my own death, wishing one would come true. Has anyone else fantasized about their death?

If so, is it the reaction of the people around you? What about the act itself? Is it the belief that you will finally be free?

In my case, I just want to leave this world that has shown so little love to me. Do you think it is wrong for someone who's life is utter hell to want to end it? Or do you think the guilt trip of telling that person to live for someone else and not themselves is the right choice?

Also, if you are, how often do you fantasize about your death? I would have to say 7-10 times a month on my end. It just seems so peaceful... I just want the eternal sleep in my life. It seems just so... beautiful I guess.

Share, or don't. Either way, its all good!


So, basically, you had the five-yo's first awareness of it, and then the teen-drama belief that death was just an "artistic personal expression" about your frustration with the world and didn't have any long-lasting permanent effects on your health or social activity?
And, of course, that's without the aforementioned diagnosable problems.

Trust me, it'll get real once you have an actual death in the family--or some other graphic confrontation with it, like avoiding a serious accident--or finally get out of your twenties, whichever comes first.
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14 / M
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Posted 11/20/15
I always think about dying after I save an animal of some sort I get shot and choke blood and die.










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20 / M / Disboard
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Posted 11/20/15
I really do hate this world very much but there are a few things that I care for that keeps me from wanting to die. Anime, a few friends and I also think there is a high possibility of immortality in my life time. Hopefully us turning into machines and able to transfer our now coded brains into any virtual world, the idea of living forever without any worry's in a anime style world makes me want to stay alive for when that time comes and i know that it may very well not but I have to have something to look forward to.
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