Post Reply Does this plot make sense?
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Posted 2/8/16 , edited 2/10/16
Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.

My Turn:

Title: Crowns and Thorns





Here is another plot too.



Title: Bloodstained Dystopia




Excuse my terrible grammar, please and thank you.

Enjoy!!!



Posted 2/8/16
Well that explains what went on which sounds pretty crazy.

But overall is pretty good.

Now you just have to make the teenagers part of it.

"Enter the lives of eight teenagers who struggling to survive in a world of greed, corruption, war, violence, money, fame, status, politics, and sex while trying to live their teenage lives. This is their story. "

Don't quite think the sex & fame part really matter but that's just me.

Well fame kinda matters considering if you're famous for stopping a war then you'll be targeted but then there is status but eh...

Anyways that's just me keep it up qualeshia-senpai
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Posted 2/8/16 , edited 2/8/16
the security must be severely lacking for the prince, emperor and grand emperor to be killed just like that...
the background seems to be a world who faced several world wars in the past, but is now focusing at a time where there's no war....wait
"No world wars are present. Enter the lives of eight teenagers who struggling to survive in a world of ... war"
not sure if this makes sense here. they are struggling to survive in a world of war...where there's no world war.

also, the background story, while interesting, doesn't seem to relate with the actual plot of your story.
(you're focusing on the teenagers, not on the emperors/crown princes/nations at war in the past)

"survive in a world of greed, corruption, war, violence, money, fame, status, politics, and sex while trying to live their teenage lives."
this is pretty generic tbh. would recommend instead looking at the characters themselves and why they are important in the story - their relevance with the overall plot. what are their goals? their aspirations? what are they fighting for and why? etc.

"world filled with the latest in technology"
the world is always filled with the latest technology of its time, so this doesn't seem to add much to your plot
unless you mean something more specific (example: personal robots being commonplace, spaceships, etc)


5051: Fist World War starts
5061: War ended by Grand Emperor
5081: Second World War, Grand Emperor dies
5093: War ended by Grand Empress
5098: civil war in Avantica
5298: Crimson Crisis
<- not "decades", but "thousands of years" ->
9051: World Peace

why did the Grand Empress not care that the Emperor died? she only stepped in 12 years after his death...
also, the time jump between 5298 and 9051 is insane. maybe 50~100 years would be more reasonable.
unless you have strong reasons for having several thousand years gap.
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Posted 2/8/16


Wowzers! Thank you so much for making it make sense.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking all that much when I wrote the plot. It just came to me as I was typing it. It doesn't really make sense but I'm still working on it.
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Posted 2/8/16

SylveonLuna wrote:

Well that explains what went on which sounds pretty crazy.

But overall is pretty good.

Now you just have to make the teenagers part of it.

"Enter the lives of eight teenagers who struggling to survive in a world of greed, corruption, war, violence, money, fame, status, politics, and sex while trying to live their teenage lives. This is their story. "

Don't quite think the sex & fame part really matter but that's just me.

Well fame kinda matters considering if you're famous for stopping a war then you'll be targeted but then there is status but eh...

Anyways that's just me keep it up qualeshia-senpai


Thank you.
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Posted 2/9/16
From what I can tell, virtually everything about the history of the worlds is more or less irrelevant to the true plot. Remember the story you are trying to tell. Are you trying to tell a story of a group of teenagers or are you trying to lay out the full history of this world? They are very different stories and combining the two will likely only make the whole weaker and more watered down. Focus on the story you want to tell and use the other information as background information to sprinkle in every once in a while (but be very wary of exposition dumps and technobabble).
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Posted 2/10/16

sundin13 wrote:

From what I can tell, virtually everything about the history of the worlds is more or less irrelevant to the true plot. Remember the story you are trying to tell. Are you trying to tell a story of a group of teenagers or are you trying to lay out the full history of this world? They are very different stories and combining the two will likely only make the whole weaker and more watered down. Focus on the story you want to tell and use the other information as background information to sprinkle in every once in a while (but be very wary of exposition dumps and technobabble).


Thanks.
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Posted 2/11/16
Bloodstained Dystopia is quite literally Attack on Titans.
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Posted 2/11/16 , edited 2/11/16
I don't know that I'd say what you laid out in the "Crowns and Thorns" story is irrelevant, but it definitely does not contain what one would assume to be the most important information to your declared setting (for example: who even are these eight people, and why should anyone be interested in what they're up to?). More importantly, though, you provided no real context for appreciating the significance of all the proper nouns that got thrown around in your description, so none of us really even have sufficient information at this point to tell you whether or not that backstory makes sense/seems plausible.

Side question: did you deliberately name Cimmeria after the old Iron Agers occasionally mentioned in Classical texts, and if so, why?
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Posted 2/11/16

namealreadytaken wrote:

Bloodstained Dystopia is quite literally Attack on Titans.


Yeah I noticed.
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Posted 2/11/16

Von_Goethe wrote:

I don't know that I'd say what you laid out in the "Crowns and Thorns" story is irrelevant, but it definitely does not contain what one would assume to be the most important information to your declared setting (for example: who even are these eight people, and why should anyone be interested in what they're up to?). More importantly, though, you provided no real context for appreciating the significance of all the proper nouns that got thrown around in your description, so none of us really even have sufficient information at this point to tell you whether or not that backstory makes sense/seems plausible.

Side question: did you deliberately name Cimmeria after the old Iron Agers occasionally mentioned in Classical texts, and if so, why?


I just found the name one day.
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Posted 2/14/16
I already made a timeline for the story. Not sure if it makes sense or not.
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