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Post Reply Am I weird for...
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M / Sol
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Posted 11/22/15 , edited 11/22/15
This thread is all over the place yeesh.

To the OP I wouldn't say you are weird. You might be short on confidence, and that sounds understandable given your history. I'm in the older crowd on this forum so my set of experiences differ from the average, but for you I'm curious about three things:

Is a deep relationship a driving goal in your life right now? I can't get a feel for how strong it is for you...meaning is it more like a muted voice in the back of your head, or is it a pot that wants to boil over but you've welded on the lid? If it's the former you are fine, but if it's the latter you are going to have trouble if you don't address it.

Where did you look? If the place you are looking are the places looks matter (bar scene, mixers, clubs, etc.) and you aren't in the 7-10 range you are going to have trouble. The girls looking there are judging everything by physical looks, and the same is true for the guys. If you go to a meat market setting and your presentation doesn't read "Angus Beef" then you aren't going to be selected out of the meat case until people are very drunk and the other options have sold out. I'm assuming you aren't interested in a shallow one night thing though.

How did you go about it? Have you been looking solo or as part of a group, and have you been picking based on looks or getting to know people first? For people with average looks you have decent opportunities in a group. Basically your good looking guy gets together with the other groups good looking girl, then the rest pair off since the leaders have already created the link. If you are solo and just randomly ask people who catch your eye then you are doing the equivalent of playing the lotto - sure you might score big but the odds are severely stacked against you. Especially in America we are a perception driven society, and if the only perception you are making available is your external appearance then you are getting the results you are asking for.

Depending on what you are looking for, especially if what you are looking for is a long term relationship and not a tussle or two in the sack, you might want to pursue making friends as your primary goal. It's only once people get to know each other that looks can be put aside, and that's because they have other things they can see about you at that point. You already have hobbies so you can leverage those. Go on Yelp or Meetup or any of those sites that cater to local groups and find a few that center around your hobbies - then go join them when they meet. Or check out your local stores that cater to your hobbies and you can either run into people with the same interests or even find info about groups and events on the store's bulletin board. However you look at it, these interest groups are meeting to talk about the interest - not to hook up - so you aren't going to get rejected when you join them. Not only can you then build friendships that have the potential to become more, but you can also get introduced to others through them and those connections may build to more. Even if nothing else happens you are still able to deepen your enjoyment of your hobbies and share that passion with others who accept it, and that's a huge mental and emotional boon.

Swallow your fear and take a step. That alone gets you closer to the goal than you were.
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 11/22/15 , edited 11/22/15

Magical-Soul wrote:


Well, this is going to be an assumption.

Constant rejection made you rationalize that you're okay with being alone. In the past, there was obviously some version of you that did want to have sex and/or relationships with girls/women. There was the biological and social pressure to get a mate.

After all the rejection. You hamster-thought your way into believing you liked being alone even though it wasn't your choice. Right now, if a decent quality woman decided to pursue you. You have doubt in your mind that you'd reject a healthy young, attractive woman under the pretense that you are happy alone.

The reason for me commenting here is because unlike most people. I try to get into the head of the poster instead of taking their words at face value. If you were a woman, I would have thought this was from scorn, but since is from a man, it's from bitterness and general low morale from the lack of success.

There is something destructive about telling people lies and having people reinforce those lies to destroy you further.

You: "I-I like b-being alone..."


Crowd: "Do what makes YOU happy, fuck listening to everyone else." And "Being alone is fine, do what you want."

Those aren't genuine answers, as they are reinforcing what you're saying. But if you felt this way, this thread wouldn't exist. There comes a time when someone must see through your deception and fish out your real problem because it does seem to affect you(you admitted to it). You are an animal, you are a human. You would enjoy love/sex/compassion/companionship like everyone else and you do want it.

You can sit here and tell me. "I like being unhappy and not doing what I want." But obviously, that makes no sense and I'm not gonna buy it. And neither should anyone else.

27 years old is kinda late to sex but not too serious commitment. You aren't an old man, you aren't expected to be out of the field. Your biological drives and imperatives are still very much at your side waiting to be used. You are far from "officially done" with women.

Again, this is assuming. But I'd bet my money that I'm right on nearly everything.

Being desperate isn't a bad thing, it's there because it wants you to act before it's too late. Don't let yourself down.


Good thing that you mentioned that it's only an assumption because you're only half right.

Firstly, all the rejection did make me pigeonhole my thinking but not into making myself believe that I like being alone. I'm a bit of a people hater in real life.

Like seriously, my friends are literally people that I hate the least out of the general population so not having a girlfriend doesn't make me unhappy in the slightest. If anything, I appreciate the freedom of being single until I go to a place where all the couples are at (which in America seems to be everywhere).

And let's face it at this point, I realize I'm too repulsive to date (even if not physically, something about me made those women not want to interact with me any further) because women have told me enough times that I'm inadequate in multiple ways enough for me to actually start believing it (pictures in profile for those that are curious).

I don't hate myself for being ugly though, I embrace it because it just motivates me to work harder in other areas to better myself in (not for the ladies, mind you, but for myself).

Also, I believe romance, love and sex are pressured concepts simply because people have this need to breed and I hate having responsibilities like that just thrown at me so rather than bow down to the pressure of "I HAVE TO CONFIRM MY MANHOOD BY HAVING AS MUCH SEX AS POSSIBLE, RAWRGH!", I just rather do what I want to do.

And let's face it, if women wanted to have sex with me, nothing's really stopping them from at least telling me so.

I'm also not unhappy about being single, the question is simply if I'm wrong for not being unhappy about it and the common vote has it, I'm not (at least not on Crunchyroll) so I appreciate the response.

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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 11/22/15

supaspem wrote:


Kid2daKrazx wrote:


supaspem wrote:

Complete inaction is further reducing your chances. You have to know you're still desirable even if you now prefer the single life. It's good for your mental health. Go lead on some chicks without the desire to be with them


what's to stop them from not being interested?


It's because you're interesting now, of course! More interesting than when you were chasing them :lol:
And please don't talk about being ugly. That has never stopped anyone before! Maybe smoke a bit of weed before going out.. :D


I don't smoke, bro. I need money for more important things but thanks for the words of reassurance
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 11/22/15

bakoi wrote:

Stop looking pal, they will come if you're not looking. I don't know how, but women know when you're "thirsty". If you stop, they will come


the thing is, I actually did stop looking but I was being told that this is weird in a bad way for it, but I'm starting to see that that's not true, thanks for the advice though
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 11/22/15

supaspem wrote:


Kid2daKrazx wrote:


supaspem wrote:

Complete inaction is further reducing your chances. You have to know you're still desirable even if you now prefer the single life. It's good for your mental health. Go lead on some chicks without the desire to be with them


what's to stop them from not being interested?


It's because you're interesting now, of course! More interesting than when you were chasing them :lol:
And please don't talk about being ugly. That has never stopped anyone before! Maybe smoke a bit of weed before going out.. :D


leading people on is really not ok
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20 / M / Bundaberg, Queens...
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Posted 11/22/15

Magical-Soul wrote:


Mrcreepday wrote:

I wish I could feel like being single was okay. Less things to worry about xD
Be happy you ain't some desperate fool like myself. You can focus on school/work without thinking of being alone and whatnot. + girls are scary creatures anyway!


It's makes me wanna bang my head against a wall every time a young man says he's lonely. There are so many male groups online that have the sole intention of providing pussy for all but I still read stuff like this. Lol

You're 19. With the proper knowledge and discipline. You have a golden road ahead of you.


Cause lonely = want's sex.

Lonely to me is wanting someone to spend time with you and them no one else.
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21 / F / Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted 11/22/15
So we just proved some things.

1. You are feeling burned by women(and to a lesser extent, people in general)

2. You do believe the rejection has shaped your own image of your self esteem

3. You do feel pressured by society(so you do care about what people think)

4. You feel shamed by women(or everyone to have sex) so you feel rebellion is a good option.

5. You have come to terms that you're the "problem" for the rejection.

So let's take this lightly this time.

Women are bitches, and I agree that you shouldn't feel pressured to go get one of these cunts.

Second, the rejection has an impact on everyone, but being social isn't a full time job. You can approach girls or do a night out hobby with your buds a couple nights sometimes.

Third, yes society tells you to get a girlfriend. That would be good idea is most women weren't cunts, but they are. So it is a bad idea to aggressively pursue for a relationship.

Fourth, that is not society pressuring you. That's your sex drive that's causing you to seek women in the first place. It's important to be honest with yourself at this point. You are pursuing women with the primary intention of sex. How do I know this? Because this is biologically the only reason why women specifically would appeal to you, if you didn't find them attractive. You wouldn't go for them.

Don't say: "Nah, I don't just want sex."

It's not that it's the only reason, but it's the biggest reason. You don't seek out men and you're not saying men rejected you because you're not attracted to them. There's nothing "womanly" worth having if the relationship is purely on a feelings/fictitious concept.

You want sex not because society told you too but because you're equipped and meant to tail chase to grow your family.

Fifth, you said you've come to terms with women rejecting you for whatever reason. But that doesn't indicate anything as we know nothing about you other than from what you've told us. Women reject 80% of men in the world and they all want the top 20% in whatever area they are in. They aren't rejecting you because there's anything "wrong" with you, but maybe because you're less like a man and more of a androgynous in between like most "Nice Guys" who don't possess enough testosterone. Not even enough to admit that sex is your primary agenda for approaching.

And if it's not, you should be happy with just friends and men around you. But if you were, this never would have been a thread, now would it?

If society/your parent(s)/women has managed to remove all your masculine inclinations and you're fine without sex and you really are fine with just men and female friends. Than you'll be fine and you're not "weird", if you don't need it, that's fine. I wouldn't encourage a gay man to go seek sex with women, but a straight guy in denial, I would. But since you claim to not need it. You wouldn't be straight(anymore) but asexual.

Asexual, something that most users claim on otaku forums when they haven't had any sexual success.

I'm not trying to be rude at all, and I apologize if I offended you, but if you're seriously fine where you are. Like everyone else said, you don't need validation from Crunchyroll(bad place to build a self esteem, these people fail at sex much like you). If you need validation than you are probably lying about being "happy" with your current situation.

If you're not lying and you've decided you really don't need women. Than you'll be fine alone.

The only question I have left is...

How do you know you're happier(not unhappy) without women if you've never enjoyed the sexual and romantic companionship of one? I wish I could show you the positives of having femininity complement your masculinity, assuming you had any masculinity remaining(not an insult).

If you are sure of yourself, you'll be just fine.

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18 / F / Hell
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Posted 11/22/15
You're not weird. You do you man
Posted 11/22/15
Nah you aren't. I suppose relationships aren't for everyone.

Your happiness come first in life. If your happy with being single, then there is no need to change anything. People judge all the time...it's nothing new.
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 11/22/15 , edited 11/22/15

I'm a virgin at 27, I don't really think I'm biologically supposed to miss sex at this point and in all honesty, if it was aesthetically possible I could care even less about it.

However, It really does feel like I'm being told by society and the masses to date and have sex though with all the media and overall "togetherness" atmosphere and the couples everywhere y'know?

I'm not saying that I'm happier than people that are in a relationship or having a lot of sex as much as I'm saying that I have freedom to do what I want, most people in a relationship don't exhibit that behavior without y'know..cheating or doing something quite dastardly.

I'm personally not offended, though since I'm used to women pointing out my flaws so no harm, yo...however, it is kinda brutal to say that the crunchy community don't have good luck with the romance field when a few posters on here mentioned that they don't have to worry about being rejected. I know you were just trying to prove a point but that's a little rough, y'know?

In short: I'm ugly, I got rejected a lot, I gave up, I'm happier because the pressure's off, felt the need to question if this is bad or not...was reassured that it's not bad, I feel better.

back to being a nerd and feeling a bit better about it, y'know?
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40 / M / USA
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Posted 11/22/15 , edited 11/22/15
The whole notion that people need to be with someone, have kids and live the "American dream" is utter bs. Do whatever makes you happy. Hasn't bothered me all my life and I would have no trouble at all finding someone if I chose to. Though I don't feel emotions generally so that could be why.
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20 / Cold and High
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Posted 11/22/15
If you get another desire then this sex lust if that what you want to say it is you are feeling then, you could make that lust go away if you have something else to do like a job, hobby etc.

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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 11/22/15

Freddy96NO wrote:

If you get another desire then this sex lust if that what you want to say it is you are feeling then, you could make that lust go away if you have something else to do like a job, hobby etc.



wait, what are you referring to?
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21 / F / Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted 11/22/15

Kid2daKrazx wrote:


I'm a virgin at 27, I don't really think I'm biologically supposed to miss sex at this point and in all honesty, if it was aesthetically possible I could care even less about it.

However, It really does feel like I'm being told by society and the masses to date and have sex though with all the media and overall "togetherness" atmosphere and the couples everywhere y'know?

I'm not saying that I'm happier than people that are in a relationship or having a lot of sex as much as I'm saying that I have freedom to do what I want, most people in a relationship don't exhibit that behavior without y'know..cheating or doing something quite dastardly.

I'm personally not offended, though since I'm used to women pointing out my flaws so no harm, yo...however, it is kinda brutal to say that the crunchy community don't have good luck with the romance field when a few posters on here mentioned that they don't have to worry about being rejected. I know you were just trying to prove a point but that's a little rough, y'know?

In short: I'm ugly, I got rejected a lot, I gave up, I'm happier because the pressure's off, felt the need to question if this is bad or not...was reassured that it's not bad, I feel better.

back to being a nerd and feeling a bit better about it, y'know?


Feeling a bit better? Why? I thought it didn't bother you? Or did you mean you're "happier" and you weren't sad in the first place?

Because you said "being a nerd and feeling a bit better about it" made it seem like you weren't feeling good about it in the first place.

It really feels like I'm on to something, but it could be nothing.... Take care!
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27 / M
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Posted 11/22/15
You come into this world alone and you're going to die alone, even if you're married with kids. Your death is uniquely yours and nobody can share it with you the way you experience it.

You need to be okay with being single and being a complete person before you're fit to enter a relationship, IMO.

I think this is what people mean when they say things like "love yourself" and "be yourself" lol

They aren't telling you to be egotistical and arrogant, but to become accepting of yourself. I do find that relationships and love interests tend to pop up more naturally once you stop going out of your way to look for them.

I like the freedom of being single. It's something we miss a lot in relationships. Although companionship is nice, freedom is nice, too. We can't completely sacrifice one for the other but we do yearn for what we don't have when we don't have it for too long.
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