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Post Reply The downsides of being attractive
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22 / M / Fraxinus
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Posted 1/8/16
I won't lie. The first time seeing that title, I was ready to tear this topic to shreds, but to be fair, I can imagine being attractive would have downsides. People may care more about your appearance than who you are as a person, and by extension, you may be objectified. You'd probably be more pressurised than others to look and dress more attractively. Being constantly hit on would probably eventually get very annoying, and you may get a lot of unwanted attention.

I guess I'd rather remain average than be highly attractive and get more attention than I'd like.
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 1/8/16

netdisorder wrote:
Being that I'm fairly attractive, the downside I face as a more or less reclusive introvert is that I feel like I'm wasting my good looks. You're only young once, ya dig?
[...]
Or how girls expect you to be the funniest, smartest man on earth and when they realize you're just a chill nerd who likes to game they turn a complete 180 and want nothing to do with you out of shell-shock over the deception. How dare you deceive them by looking attractive, but not being the generic personality they want!


Basically in this boat.

People often think others disingenuous because they're attractive and have hobbies in rather 'odd' or 'unattractive' areas.

It doesn't help I personally prefer the opposite sex in terms of friends. I've naturally become more off-putting over the years. I much prefer the 'bro' treatment over the stupid "female who likes gaming googly eyed" behavior. I find that sort of attention annoying. I certainly favor attention for my acquired and hard earned skills and such.

It's not all bad though. There are definitely some perks to it. It does put me in a good mood to be flattered by another driver on a bright sunny day.



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Posted 1/8/16
Trying to find the right moisturizer.
Tricer 
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25 / M / King Dan's fields
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Posted 1/8/16

Razor_Girl wrote:

I have to chuckle at the back and forth between Tricer and Tinamarie101, because it reminds me of something a boyfriend of mine once said... he said, "The difference between normal and perverted is the difference between using a feather and using the whole chicken."


A wise man. in his honour. i will attempt to disregard her disregard.
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Posted 1/8/16
Tricer - just for laughs you gotta watch till the end.

https://youtu.be/4Wb2nZR6qbE
Tricer 
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Posted 1/8/16

Razor_Girl wrote:

Tricer - just for laughs you gotta watch till the end.

https://youtu.be/4Wb2nZR6qbE


Now that's a woman(but i do have to wonder how a phonebooth can be funky)
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46 / F / Reston, VA, USA
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Posted 1/8/16 , edited 1/8/16
Trust me on this, the old phonebooths that were full length like you see in Superman were frequently funky - as in really nasty. Not only did everyone stick their used gum on the bottom of the phone and get their hair grease/product on the handpiece, they were frequently used as urinals for the homeless and you might walk in after someone who had been smoking like a chimney. That's one reason they stopped using the full length ones and went to the ones that were half length. Not to mention the phonebooth stuffing contests...

Tricer 
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Posted 1/8/16

Razor_Girl wrote:

Trust me on this, the old phonebooths that were full length like you see on superman were frequently funky - as in really nasty. Not only did everyone stick their used gum on the bottom of the phone and get their hair grease/product on the handpiece, they were frequently used as urinals for the homeless and you might walk in after someone who had been smoking like a chimney. That's one reason they stopped using the full length ones and went to the ones that were half length. Not to mention the phonebooth stuffing contests...


oh funky smell, i thought music funky. explains that.
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20 / M / Norway
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Posted 1/8/16
I would never know. + what others find attractive I most likely won't find attractive. I got a very specific type I like.
The bad things? They want you for your body I guess?
Posted 1/8/16
People who won't leave them alone/People who do leave them alone because they're too scared to talk to them.
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Posted 1/8/16
You get used to being attractive, you begin to rely on that special consideration you get from people, and then age happens.

No matter how attractive you are it will fade, to varying degrees, but it will always fade.
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Posted 1/8/16 , edited 1/8/16
For females, everything's pretty much been mentioned, I think.

For men I think it's a slightly different case. For instance I would say you only experience the downsides if your personality does not match your looks (by which I mean, it does not match what people EXPECT from a good-looking person). Allow me to explain why I believe this.

If you're an attractive man and you're an outgoing social person and you like having sex with people you barely know, the downsides are virtually nonexistent. When is the last time you've heard a man genuinely complain about too much female attention ? It doesn't really happen.

However, you could hear the man complain about getting too much of the wrong kind of attention, from the wrong kind of women.

If the same man is actually more of an introvert, or if for whatever reason he values character traits more than looks in a partner, then he runs into several problems which other posters have previously mentioned. There seems to be an assumption that a good-looking man is only going to want to bang; A good-looking man can't possibly be looking for an actual loving and meaningful relationship.


mc707 wrote:
Another con is that very few people will approach you. Either because they are intimidated, or because they automatically assume you are an outgoing, extroverted person and they always expect you to approach them. Attractive people are often times unapproachable, especially if they are introverted or even shy, then people assume you are arrogant. Believe it or not there are many attractive lonely people.


The ones who will approach you are usually other equally good-looking individuals, who probably value looks above the rest. Or sometimes average people who are feeling brave and take their chances. In both cases, they are not looking for your personality. They want your looks and they expect certain behaviors from you.

This creates a dichotomy between what you are looking for and what you are attracting.

If for whatever reason you are not overtly engaging with someone, they will often assume you are not interested in them. Again, because of their preconceptions about you simply based on your appearance.


netdisorder wrote:
Or how girls expect you to be the funniest, smartest man on earth and when they realize you're just a chill nerd who likes to game they turn a complete 180 and want nothing to do with you out of shell-shock over the deception. How dare you deceive them by looking attractive, but not being the generic personality they want!


I've personally experienced this and it is very hurtful. The message it sends you is that, who you are as a person is disgusting to them.
They would rather start from scratch and find someone else to bang/date than to be associated with you.
I am the funniest smartest man around, but I'm also a chill nerd who likes to game and hang out at home watching movies and whatnot.
When this fact becomes apparent, the woman realizes I am nothing like she imagined, and she vanishes from my life overnight.
They expect an outgoing , partying, douchebag, who wants to bang them with no strings attached for a while.
They get a guy who hangs out on Crunchyroll and Youtube on a Friday afternoon while waiting for his squad to log on for some BF4 :)


All in all I think the same concept applies to attractive females, whereby it is probably a bigger issue when their personality does not match what is expected. I just feel like attractive men are less bothered by all the other issues, or not bothered at all.

All said, I think it's pretty horrible how people instantly label others with huge amounts of preconceptions like that.
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M / Los Angeles, CA
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Posted 1/8/16
having to be around ugly people?
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23 / M / UK
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Posted 1/8/16
Constantly having dinner and drinks bought for you?
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 1/8/16 , edited 1/8/16

X41822N wrote:

All said, I think it's pretty horrible how people instantly label others with huge amounts of preconceptions like that.


You pretty much nailed everything.

The preconceptions are unavoidable though. What is uncommon will have it's 'shock and awe' value. If you have a jar of 90 red and 10 blue, there's bound to be some surprise when pulling a blue one and expectation to pull a red.

It's just something we have to make our own. "You don't go out much?" "Fuckin' nope." "You play League?" "Fuck yah I do."

If they ain't like it then at least I ain't wasting my time with them.

You've really got a shit run with women though. I've always made it obvious how much of a dork I am by small things. Usually how I describe myself, the interests I speak of, or merchandise I own. For instance, I may dress like a bitch that belongs in Starbucks, but if you look at my phone its got a Cloud 9 sticker on the back and a small Judar cell phone strap, lmao.

I really don't like to waste time with people lookin' for someone else.


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