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Post Reply What do you call someone who can't handle confrontation?
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Posted 1/14/16
Introverted.

Right up till I don't give a */#$
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Posted 1/14/16
I don't run from conflict unless there is good reason to, but I don't go looking for it, either. I'm good at spotting early signs and defusing situations before they happen.

On the rare occasion I can't avoid it, I'm not opposed to defending myself or others.
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Posted 1/15/16 , edited 1/15/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

My Turn:

I have a problem with conflict. I hate it. I hate the feeling I get when I'm near it. I can't stand arguing with people because it leaves me feeling terrible. I can't even handle heated debates because I get nervous and on edge. I try to be a good enough person by not pissing people off. I can't stand getting someone angry because I would feel horrible for it. My thoughts will become dark and heavy if I make anyone upset. I try to please people and make them happy because I don't want them to stay mad at me or hate me. I can't handle being hated because it's like the person wants me dead. All in all I can't handle confrontation because I feel bad for the other person. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I would like to change myself for the better but don't know how. Has anyone ever felt this way? If not then do you have some advice. I know I'm asking a lot from you CR users but anything helps. Yes, this is a problem that will take time but I worry. I get that I am too nice of a person and that can lead to certain problems. I was unsure if I should make this thread because it might be troubling but I wanted to. So any advice would be helpful.


How do I just suck it up and handle this problem that I have with conflict?




I used to be just the same way. It was very difficult reconciling my strong opinions with those of others. To be fair, I'm still like that. I don't like bickering with people and will go great lengths to avoid it. I don't mind discussing opinions rationally and casually, but I bail as soon as it heats up since it's not going to get anywhere once people start yelling at one another. People can come to me once they calm down. I'm sometimes the one who gets heated first, although this is extremely rare. But when it happens, I remove myself all the same.

The only thing that changed from 10 years ago is that I now recognize the difference between debating and quarreling. I'm fine with the former, but not the latter.

I dislike confrontation as well. The last thing I want to do is bare my fangs and get nasty. However, once someone pushes me to that point, I'll go ahead and proceed mercilessly with my outpouring of rage since they deserve it. It takes a lot for me to get there, so someone deserves it if I reach that point. I used to feel guilty about this but not anymore. I'm merely giving what has been earned.
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Posted 1/15/16
Some people have this strange drama going on in their heads and argue with others based on their own warped reading, exaggerating things.

I also notice that many of these people couldn't even keep track of what they themselves say, and have to have others do it for them.

Hm.
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Posted 1/15/16 , edited 1/15/16
What I call someone who can't handle confrontations: Caspar Milquetoast ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caspar_Milquetoast )

Honestly there are very few people who don't mind or enjoy being around others who are arguing or in conflict. It makes just about everyone uncomfortable which is why you don't normally see both sides of a divorced couple being invited to the same group activities/parties. It's why you see so many questions sent to Dear Abby or other advice columnists about how to have Christmas when Aunt so and so or some other relative insists on starting arguments about politics or something and whether or not they can leave her off the invitation list.

However, attempting to appease anyone around you who gets angry about anything, while it may be a survival mechanism that can work for children in an abusive family, is actually a really bad adaptation for real life. I'm sure you've realized that which is why you're asking the question. Since I'm no expert, my first reaction would be to send you to a counselor or someone who is supposed to be an expert on helping you examine your reactions and the reasons behind them in order to learn the best way to change.

Something to remember is that no one is capable of pleasing everyone all the time. You need to stop attempting to read other people's minds about what they're thinking about you. The sour face could be because something they ate didn't agree - not because they're mad at you. Go listen to the song Garden Party by Rick Nelson https://youtu.be/uAHR7_VZdRw The chorus has got it right, "You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself."
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Posted 1/15/16



I have a problem with anger too. I can't seem t get mad when I need to.
Posted 1/15/16
For a while I had a hard time with confrontations. But as I've gotten older I kind have gotten sort of cocky in defending myself and others. xD A part of this is a medication mixed with maturity. (I hope)
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Posted 1/15/16
Your mature already coz you know the rights that fighing or confronting each other is not good some kind of mature attitude
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Posted 1/15/16

qualeshia3 wrote:



I'm sorry but what does that mean?


A introvert is a personality type that prefers to be with themselves. Extrovert is the other way around
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Posted 1/15/16

qualeshia3 wrote:

My Turn:

I have a problem with conflict. I hate it. I hate the feeling I get when I'm near it. I can't stand arguing with people because it leaves me feeling terrible. I can't even handle heated debates because I get nervous and on edge. I try to be a good enough person by not pissing people off. I can't stand getting someone angry because I would feel horrible for it. My thoughts will become dark and heavy if I make anyone upset. I try to please people and make them happy because I don't want them to stay mad at me or hate me. I can't handle being hated because it's like the person wants me dead. All in all I can't handle confrontation because I feel bad for the other person. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I would like to change myself for the better but don't know how. Has anyone ever felt this way? If not then do you have some advice. I know I'm asking a lot from you CR users but anything helps. Yes, this is a problem that will take time but I worry. I get that I am too nice of a person and that can lead to certain problems. I was unsure if I should make this thread because it might be troubling but I wanted to. So any advice would be helpful.


How do I just suck it up and handle this problem that I have with conflict?




Nothing wrong with it. 90%(exaggeration) of a person arguements is a waste of time. A battle of who can talk louder than the other and discuss nothing of great importance. Your not missing out on anything, or so I would like to think.
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Posted 1/15/16

PrinceJudar wrote:

Conflict-averse. People pleaser.

There's such a thing called being too nice. You'll be frustrated with how you overthink the reaction of others (something unpredictable and thereby more stressful). You'll punish yourself beyond the reaches anyone should be doing. Since you would not do many things onto others, it will make you sensitive to the many things people do onto you (how could they possibly? I would never!) The worst part is though, you'll be upset with your blandness--the lack of voice you have buried beneath all the masking you do to prevent hurting people. You will lose who you are in the process. Is this me? Or is this me? Which is me?

The only problem is you can't change it on your own. You need the pain of people manipulating you--something that will happen to you inevitably at some point in your life. You need to get hurt before you'll be able to overcome something you have so embedded. The only problem is when that will happen. Hopefully sooner rather than later.



So someone else can change this for you? for example if you were to get ...I don't know fucked over for so many times to the point of where you realize being too nice is a lot of shit in today's society and then change into someone else who isn't what you are ?
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Posted 1/15/16

melodyXXnur wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:

My Turn:

I have a problem with conflict. I hate it. I hate the feeling I get when I'm near it. I can't stand arguing with people because it leaves me feeling terrible. I can't even handle heated debates because I get nervous and on edge. I try to be a good enough person by not pissing people off. I can't stand getting someone angry because I would feel horrible for it. My thoughts will become dark and heavy if I make anyone upset. I try to please people and make them happy because I don't want them to stay mad at me or hate me. I can't handle being hated because it's like the person wants me dead. All in all I can't handle confrontation because I feel bad for the other person. I've been this way since I was a little girl. I would like to change myself for the better but don't know how. Has anyone ever felt this way? If not then do you have some advice. I know I'm asking a lot from you CR users but anything helps. Yes, this is a problem that will take time but I worry. I get that I am too nice of a person and that can lead to certain problems. I was unsure if I should make this thread because it might be troubling but I wanted to. So any advice would be helpful.


How do I just suck it up and handle this problem that I have with conflict?




I'm same like you! I'm the type that easily get mad at people but after a few minutes, I feel guilty and that feelings is killing me as if I was dead wrong.even though I was obviously right to get angry . I hate this feelings.


I use to feel that way....I use to say fucked up things to the person I was mad at ...I wouldn't give one dam but afterwords...I felt like shit and guilty but not anymore ^_^
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Posted 1/15/16 , edited 1/15/16
Nice guys finish last they say and finishing last is only acceptable in bed so...
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Posted 1/15/16 , edited 1/15/16

ShawnZ11 wrote:

So someone else can change this for you? for example if you were to get ...I don't know fucked over for so many times to the point of where you realize being too nice is a lot of shit in today's society and then change into someone else who isn't what you are ?


There's a balance to it. A lot of times with the "too nice" variant you run into issues with masking for other people. You trample over yourself and your own identity when seeking only to appease others. It's the same sort of issues you run into though if you go to the other side of the horseshoe.

A little bit of pain helps people question why they've placed themselves so lowly, or why they've sacrificed too much of themselves in the process of making other people happy.



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Posted 1/15/16

TheOmegaForce70941 wrote:


qualeshia3 wrote:



I'm sorry but what does that mean?


A introvert is a personality type that prefers to be with themselves. Extrovert is the other way around


Thank you
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