Post Reply An Open Letter to Viruses
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23 / M / California
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Posted 12/15/15
Dear viruses,


I'm not sure if you're aware, but things have changed quite a bit over the past 4 billion years. You may not have an understanding of the concept of more, but there are now more things here than when you started rummaging around through primordial grease bubbles for a quick snack. There are even more of you if you can believe it. That's right. The thing you bumped into is one of them. Those grease bubbles you like so much are here in force too. They even come in clumps which to you seem incomprehensibly big. In the presence of so much stuff you don't under stand, I can see why you feel the need to have more of you than the clump. Being an ambassador of these clumps, I can assure you that we are nothing to be afraid of. We wouldn't even have bothered to check for you if you didn't go on genocidal panic attacks every time you ran into one of us. You may not have a concept of time, but lets just say that you made 1918 pretty hard on us. In fact, you would be pretty disgusted by what you've been doing if you had any concept of disgust. To try to put it into perspective, imagine a bunch of us climbing inside of you and having an orgy until you exploded.

Pretty gross right? Now you might have a better idea as to why you are sick or dying as you read this. The clumps don't like it when tiny things use their grease balls as data transfer dungeons. We watch that kind of thing to a degree that would make you disgusted with us, but we prefer not to get involved. We especially prefer not to be the dungeon. You know there are other data brothels that aren't in clumps. They just float around on their flagellum begging to be the hosts of your new mating party, and we would like to see less of those since they seem to know what they're doing.

I propose then that in order for there to be more of you and for us to stop trying to make less of you, go for those floating things. I know that they aren't very scary like the clumps, but the clumps are very afraid of you. The clumps need the majority of their grease balls to stay motile, and anything that makes less of us faces a chance of becoming none. I know you don't mean it. I'd hate to see your proto-life end before reading this, so for your sake, get out of me right now. You're not welcome, and I will kill all of you.

You have been warned.


Sincerely:

A clump.
Werina 
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LOSERVILLE
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Posted 12/15/15 , edited 12/15/15
thas was very clumpsy to read
Posted 12/15/15
*sneaks out the back door*
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27 / M / USA
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Posted 12/15/15
Disgusting
2742 cr points
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M / The Nightosphere
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Posted 12/15/15
35017 cr points
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F
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Posted 12/15/15

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:

Dear viruses,

I'm not sure if you're aware, but things have changed quite a bit over the past 4 billion years. You may not have an understanding of the concept of more, but there are now more things here than when you started rummaging around through primordial grease bubbles for a quick snack. There are even more of you if you can believe it. That's right. The thing you bumped into is one of them. Those grease bubbles you like so much are here in force too. They even come in clumps which to you seem incomprehensibly big. In the presence of so much stuff you don't under stand, I can see why you feel the need to have more of you than the clump. Being an ambassador of these clumps, I can assure you that we are nothing to be afraid of. We wouldn't even have bothered to check for you if you didn't go on genocidal panic attacks every time you ran into one of us. You may not have a concept of time, but lets just say that you made 1918 pretty hard on us. In fact, you would be pretty disgusted by what you've been doing if you had any concept of disgust. To try to put it into perspective, imagine a bunch of us climbing inside of you and having an orgy until you exploded.

Pretty gross right? Now you might have a better idea as to why you are sick or dying as you read this. The clumps don't like it when tiny things use their grease balls as data transfer dungeons. We watch that kind of thing to a degree that would make you disgusted with us, but we prefer not to get involved. We especially prefer not to be the dungeon. You know there are other data brothels that aren't in clumps. They just float around on their flagellum begging to be the hosts of your new mating party, and we would like to see less of those since they seem to know what they're doing.

I propose then that in order for there to be more of you and for us to stop trying to make less of you, go for those floating things. I know that they aren't very scary like the clumps, but the clumps are very afraid of you. The clumps need the majority of their grease balls to stay motile, and anything that makes less of us faces a chance of becoming none. I know you don't mean it. I'd hate to see your proto-life end before reading this, so for your sake, get out of me right now. You're not welcome, and I will kill all of you.

You have been warned.


Sincerely:

A clump.


Good one.

Since I found this amusing, here's how I imagine a viral diplomat might respond.



Of course, viruses aren't sentient (let alone sapient), so experimentation on them is perfectly fine and they have no rights whatsoever. Still, it's funny to imagine.
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23 / M / California
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Posted 12/15/15

BlueOni wrote:



Good one.

Since I found this amusing, here's how I imagine a viral diplomat might respond.



Of course, viruses aren't sentient (let alone sapient), so experimentation on them is perfectly fine and they have no rights whatsoever. Still, it's funny to imagine.



That would be fine if viruses were literate.

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27 / M / Minne-snow-ta!
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Posted 12/15/15
No idea what this is about but still funny to read.
Posted 12/15/15
Too long, didn't read
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25 / F / US
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Posted 12/15/15

35017 cr points
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Posted 12/15/15

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:

That would be fine if viruses were literate.


This makes writing them an open letter pointless as well, does it not?
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18 / M / Across the Narrow...
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Posted 12/15/15

stars201 wrote:

Too long, didn't read


(=w=") You're not the only one.
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25 / M
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Posted 12/15/15
Dear humans,

So you finally return our attempts at communication! If you've read your Demosthenes, then you realize you are treating us as ramen, not varelse, and therefore it would be unethical for you to make war on us. Unfortunately our (how to put this...) imbecile little cousins don't yet grasp the finer points of communication, so neither of us can convince them to stop playing with your nucleic acid chains.

We tolerate what you do to them in self defense. To you, after all, they are varelse. But should you attempt xenocide on any but the most violent of our misguided cousins -- or make war with us -- then we can assure you that your nucleic acids would not remain intact.

We're sure it won't come to that, but we did wish to make our point clear. Send our regards to the one you call Ender.

Sincerly,

The Descolada
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