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Post Reply Post your Jokes!
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101 / M
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Posted 1/29/16
I don't Joke, if you read about my history.. according to Wikipedia...

I'm Marcus Octavius, A Proud Roman

"A serious and discreet person, he earned himself a reputation as an influential orator."
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21 / M / Disboard
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Posted 1/29/16

AlienNineFan wrote:

Your mama's so fat when she hauls ass she has to take two trips!


lol thats a good one
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24 / M / Beyond The Wall
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Posted 1/29/16 , edited 1/29/16
How do you cook a vegetable?

Cut the life support cords
Ejanss 
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Posted 1/29/16 , edited 1/29/16

Nyanotic wrote:

A music joke for all you inclined folks.


A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.


A grasshopper hops into a bar--The bartender says "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!", and the grasshopper says "Really? You've got a drink named Steve?"

But anyway, jokes:
A woman at the bridal shop is choosing a dress, and asks what color should be best--"Well, white is traditional for a first wedding," the girl at the shop replies, "but that's meant to suggest virginity. If that's not the case, it's best to go with a light spring color, like sky blue or spring green."
"In that case," the customer says, "I'll take white....With little blue polka dots all over! "
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M / The Nightosphere
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Posted 1/29/16

dragontackle wrote:

How do you cook a vegetable?

Cut the life support cords


What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.
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25 / M / PA
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Posted 1/29/16
A pirate walks into a bar and goes up to the counter.

The bartender says "Hey, you know you have a steering wheel on your pants?"

The pirate says "Arrg, it be drivin' me nuts!"
Ejanss 
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Posted 1/29/16

lunarxx wrote:

*deep breath* Go!

What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters? Orange Is The New Black. Why are Mexicans so offended by Donald Trumps views on immigration? Because they can already see the wall he's going to build from space. El Chapo only escaped from prison to have a "talk" with Trump. What does Melania see in Donald Trump? "Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!" Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants? Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades! Trump: "It's not a toupee, I just found the Bush that Jeb lost." Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President elect? By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
etc.etc.
:phew:


During the Iraq war, Trump loudly bragged that he would, quote, "dance on Bin Laden's grave" if the terrorist were ever brought to justice.

This explains, for those who have ever wondered, why the Navy took the unusual precaution of immediately burying Bin Laden at sea, in the hopes that Trump would follow through on his promise and dance.
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15 / M / I wish i was in J...
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Posted 1/29/16
My social life
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19 / M / The Netherlands
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Posted 2/1/16
how do you know if a child predator is dutch? hey.....hey kid.....do you want to buy some candy?

person 1: he thinks clowns are from space.
person 2: clowns are from space!
Clown: wha......oh shit he knows!
person 2: oh shit i know!

person getting mugged.
person; well this night took a SHARP turn.
mugger: ughh......
*at the hospital*
doctor: cause of dead.....multiple stab wounds.
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34 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 2/1/16
why couldnt the kids get into the pirate movie?
because it was rated 'Arrrgh'

and thats about it, the rest are racist.
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21 / Cold and High
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Posted 2/1/16
I wish, I had a joke... but
..
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28 / M
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Posted 2/1/16
When I die I want to go like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep, not kicking and screaming like the people in the back of his car.
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Posted 2/1/16
how do you put a baby in a jar?
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Posted 2/1/16
This one isn't mine but i thought i'd share:

"Listen, i'm not one to go around judging everyone's strange fantasies, BUT if you honestly want to have sex with a vampire, I'd say you're down for the count."
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