Post Reply Rate the excerpt above you?
44771 cr points
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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
Posted 3/26/16
Let me know if a thread like this one exist or not.
Thanks a bunches.

Use a spoiler box if you must.

The person above you will write an excerpt from their story while the person below will rate it.


My Turn:

War. It shatters everything that stands in it's way as it makes through a nation. As countries try to stop the war from breaking down their door, the war pushes through and everything is lost. People suffer under the weight of the warfare, but the country suffers the most. You can feel the tears of the nation crying out for help. Can the people hear it or not? As a nation, people are the priority since they are the support that makes the country a nation. If war takes that away then the country will lose it's support.

13479 cr points
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24 / M
Posted 3/26/16 , edited 3/26/16
Saying "the war" instead of "war" makes things sound kind of silly and I find myself a little bit lost in what you are trying to say. However, the sentences are well paced and it is structured in a way that feels interesting (although I can't help but be reminded of Fallout ("War. War never changes")

Here's a random passage from me (although lacking context, it doesn't mean much):
44771 cr points
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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
Posted 3/27/16

Pretty good. Here I go with mine.

Clenching on his rifle for dear life, the soldier waited patiently for his moment to move. He sat there thinking how did he ever get himself in this situation. The thought of his wife linger in his mind along with his baby girl who he misses. The soldier continues thingking as he holds the rifle close to his hear sayng "This is for my little girl". A soft sound of a footstep approached where the soldier is sitting . He charged out of his hding spot. He pointed his rifle at the person to see a child holding a gun right before his eyes. War. It turned this child from sweet and innocent to a killing machine. The soldier is surprised to see a child holding a large gun in his small hands quivering for his life. The soldier is hestiant to do anything but knew it was his duty to shoot the enemy. But what if the enemy is a small child no older then ten years old. The child charged at the soldier and without a single thought , the soldier pulled the trigger. With eyes widen, the soldier witness blood spilled before his eyes. He looks as the body hits the ground har. What has he done?
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