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Drop college and pursue music?
8324 cr points
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Posted 2/16/16 , edited 2/16/16

ibrahim2712 wrote:

I just finished my first semester of college and I've been thinking about not going next semester and renting an apartment with a friend. The reason is because my parents are extremely toxic. They force me to commute to a local community college, they don't allow me any freedom. And they constantly, constantly, force religion (Islam) on to me. It's at a point where I just can not live at home and be happy. They are extremely conservative and closed minded, and are even forcing me to a limited number of degrees.

About making music, I have to do it in secret because they believe that music is the devils play. The only options I have are this, either live in this house and let them pay for my college for the next 2-5 years, while enduring constant mental harassment by living in here, or, I can find a full-time job, move out and rent an apartment with a friend. Either way, I'm in a shitty situation. I'd have to work a lot of hours to just pay the bills, but, I'd have the freedom to make all the music I want. And not be forced to pray 5 times a day. I don't even believe in the religion, I'm a Buddhist but I've been pretending to be a Muslim so my parents don't flip out on me. If they were to ever find out I'm not a Muslim anymore, I don't even know what they'd do.

I'm in a sticky situation, my gut is telling me to leave asap, but people keep telling me that college is the best route. If i stay and go to college, I'll for sure be miserable for years to come. Please help me, because this is eating at me.

I went to school for Audio Engineering, so if you could switch to Audio Engineering, you would directly be working with Music, and you would eventually go into the Music industry that way. Plus, it's not just for music, it could be for medical purposes (audio therapy, hearing aids), or business. Most older people think I went to school for Engineering, but really, you'll be in the studio and immersed in whatever your heart desires.

My parents were perfectly fine with my choices, so I wouldn't know how to hide that sort of thing. But if you could somehow go that route (It'll be in the Sciences) maybe they won't figure it out? Just a thought.
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24 / M / Rotterdam
Posted 2/16/16 , edited 2/17/16
Buddhism teaches you to live an usefull life as you certainly already know.

Not only to grow as a buddhist but also as a person and to lead an usefull life, this situation is indeed far from ideal.

You should meditate or think about what you think is an usefull life.
Define vague words as "the best route".
The best route is different for every person depending on how one wants to spend his life.
What do you think is important? What do you want to achieve and many more important questions is what you should be reflecting upon and should explore in my opinion.
With this home situation you are not growing as a person, because you can't act on what you believe.

A strong mental base is key in buddhism.
Believing in who you are, in what you think is important and to act on these believes will make you grow.

It is important to have a trustworthy relationship you can rely on such as your family.
I know of cases in extreme islamic families, on which members turned their back on the religion, that didn't end too well (being cast out of the family, forced even more, beaten etc.).
This is something you or someone with the right knowledge can judge, but the first step into releasing your restraints is to be honest to your parents.

If you choose to do so, they will need time to accept this and in the worst case scenario they won't accept this at all.
Knowing this you should think about the consequences of your actions (also a common practise in buddhism).
Ofcoarse you can also choose to live on like this untill you get independent. Leaving behind a safe haven isn't something anybody can do, and no parents really want their children to suffer.

My point is: life is a journey full of experiences which will make you who you are. Only you get to choose how you will form your life even tough the choices are limited at points in life.

One word of advice, don't regret any decision you have made to whatever end it may lead. Just make sure you are 100% behind your choice and believe in yourself!

It must be very hard to even think about decisions like this and I can't imagine what you are going through.

All I am hoping for is that my thoughts will help you in what has to come and remember: don't hesitate to ask for help (friends, your parents, other family members, crunchyroll members and whoever you can share your story with).

Good luck!

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F / Boston-ish
Posted 12/31/17 , edited 12/31/17
Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no new posts since 12/31/2016.
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