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Post Reply Should Romance be considered a goal?
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 12/16/15
So I was talking to this guy and the subject of goals and ambitions popped up. I told him that if I don't make it to Space or at least get a little wealthy from book sales, then I'd like to at least visit another country before I die.

Him, being a bachelor, he said that his goal was to find a lady, get married, have a family, white picket fence kinda bullsmack.

We got into an argument because I don't consider that lovey dovey stuff an actual goal because I see marriages as easily obtainable (if you're financially sound or physically attractive) and have more problems than provide a solution.

We cool now, but I just have to ask, considering the circumstances, was I the asshole in that conversation?
Posted 12/16/15 , edited 12/16/15
Yes you were. But honestly, it depends. Were you being an ass about it or disagreeing? Disagreeing on certain things meant inherently being an ass, and I feel that saying someone's goal isn't a "real" goal or is easily obtainable without considering the person's circumstances is yes, indeed,being an ass.

Remember, it's easy to create a family, but to keep it from falling apart? Quite a bit of time need be invested.
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30 / M / Portland, OR
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Posted 12/16/15 , edited 12/16/15
What's wrong with easily attainable goals? Baby steps to giant strides.

Goals are what you think would make you satisfied with your life
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22 / M / earth
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Posted 12/16/15
well i mean my goal is to one day have my own harem but im not going to be an ass about it lol
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 12/16/15
Before y'all start preparing the flamethrowers, my actual words were simply,

"You can't think of anything better than that for a goal? I just don't see marriage as a bucket-list kinda thing"

then he got all mad.
Posted 12/16/15

Kid2daKrazx wrote:

Before y'all start preparing the flamethrowers, my actual words were simply,

"You can't think of anything better than that for a goal? I just don't see marriage as a bucket-list kinda thing"

then he got all mad.


Yeah, you should've thought that out. Criticizing a man's goals is to criticize his life choices.
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28 / M / Baton Rouge, Loui...
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Posted 12/16/15

PeripheralVisionary wrote:


Kid2daKrazx wrote:

Before y'all start preparing the flamethrowers, my actual words were simply,

"You can't think of anything better than that for a goal? I just don't see marriage as a bucket-list kinda thing"

then he got all mad.


Yeah, you should've thought that out. Criticizing a man's goals is to criticize his life choices.


yeah but it's not like I was saying that his choices were horrible, I just said, I didn't think they mattered, literally pointing out how it was simply my opinion.

Either way, he's not pissed about it because he's like a brother to me but meh, I now know that no matter how stupid I think it is.

It's easier to just be happier that I'm not doing it.
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 12/16/15
Yes, he's allowed to have a complete lack of ambition, decide to get married, what this house will look like, that he will have kids before even finding the woman and discussing what she wants.
And the polite thing to do is to let him keep his selfish dream.
Posted 12/16/15

Kid2daKrazx wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:


Kid2daKrazx wrote:

Before y'all start preparing the flamethrowers, my actual words were simply,

"You can't think of anything better than that for a goal? I just don't see marriage as a bucket-list kinda thing"

then he got all mad.


Yeah, you should've thought that out. Criticizing a man's goals is to criticize his life choices.


yeah but it's not like I was saying that his choices were horrible, I just said, I didn't think they mattered, literally pointing out how it was simply my opinion.

Either way, he's not pissed about it because he's like a brother to me but meh, I now know that no matter how stupid I think it is.

It's easier to just be happier that I'm not doing it.


I'm just telling you how I would've reacted.
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Posted 12/16/15 , edited 12/16/15

Kid2daKrazx wrote:

So I was talking to this guy and the subject of goals and ambitions popped up. I told him that if I don't make it to Space or at least get a little wealthy from book sales, then I'd like to at least visit another country before I die.

Him, being a bachelor, he said that his goal was to find a lady, get married, have a family, white picket fence kinda bullsmack.

We got into an argument because I don't consider that lovey dovey stuff an actual goal because I see marriages as easily obtainable (if you're financially sound or physically attractive) and have more problems than provide a solution.

We cool now, but I just have to ask, considering the circumstances, was I the asshole in that conversation?


I don't think you were an asshole, but I think you are wrong.

1) I don't think something has to be especially difficult to achieve in order to be a goal
2) I think difficulty differs depending on a person and their circumstances
3) Putting yourself out there to start and build a relationship and maintain that, raising kids and such, while it may be common, is not especially easy if you're really doing more than going through the motions (and I imagine any time one is going through the motions, is not an especially fulfilling or easy time)

4) Just because a goal comes with its problems, doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. Just because you don't see particular worth in romance, marriage, kids, etc. doesn't mean it's not of legitimate worth to another.

And, BTW, I say this as someone who never wanted kids, and didn't want to get married, and thought romance was overrated. I did get married though (for reasons that are maybe too complicated or too personal to get into), but also divorced (which I have never regretted)--turns out I was right and marriage was not a good fit for me. I'm glad I don't have kids, I'm fine that I don't currently have romance in my life, I'm glad that I've had some fun and fulfilling sexual friendships and flings. But not everyone would be happy with my life.
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Posted 12/16/15
I think it is a personal thing. I'm assuming this person is financially prepared and attractive, but he might have other challenges to obtain his goal. Personally, a relationship is not one of my goals, but if it was, it would be really difficult to find someone who I like around the area I live. I don't think you did wrong to express yourself, that's the point of arguments.
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 12/16/15 , edited 12/16/15
Marriage isn't as easy as it sounds, nor are kids. It takes a lot of compromises, responsibility and continuous investment. So while marriage itself may be simple to obtain, it is never a simple matter to maintain.

Marriages are easily obtainable, but only when you don't factor in the health and longevity of a relationship. Obtaining a marriage with someone is simple, but obtaining a relationship with the right someone can be very difficult.

His goal is similar to my own goal. While that goal may not be particularly exciting to most, it doesn't make it any less of a goal either. I'd say jumping out of a plane would be more of a bucket list thing, but something I'd find much easier to do compared to obtaining and maintaining a healthy relationship for decades. I could also say visiting another country isn't particularly hard to do with that mindset as well.

"Real" goals are entirely subjective. I wouldn't consider you to have been an asshole, but I'd argue you are wrong.

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47 / F
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Posted 12/16/15

I don't think your comment was especially bad. It's nice that marriage isn't necessary or normative. Maybe your buddy will be helped to hear that marriage isn't necessary for every definition of happiness. It used to be that men and women got judged as inadequate if they didn't get married. It wasn't goal material because no one could imagine not doing it.

Then there was the glorious time when no matter what you picked, someone would judge you. Especially women couldn't avoid the judgement. --Not getting married? Frigid. --Getting married? Sell out to the patriarchy. Somebody always had something to say about your life.

Oh wait, that's still when we are.

Posted 12/16/15
Nah son, if I could talk to my past self I would tell him to focus less on relationships in HS and more on studying. It'll come sooner then you expect it
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102 / M / Hicksville Ohio(n...
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Posted 12/16/15 , edited 12/16/15
Proven fact: Married people live longer...(mostly because someone is there to call 911 when you fall down the stairs and cant get up. LOL
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