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Post Reply What's the difference between being shallow and having standards?
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Posted 12/30/15

TrickedMJ wrote:

I'm asking this because it seems to be this thing where anything a person likes or want in another is being straight up shallow and that standards don't exist anymore. I'm not talking about on CR specifically btw, just in general.


Just say that you have preferences; "standards" sounds demeaning.
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Posted 12/30/15
It's the same thing said in different ways.

It's not necessarily good or bad, just depends how you frame it.
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Posted 12/30/15

dragontackle wrote:

Is it shallow to say that I wouldnt date a girl who weighs more than me(215 lbs)?


I say no because most women aren't built to weigh that much without being very overweight and quite possibly obese. Personally, I won't date guys that are very overweight (unless they're making an effort to get healthy). I've struggled with my weight most of my life and I'm not always the most dedicated to exercising and eating right, but I do try and being healthy is important to me. That said, I also won't date thin guys who just sit around all day and pig out on junk food because while they may not be overweight they're also not making an attempt to be healthy. I don't expect anyone to be a health nut, but being active isn't a bad thing.
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Posted 12/31/15
There's no difference, only those who don't meet the standards would call something shallow. Plus I have mostly met this matter of conflicting opinion when people applied the double standard: women "have standards” whereas men can only be “shallow. ( xD which is wrong)

One says someone is shallow if they focus too much on the looks, but hei what's wrong with wanting someone with nice teeth( for example) or someone fit ?

It's alright to be picky if you keep it real; It's difficult to ask someone to have a six-pack if you don't have it yourself.
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Posted 12/31/15 , edited 12/31/15

HolyDrumstick wrote:


TrickedMJ wrote:

I'm asking this because it seems to be this thing where anything a person likes or want in another is being straight up shallow and that standards don't exist anymore. I'm not talking about on CR specifically btw, just in general.


I would say that if you have high physical standards, or they are the most important thing to you, you're shallow. However, I can understand having high standards about things people can control, physically. If they can control it, then it is their own fault, and more of a personality issue.

If you have high standards in personality then you just have high standards.



So expecting any romantic partner not to be a fat ice cream chugging slob who still lives in their parent's basement is being shallow. Good to know I've been doing it wrong this entire time.
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28 / M / Canada
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Posted 12/31/15
They're the same thing. It's perfectly fine to have preferences or to be attracted to certain types of people. That's just the way we are. But when you decide to yourself "I won't date anyone that doesn't make X per year" or "I won't be friends with anyone that weighs over X pounds", you're being shallow, because you're making a decision beforehand based on incomplete information on those people. What if you meet someone you really like, but who doesn't meet your arbitrary criteria? Guess you've got to kick them out of your life, even though you'd prefer not to.

Obviously, that's not what people do. They up and abandon the rules they've made for themselves when they find a reason to, because they want to do what will make them happiest. Shallowness is when you decide to pre-judge people by categorizing them. It's when you force your complex, mutable tastes and preferences into concrete "standards" that dictate how you ought to interact with people, rather than just being attracted to whoever you're attracted to on a case-by-case basis. It's a lack of the foresight to allot yourself all the options you might want.
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Posted 12/31/15
Shallow is simply more of an insult, connotation wise.

If your standards are too high or in poor taste then you're likely to be written off in such a manner. Like any insult, it's not always flung with good reason and its usage varies from one person to the next.


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Posted 12/31/15

RumikoNamikaze wrote:


dragontackle wrote:

Is it shallow to say that I wouldnt date a girl who weighs more than me(215 lbs)?


I say no because most women aren't built to weigh that much without being very overweight and quite possibly obese. Personally, I won't date guys that are very overweight (unless they're making an effort to get healthy). I've struggled with my weight most of my life and I'm not always the most dedicated to exercising and eating right, but I do try and being healthy is important to me. That said, I also won't date thin guys who just sit around all day and pig out on junk food because while they may not be overweight they're also not making an attempt to be healthy. I don't expect anyone to be a health nut, but being active isn't a bad thing.


I'd say yes. It is shallow to only focus on a girl's weight no matter what that weight may be. If you said you like a specific personality and it'd be a plus if she weighed more than you but you'll take her as she is then that isn't shallow.

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Posted 12/31/15
I feel like "standards" can apply to more than just appearance, although I'll admit most of the time it does refer to a person's appearance. Like, you might not date someone because of their interests, or because they have a horrendous personality. I'd say those fall under "standards" and not "shallow".
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Posted 12/31/15

Ranwolf wrote:


HolyDrumstick wrote:


TrickedMJ wrote:

I'm asking this because it seems to be this thing where anything a person likes or want in another is being straight up shallow and that standards don't exist anymore. I'm not talking about on CR specifically btw, just in general.


I would say that if you have high physical standards, or they are the most important thing to you, you're shallow. However, I can understand having high standards about things people can control, physically. If they can control it, then it is their own fault, and more of a personality issue.

If you have high standards in personality then you just have high standards.



So expecting any romantic partner not to be a fat ice cream chugging slob who still lives in their parent's basement is being shallow. Good to know I've been doing it wrong this entire time.


Reading comprehension is hard, huh?
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48 / M / New England, USA
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Posted 12/31/15
If someone asks you out and you see them as not in your ballpark...

1. If you laugh at them and say "yeah, right!", you're shallow.

2. If you gently let them down with excuses not to hurt them, you've got standards.

There's nothing wrong with having standards, everyone does...but it's best you realize exactly what your standards are. As weird as it sounds, many don't. My cousin's "yeah, right!" is now her husband, father of two and grandfather of three.
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